Day 231 - The Last Remaining Day of my 30s...

Today is THE VERY LAST DAY of my 30s decade in life. Tomorrow, when I wake, I will be -- gulp -- 40.

* * *

I'm not sure why turning 40 has been so problematic for me. In fact, I have been worrying about this day since I turned 39 exactly one year ago. Instead of focusing on the fact that 40 years of my life have come and gone -- POOF! -- I should focus on the fact that I still have another 40 years ahead of me (Lord willing).

* * *

It's tough getting older. Well, for me and millions of other women around the globe, it's tough getting older. Age doesn't carry the same...significance, honor, dignity...that it used to carry. I get called "Ma'am" everywhere I go. I hate that word. It's like a swear word to me, really. Please, don't call me "Ma'am." That title is reserved for women who have wrinkles and sagging behinds and wear too much liptstick on their wrinkled lips.

* * *

I laid in bed this morning contemplating how to turn my mind into believing that turning 40 is a GOOD thing. I thought of everything I'm leaving behind me when I turn 40: child bearing is over...raising small babies is over (although truth be told, that one is pleasant to move away from)...a difficult childhood is over...an even more difficult teenage life is over...a struggling young marriage is over (for the most part)...skinny body and cutesy little outfits are over (although that one I shouldn't even concern myself with...right?)...and the expectation of my future and what it would hold is....over? So I'm leaving behind some good things AND some bad things!

* * *

What I have to look forward to:

• more wrinkles


• deteriorating body


• more aches and pains


• mammograms/breast biopsies


• more exercise to keep my body in shape


• raising teenage daughters


• sitting at my office desk day after day and week after week and month after month and year after year


• college tuition for the kids


• boyfriends hanging out on my sofa and hanging all over my daughters


• boys picking up my girls and driving off into the unknown


• weddings for the children


• grandchildren


• walkers with tennis balls on them


• passing gas and thinking nobody else hears


• hair on my chin


• nursing home


• poopy diapers


• arthritic hands so gnarled up that I scare little kids

* * *

See? I just can't see anything positive coming from the next 40 years...except my grandchildren, of course!

* * *

Tomorrow is the "line of demarcation" in my life for me. I hope I cross over it gracefully and not kicking and screaming.

* * *

Lord, I pray that you would take my negative feelings towards the next 40 years and turn them into positive feelings. I pray that you would use me and lead me and guide me. May I not waste a single day but use them to glorify You. Amen.