Day 238 - Do I Go Left or Right???

Sometimes God's voice isn't all that clear or audible. Sometimes, even despite my best efforts at praying for His guidance, I still feel as if I'm at a crossroads. There's no concrete direction that I should take.

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Do I go left? Or Do I go right? I pray some more. I ask friends and family. Some advise me one way, some advise me the other. And then I'm still left standing at the crossroads with a bewildered look on my face.

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I have felt led by God these past seven or eight months in a variety of ways: adoption, fostering, trying to become a stay-at-home-mom again. Each time I felt led, I prayed and asked God to guide me and lead me, to shut the doors when something is not in line with His will.

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We couldn't adopt. Because of my history of depression and my depression medication -- although it's the lowest dose they prescribe and my doctor jokes it couldn't help a mouse so she doesn't understand how it's helping me -- shuts the door on adoption. Then I thought, "Well, let's try the foster care route!" My husband was all for it, the Bible clearly tells us to take care of orphans, so this MUST be it! Right??? Nope. Not it, either. After weeks and weeks of filling out paperwork, getting fingerprinted, having background checks performed and all the other hoops foster parents must jump through to become certified...even this fell through and a door was shut.

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See, I just don't want to let my Lord down in any way. I want Him to know that when He calls me, I will be ready and I will go where He is leading. So every time I even think He might be tugging at me to go a certain direction, I don't waver for a moment. I jump into the task at hand, whole-heartedly giving myself and my time to seeking His will.

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And maybe that's His plan? To hint at something I must do...and will I be immediately obedient in doing it?

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My husband and I have indepth conversations about me mentoring other women. He seems to think this truly is my ministry on earth since everything has just kind of fallen into place so easily and there are so many women who reach out to me. The problem is: I have zero training for women's ministries. I stumble for the right words of comfort, for the exact scripture Christ would have me to share to help assuage the situation...

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My husband suggested getting a women's mentoring book to study. So while I was online searching for a fabulous mentoring book, I came across online colleges that offer degress in counseling...one in particular offering a Bachelor's Degree in Women's Ministries! My heart beat quicker as I dialed my husband at work. His reaction? He is all for it! He says this could be God leading me to do Women's Ministries!

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I have never once in all my 40 years thought that I could be in women's ministries...in fact, I've felt my calling in other areas of my life, like with children's ministries or working with the elderly. But I am burned out on toddlers and children at this point in my life, and working with the elderly brought me such pain and heartache when I volunteered at the local nursing home.

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I've had people mention that if women's ministries is not something I've ever felt called to do before recently, then why would I think God is calling me to do it now? At this age and stage of my life, especially?

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Well, I see Saul walking down the dusty and dirty road, a mature man with a set plan for his own life...and suddenly, God calls to him and changes him instantaneously! From the week forward, he is new! He has focus! He has drive!

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I posted previously about not wanting to be a ship without a rudder, or a captain of a ship without a destination port. So Lord, I ask that You would guide me in all things, that You might use me on this earth for Your Kingdom. Amen.