Days 239 - 241 The Lord Speaks Through His Holy Word

Yesterday evening, our church held a prayer meeting. I've never actually been to a dedicated prayer meeting before. I mean, in the past, things have evolved into a prayer circle, laying on of hands, and praying for specific needs, as well as getting on our knees and humbling ourselves before the Lord and praising Him.

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But last night was specifically set aside for prayer time. No potluck social, no music ministry, no sermon...just prayer. Spending time on my knees before my Creator and Savior, telling Him that He is my God and my King, that I humbly give Him my life and the lives of my family members, as well as asking Him to guide and direct each one of us.

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Although we were in this prayer meeting for two hours, I felt like it was over in a moment. I could've kept on praying for another two hours, spending time praying for fellow church members and the struggles in their lives, as well as spending more alone time with my Lord.

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I went into this prayer meeting expecting God to speak to me clearly, guide me more clearly, and basically give me a finality in my decision-making as to the women's mentoring program and/or biblical counseling degree through an on-line Christian seminary. But I felt more confused than ever when I left.

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I woke up twice last night, each time kneeling on the soft rug in the quiet and dark bathroom and pouring my heart out to God. My thoughts were jumbled, and the path that God was supposed to clearly place me on felt like it was completely out of reach.

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I finally decided, after praying for a third time in the wee hours of the morning, to just table everything for another time in my life. I had an image of a wheel-chair bound person in my mind who is longing to be free of this handicap so that she may run with her legs and jump for joy! But, unfortunately, the wheelchair hinders her best attempts to get up and run with all of her might. Despite her desire to run and jump, her handicap holds her back. I likened this imagery to my own handicap in life, the things that hold me back from being able to fulfill the women's mentoring program and beginning a new journey in biblical counseling: (1) working full-time, (2) raising 3 children, (3) not having the option to quit my job to devote to these things I feel God is calling me to because my husband depends on the income I earn.

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I told God, finally and with a somewhat broken spirit, "Lord, you see my handicaps. I can't possibly do these things that I feel you are calling me to do." And then I got up off of my knees and made a hot pot of coffee in the quiet morning in my house. I felt a desire to grab the Bible and study for just a moment in the quiet, to see God's word and draw nearer to Him in this manner.

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I know you're not supposed to just haphazardly open up the Bible and expect God to suddenly reveal His will for your life. I'm mature enough to know that finding God's desire takes devotion and time and prayer. But I allowed the Bible to flip itself open to Ecclesiastes 10. I began reading about folly and the heart of the wise.

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And then I came across verse 10: "If the ax is dull and one does not sharpen the edge, then he must use more strength; but wisdom brings success."

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And then in Chapter 11, verse 5: "As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother's womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things."

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How awesome is this, Lord? Wisdom brings success! Definitely something I needed to hear from You in regards to schooling to learn biblical counseling skills. As well, I should not struggle to see the total picture of why You are calling me to learn Biblical counseling skills and how I should apply this wisdom, because I can't possibly understand the work of God!

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And then this in verse 6: "Sow your seed in the morning, and at evening let not your hands be idle, for you do not know which will succeed, whether this or that or whether both will do equally well."

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Amazing! Here is was up praying and struggling with these decisions off and on throughout the night, and then finally telling the Lord of my "handicaps" and why I can't possibly commit to either the women's mentoring program or studying biblical counseling, and God clearly told me to leave it to Him, because I can't see how God can bless BOTH!

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So I want to thank the Lord for CLEARLY leading me this morning in my decision-making. Now I just lay both of these things at the Lord's feet and ask that He guide me despite others who might snicker or feel these are poor decisions for me. Because I know how much I have struggled to do EXACTLY as God would guide me and lead me, and He clearly is doing just that!

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___________________________ Update: Remember my post about Josh, the tattooed and wayward young man? Well, in church this past Sunday, he went forward for the altar call! He tearfully and joyfully gave his heart over to Jesus, as well as requested to be baptized! Praise the Lord!!!!!!