Days 354 - 365 The Omega! The End!

Well, y'all...this is the End of my one-year journey to rediscover God and His will for my life and my family. What an amazing year it has been, to say the least.

Thank you, Father, for guiding us and leading us...thank you for my husband's salvation, for job security (as much as they CAN be secure), for healthy children, a marriage still intact, and our new church friends.

Thank you, as well, that I got a 92% on my first ever theological class assignment towards becoming a Biblical Counselor.

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My family and I spent the last seven or eight days camping along the Clark Fork River and vacationing in our new 1968 Shasta travel trailer. We had a blast spending time together as a family. Well, almost all of us had a blast. My teenager had a "good" time, but she would rather be hanging with her friends...or her first boyfriend ever, "Logan." But the rest of us thoroughly enjoyed our family time camping, swimming, and visiting the sights of Montana: Garnet Ghost Town, Huckleberry picking in the mountains, and attending a 2-day outdoor Christian Concert in Great Falls called "Downpour," where we got to see David Crowder Band and The Afters play.

Yes, it's been a blessed year-long journey, and I am SO thankful and appreciative of the way in which God has led us.

Praise Your name, Lord Most High, for guiding, leading, and forgiving this family! Amen.

Isaiah 25:1:

Oh, Lord, You are my God; I will exalt You and praise Your name, for in perfect faithfulness, You have done marvelous things!

Day 353 - Naturopath?

Ha Ha Ha! This cartoon is silly. But I'm dead serious about taking my middle daughter to visit a local naturopath.

Middle daughter has been suffering from migraines and vomiting for a while now. I thought she kept getting some type of flu bug, or food poisoning, but now I realize it's all the result of migraines. For an 11-year-old girl to suffer with migraines is unacceptable.

I've called a local naturopath to get her in for a consultation. I'll have to pay full price for the visit since it's not covered with my State health insurance. But I don't care. I refuse to medicate the problem. I want to know what the root cause is, and how to proceed from there.

Naturopaths work with natural remedies to help cure a physical ailment. They will delve into the root problem and find a natural solution that works. I can't wait. However much it costs, my child is worth it to me!

It might actually get my own foot in the naturopath's door. I'm not too far off from menopause, and I know I want to treat this naturally and without synthetic hormones. As for my toddler, I'm nervous and skeptical about all of the new immunizations out there, so the naturopath can help me maneuver this maze.

Thank you, Lord, for nature and the natural ways it heals. Amen.

Days 348 - 352 Journey to Northern Idaho

My husband, middle daughter, and I traveled six hours one way to Bonner's Ferry, Idaho, near the Canadian border. We went north up to the top of Montana, and then over to Idaho. It was a beautiful trip full of dense, lush forests, wildlife along the road, and cold glacial lakes dotting the two-lane highway.

We stopped at a scenic park near Libby, Montana, that has the oldest and largest cedar trees in America, sorta like the Redwood Forests out along the West Coast. Huge, massive, looming cedar trees that tower over the large mountains. We saw evidence of black bear (scat along the way) but thankfully no grizzlies to be seen, although we were smack in the middle of grizzly territory.

We stayed the night in a cute little lodge in Bonner's Ferry, enjoyed a bit of a relaxing hot tub before bedtime, and then curled up and slept hard. Woke the next morning bright and early and made our way to a sweet little cafe run by Mennonites, which brought back memories of my childhood and growing up among the Amish. Bought some homemade apple butter, enjoyed a homemade breakfast with strong coffee, and then drove down the road a short ways to pick up our new 1968 Shasta Starflyte camper that sleeps the whole family. Needs some work, but nothing we can't handle.

On our return home to Helena, we drove South towards Coeur d'Alene, Idaho, and then over to Missoula and home again. But this time, although we were on Interstate, we were stuck in construction and stop and go traffic. It took us an additional two hours of travel time! Finally arrived home at 9:00 p.m., parked the camper, did a few last minute before-bed things, and crashed at 10:30 p.m.

I was worried before we left that there would be some terrible accident and I would leave my children behind. Thankfully, I have a few wonderful friends who prayed for our safe travels, and continued to pray throughout our day. We pulled that heavy camper over three mountain passes in nearly 100-degree heat. We only stopped a few times to gas up, use the restroom, and continue on our way.

At one point, traffic was at a standstill as we came flying over a hill at 70 mph. We would've hit the travelers in front of us had there not been an off-ramp at that precise moment. My husband swerved and took the off-ramp, avoiding colliding with the stopped traffic in front, as well as avoiding us getting rear-ended by the traffic behind. Apparently, we saw, a camper trailer was traveling too fast and had overturned in the Interstate, spewing the contents of the camper for a good half mile.

At another point, on the return trip, a semi-truck full of boards of wood spilled a few boards in the highway in front of us. We would've hit these boards directly, but my husband was able to swerve into the passing lane to avoid that near catastrophe. Again, had there been someone in the lane next to us, we would've been forced to hit the boards head-on at 70 mph.

So the Lord was with us, for sure. His angels protected us and kept us safe from harm. No overheating engine, no blown-out tires, and no accidents. Thank you, ladies, for praying, and thank you, Father, for watching over us.

We leave for our week-long camping vacation on Monday, so that gives me a few weeknights as well as the weekend to scrub up the camper and pack it for our family fun! We visited our camp site on the way home last night. The river is low enough that our girls can walk upriver and float down to our site in innertubes without any danger. The mosquitos, however, are awful. We also noticed that about 1/2 mile down the road from our camp site is a beautiful little pond for swimming and relaxing at the edge. There's a tiny little island in the middle of it for the girls to swim to and play on. As well, there will be a county fair in the area, so we will pack up the children and spend some time at the county fair.

I want to thank the Lord for selling our previously-owned camper so quickly and for full asking price. Wow. I am still amazed at how God works in our lives.

When I was in Bonner's Ferry, I was so jealous of the lives these Mennonite women lead. They are the caretakers of their children and home. They bake, they craft, they can foods together, and they take care of their husbands.

I think my next blog will be about asking the Lord to allow me to stay at home with my family and do the same. I have a strong desire for this. We shall see...

Day 347 - Fabulous Year

It's been a fabulous year, all in all. yes, there were some pretty difficult times, but some pretty fabulous times, too.

I really can't believe how the Lord has led us these past 11 and a half months!

I am looking forward to my upcoming weekend. We will be traveling to northern Idaho - near the Canadian border - to purchase that travel trailer I discussed in yesterday's blog. Well, I might go. I still haven't decided.

Today was a great day at work. I accomplished quite a bit.

This afternoon, I had to leave for about a half hour to run some items to my daughter, who was stuck at an outdoor practice with no water, no sunscreen, and no sunglasses. At first, I clucked at going. I'd have to use some vacation time to run to her. But then my mothering instinct kicked in and I drove home for the necessary items and dropped them off for teenage daughter.

She was so thankful, she actually stopped by my office with two yummy, sweet donuts as a special "thank you."

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I am wondering if I'd like to continue with a different blog at the conclusion of this year. Maybe something where I ask God to use me and my husband...and see where He leads? Maybe God will lead us to Wyoming, or maybe to Tanzania...but more probable than not, He will keep us here in Montana where we can raise our children and serve in the little everyday things we do for others.

Micah 6:6-8:

"But God has told us what is good. This is what the Lord wants from us: "You must be fair to other people," God says. "You must want to be kind. You must be careful to do what I've told you."

I think maybe I'll keep a prayer journal, as well.

Day 346 - A new Retro camper!

She's a 1968 Shasta Starflyte...and she's our new family recreational vehicle! She needs a bit of a scrub and maybe some fresh paint, and the interior could use some bleach and fresh paint and curtains, but I am rather thrilled with out soon-to-be camper that sleeps 5.

I was getting rather tired of using our compact camper that only sleeps 2 adults (3 children, LOL), and taking along the tent for my husband and me to sleep in. I was actually okay sleeping in the tent...until my husband woke one night startled at the sound he was hearing just outside our tent flaps. I thought we were going to get mauled by a grizzly bear right then and there! I nearly wet myself. And the rest of the night, I didn't sleep a wink.

So with this newer, larger retro camper, we can ALL sleep inside the camper. No need to fear the grizzlies in this!

We'll be traveling to Bonners' Ferry, Idaho, up near the Canadian border, on Sunday. We'll pick up our new family member and drive the 6 hours back to Helena. It should be a beautiful trip! Mountains and lakes...territory I've never seen in Idaho before.

I'm looking forward to having this new camper so we can now go to Yellowstone and Glacier to camp. Couldn't before. Can't camp in a tent in grizzly country. Well, you CAN...but you shouldn't.

Thank you, Lord, for leading us to this gem of a recreational vehicle! I am thrilled! My girls are thrilled! My husband is thrilled! I look forward to spending more family time camping in God's Country.

Day 345 - Nearly A Night Off

Last night, after working all day, I arrived home to chili cooking on the gas stove. My husband had the day off, and he had decided to make some dinner.

As well, he decided to take two of my three children to a local baseball game to give me the night off. Thankfully, my toddler boarded the SUV and went to the game, so I was really looking forward to putting my feet up and watching a chick flick by myself...in peace and quiet.

My middle child was lying on the downstairs couch with a tummy ache and headache. She was asleep, so I ran up the stairs to my room with my netbook, logged onto Netflix and chose the perfect drama movie. I had just finished loading it when my daughter ran up the stairs shouting, "I'm going to throw up!"

I sighed, pressed "pause," and followed her into the bathroom to rub her back and be a good mommy. She's old enough to know when that feeling strikes, and sure enough, she was ill. "Mommy, pull my hair back!" It's a yucky job, but a good Mama will press through the ordeal with a steel stomach and a gentle hand.

Then it was over, and I had to help wash her up and prepare a makeshift bed on the bathroom floor. There were tears, so I sat beside her and rubbed her and cooed softly to her.

And then I bolted back to my bedroom, threw my feet up onto my bed and hit "play" on the computer screen.

I spent a marvelous hour and a half watching a romantic drama. Ahhhhhhhhh! And I even had 25 minutes left over, so I checked on my daughter who was sleeping on the cool bathroom floor, then jumped back into bed and fell asleep.

It was dark by the time my husband and two other children came banging through the front door, wildly excited and chatty about the baseball game.

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Lord, thank you for my stolen time by myself last night. I don't get that luxury very often, and when I do, I am SO thankful for it! Amen.

Days 342 - 344 Twenty Days To Go!

I only have about 20 days to go with my one-year journal. I can't believe a year has gone by this quickly!

I wonder where God will lead in the next year? I am considering doing another year journal, focusing on finding my mission in life and my husband's mission in life. Maybe we'll end up in Puerto Rico...or Jamaica? Who know! Or maybe we'll end up right where we are and doing the same thing we're doing right now?

Anyhow, this morning as I prayed, I asked God to lead my husband and me. I told God I wasn't sure if working full-time and being a business woman was the ideal He had for me, especially since I'm raising three children and time is so precious with them. I told God how I wished I could be available to the church more, but that as it stands now, I am so busy with work and family that I really don't have the time.

So we'll see where God leads in the next year. He has worked mightily this past year...I can't imagine the next would be anything less.

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This past weekend was, as usual, a whirlwind of work around the home and extra duties, such as repainting and repairing our 1960s camper. It only sleeps 2 comfortably, so my husband and I would like to sell it and get something that sleeps 4 or 6. We have quite a few years left with our middle and youngest children, so it really is something needed for our budgeted vacations.

We had a crazy man, strung out on drugs and alcohol, invade our yard this past Saturday. He had a shaved head with sweat pouring out of every pore, his eyes were huge and crazy looking, and he was wildly waving his arms and running zig-zag through the neighborhood. He spotted me kneeling in our grass in the front yard and came at me. Thankfully, the children were in the back yard. I thought this man had been shot, or stabbed. I screamed for my husband, who came running to the front yard to find out what the commotion was all about. Crazy man tried to run into our home! I called 9-1-1, and crazy man took off down the street, screaming and wildly waving his arms and yelling for help. He nearly accosted the neighbor man who was peacefully push-mowing his front yard.

My other guy neighbors heard the commotion and came running out in their bare feet. They chased crazy man nearly 4 blocks. I followed crazy man, too, hoping he wouldn't hurt a child wherever he was heading. One of my neighbors who chased him on foot eventually tackled crazy dude to the ground. We waited for police.

Police came and recognized this strung-out male and even had a nickname for him. They placed him on his stomach and cuffed him, then called for an ambulance.

I have never seen Satan face to face, but the terror and fear and hate in this crazy man's eyes was definitely Satanic. It was so scary, in fact, that I had nightmares about it the next night.

I can't believe what our neighborhood and city is becoming. I am actually frightened at times to be in my own yard. I am frightened for my older girls who stay at home alone during the summer time.

Well, thank the Lord that crazy man did not harm me. He could've easily overtaken me and hurt me seriously, as strung out as he was.

Thank the Lord that crazy man didn't hurt anyone else in his rampage through our neighborhood. Amen.

Day 341 - Fearing the Worst In Life

Lately, quite a few people have asked me to pray for small children they know who are dying of cancer.

I read the children's stories and grieve for the mothers I have never met.

After being on my knees and praying for these beautiful children I have never met here on Earth but will one day meet in Heaven, I have a knot in my stomach and a feeling of immense anxiety.

"What if one of my girls was diagnosed with cancer? How would I respond? How would I cope? How would my child react to treatments?"

It's an unnatural fear that I need to overcome. I think it's simply because I have been praying for so many little ones who are enduring painful, end-of-life cancer diagnoses that I have this overwhelming fear for my own children.

Father God, I pray for these precious little ones who are undergoing painful cancer treatments, who may even face death. I pray for their mommies and daddies, that You might bring them some sort of comfort and peace. And I pray that You might take away my own fear of cancer in my own family as I continue to lift these children up before You.

Lord, I'm at a loss as to how to pray when cancer is inoperable and not able to be cured. But may my disjointed but heartfelt prayers reach Your ears, and may You respond. Amen.
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EDIT:

I went home for lunch just a bit ago, knelt down on the wood floor in my bedroom and cried and cried unto the Lord. Sometimes, I get overwhelmed with grief for Abbie, a little girl who is dying of terminal neuroblastoma. Brandie is her Mama, and Abbie her only child. If it grieves me this much and shatters my heart into a million pieces, I can't imagine how this grieves God!

Ugh. And I've never met Abbie, either, and I fall to pieces when I pray for her.

On my way back to work, I was listening to David Crowder Band's "Oh, How He Loves Us," and the words spoke of how great God's love is for his people. It's a heartfelt song, truly, that makes a person pause in their day and look to the sky and stand in amazement to God. One of the verses say, "He is jealous for me. Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree, bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy. When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory, And I realize just how beautiful You are, and how great Your affections are for me! And oh....how He loves us! Oh....how He loves us, How He loves us ALL."

And I immediately felt led by the Lord to email Abbie's Mama, Brandie, and tell her how much God loves her.

So I did. I found Brandie's email on her journal's website and emailed her God's words to her. "Oh, how He loves us," along with the lyrics to the song. I told Brandie that I pray nearly every day for her and Abbie. And then I hit the "send" button on the email, bowed my head and cried some more.

Day 340 - My witnessing style

My husband and I took our toddler to evening service last night. My mind was rather preoccupied on some issues that have cropped up with my father, not to mention I was tired from such a long day, but I did manage to pay attention to the pastor's words on witnessing styles.

He told the story of two men, a deacon and a pastor, who were going door to door witnessing to others. They visited a man who politely declined to believe in Christ. The pastor was friendly and amiable about it, trying to establish a relationship with the man in hopes of coming back again one day. You know, not wanting to offend anyone, he kept it real friendly and light. The deacon, however, had a different style. As the two witnessing men turned to leave the home, the deacon says, "It's your choice to accept Christ or not. But you'll burn like a breakfast sausage in hell if you don't come to know Christ."

Well, the following night the church is holding it's annual tent revival. Following the sermon and altar call, down the aisle walks the man from the night before! After saying the confession of faith and accepting Christ into his heart, the stunned pastor asks, "What made you decide to come to the revival?"

The man replied, "Well, this morning, as I was cooking my breakfast, sausage and eggs, I was haunted by the deacon's words...and I did not want to burn in hell like my breakfast sausage!"

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The pastor says that we all have our own preaching/witnessing styles. Some are relationship-driven, where the person forms a relationship first -- talking about fishing or hunting -- and then comes through the back door with words of Life through Christ. This is my pastor. And this is exactly how my pastor helped my husband in His salvation walk.

Others, however, are very blunt about the need for Christ in our lives. No mincing words here, they blurt out some phrases that would stun a seasoned pastor.

Neither one is wrong. Christ uses both. The relational witnesser does not want to offend. And the blunt witnesser does not want to mince words. There is a fine line with both.

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I tend to be more of a blunt witnesser. I'll say it straight up. Your life is a mess...until you have Jesus. The devil is your bedmate...until you have Jesus. Quit blabbering about the consequences of sin in your life...you made those choices. Get yourself right with God! I'm not a total sidewalk prophet, but I'm also not going to spend months and months getting around to telling you about Christ.

On a side note, my husband and I signed the refinance papers this morning for our home. This is the first time in nearly 18 years of marriage that I have had my name on the mortgage. I am excited because it's such a grown-up thing to do...but nervous because now I"m accountable for such a large debt.

Which probably means I'll never find a way to stay at home...ever again. I am relegated to the work force until my retirement age now. sigh...

Days 338 & 339 Learning to say, "I'm sorry, but I can't."

I'm not very good at saying, "I'm sorry, but I can't."

My neighbor came to our backyard about a week and a half ago with a 2-week old kitten that he'd found at the landfill. Of course, all 3 of my girls fell in love with this sweet and cute little helpless kitten. And just after my children had finished petting it for a few minutes, neighbor guy asks, "Hey, would you mind helping me out with her? I work really long hours and my wife is out of town, and I would sure appreciate it if you would feed her on your lunch breaks from work, since I don't get one."

What was I to say? "No, I can't?" And then this poor, helpless creature would probably starve to death because it would go too many hours between feedings? So I said, "Sure, I'll help you out."

Neighbor guy dropped kitten off every morning at 7 a.m. as he left for work. I would feed the kitty formula from a bottle, play with kitten, and then plop kitten in a box where she stayed until I arrived home for lunch about four hours later.

When I arrived home, kitty was already meowing for her bottle. Hurry and let my dog out to pee, then rush back inside to bottle feed a baby kitten...which is no easy task. You'd think you just plop the nipple into her mouth and she'd drink away, right? Nope. Kitten hadn't got her sucking reflexes down correctly, so mostly the milk spilled down her chin and onto her belly. She'd become frantic and claw at my hands when she would swallow and air bubble and couldn't drink. I have tiny little red scratches all over my hands from this.

After about 20 minutes of intermittent bottle feeding, burping, and feeding again, kitty would drink about 1.5 ounces. Then it was litter box time. Then it was play time. Then it was my time to eat while kitten toddled underfoot. Then it was feeding time once again, and then I'd plop her back into her box until I returned from work at 5:15 p.m. to do this whole process all over again.

Neighbor guy was supposed to pick kitty up by 6:00, but frequently he wouldn't show until 9:00 or later at night. It was frustrating trying to take care of my toddler, my older girls, my home, get food on the table, pick up the house, and take care of this helpless creature.

And after a week of doing this, neighbor guy stated he and his wife were going out of town as soon as his wife arrived home from her business trip, and could I keep kitty for 3 days and 3 nights? Well, what was I to say? "No, I'm sorry, but I can't?"

So I said, "Sure, I'll help. But you'll positively return after 3 nights, right?" "Yep, we'll return after 3 nights."

So we took on this kitty for 3 days and 3 nights.

At first, I was excited to take care of such a helpless creature. The first night she woke several times wanting her bottle. I obliged. I was a bit tired the next day, but I felt great about helping out my neighbor. The second night, when kitty woke in the dead of night with her tiny meows, I obligingly fed her and returned her to her box. But I was really tired at work that next day. The third evening approached, and I was beat. Her meows for milk in the night kind of made me angry. Why had I agreed to help? As soon as kitten was fed and returned to her box...my toddler awoke and needed me. So that was Night No. 3 was not enough sleep.

That day, despite being exhausted, I was excited that neighbor guy and his wife would return to claim their pet. But as the sun dipped down behind the mountain near our home and the moon began to shine...I realized my neighbors were not returning.

I was so tired this 4th night, that I fed kitty at 10 p.m., placed her in her box, and carried that darned box downstairs where I couldn't hear her cry for milk in the middle of the night.

I slept hard, too. I woke with the sunrise, made my way downstairs, and took care of the kitten once again. Thankfully, as I was leaving for work today, neighbor's wife popped over and took her pet away. They had arrived home at about midnight.

I nearly did a cartwheel as the woman walked the kitty and the box down the sidewalk to their home.

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Why can't I learn to say, "I'm really sorry, but I just can't help you."

It is a good thing that I helped my neighbors out, definitely. But at what cost? Maybe that's what helping someone else out is all about...it costs you to help someone else out. It cost me time with my children. It cost me sleepless nights. It cost me hectic lunch hours. It cost me peaceful and relaxing evenings.

I dunno...would Jesus have done it?

Days 335 - 337 Learning to Balance My Life

I'm 40. I have a 16 year old teenage daughter, a preteen daughter (11 years old), and a just-turned-3-year-old. I work full-time. I have a husband who works late and often works all weekend. To say that I am pulled in many directions would be an understatement.

I cook, I clean, I grocery shop...I snuggle with my toddler every night and read, I take my older girls out shopping, I write all of the extended family's thank you cards. I buy every birthday gift, every Christmas gift, for my own immedaite family, as well as extended family.

I scrub tubs and change sheets on beds and make sure my daughters get their library books returned on time at the public library. I assist with science projects, mend boo-boos, and train my girls with a Christian upbringing.

I plan our vacations, pack suitcases, and make sure all of the food is loaded in the camper for our camping trips. I apply sunscreen to my toddler's wriggling body, take my preteen swimming, and stay on top of my teenager's comings and goings.

I study for my Biblical Studies courses in the evenings after work nearly weekly. (I'm falling a bit behind in this now.)

I take care of the neighbor's newborn kitten while he goes away for a few days, get up in the middle of the night to feed it from a tiny bottle, and make sure her litter box is clean and dry for the next day. I visit with neighbors and exchange phone calls with friends and maintain the peace between my extended family members.

By the time my 40-year-old body hits the bed mattress at 9:30 p.m. most nights, I literally collapse. I know I've written it before, but my poor husband gets the scraps of whatever energy and/or time I have remaining.

I recently realized that instead of taking on more in my life...perhaps I should take on less.

I am a Big Sister through Big Brothers Big Sisters...and I have neglected my Little for far too long. I think I will gracefully bow out of this duty after 15 months of performing "sisterly" activities to a child not my own.

I am expected to work full days, maintain my home, and maintain my garden and yard on a daily basis, as well as plop all family members into our SUV and drive to evening church service on Wednesdays and early Sunday church services.

I am simply exhausted.

So I will take a break from quite a bit of my "extras" in my life, to rest and relax and get myself back in alignment, if you will.

I pray every morning, several times throughout my day at the office, and read my Bible nearly daily.

I know that God has the perfect balance in store for me, and I'm praying for His direction.
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As well, I am pondering my pastor's request that I get re-baptized into the Baptist church...since my baptism into the Assemblies Church apparently didn't "take." At least this is how my pastor feels. Despite my full-body baptism at the age of 24, the pastor doesn't like that my baptism took place at the Assemblies Church. I, on the other hand, struggle with this request. Doesn't the bible state that there is one body and one Spirit, even as you are called in one hope of your calling; One Lord, one faith, one baptism, One God and Father of all...who is above all and through all and in all. That's in Ephesians 4:4-5.

Anyhow, I am still praying about the women's mentoring program at the church, too. I need to review my original journal posts on why I wanted to start mentoring women in the first place...so that I can take the correct path and do the Lord's will in this.

Days 332 - 334 The Appraisal

This is our home. It's a 1906 Victorian located in a historic neighborhood of our town. We bought it six years ago.

I think I journaled that my husband and I are trying to refinance our home. It'll save us quite a bit of money per month to do so. But everything hinged on the appraisal report...which, praise the Lord, came back way higher than we'd ever expected it to!

Now we have to sign the final papers with the title/escrow company, and we should be on our way towards greater financial freedom.

I just want to stop a moment and thank the Lord for all of the positive and encouraging changes He has brought forth in my family this past year. I stand in amazement, actually, at all of the ways God has intervened and moved and restored.

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Exodus 15:26:

"If you diligently heed the voice of the Lord your God and do what is right in His sight, give ear to His commandments and keep all of His statutes, I will put none of these diseases on you which I have brought on the Egyptians. For I am the Lord who heals you."

Wow.

Days 328 - 331 Camping, Kayaking, and Baseball Games

This is a photo of our camp site up at Park Lake, elevation 6,500 feet. It's about a 45-minute drive up a winding, narrow dirt road full of potholes and washout areas from the spring rains.

Once at the top of the mountain, the land levels off and a crystal blue lake is seen, as well as about 20 campsites in the middle of the national forest.

This is where my family spent the weekend. We brough along our kayaks, our retro camper, and our tent. We went fishing, kayaking, swimming, and we cooked our meals over a fire. We roasted marshmallows, as well as the cutbows (fish) my middle daughter caught while fishing out of her kayak on the cold lake waters.

There aren't any showers up here, so by the time we went back home after the long weekend, we were all stinky as bears!

Then we kayaked some more on a local spring-fed lake, and even attended a local baseball game.

It was a fabulous time with one another, and I'm thankful the Lord kept us safe and happy!

Days 326 & 327 Camping

It's been a really, really wet spring here in Montana. In fact, it's been so wet that the rivers and streams have been swollen or flooded.

But now, in July, the waters have receded, and we will make our maiden voyage to a nearby campsite at Park Lake.

We will take our family-sized Coleman tent, as well as our 1960s pull-along trailer. The photo to the left is a similar photo of our own camper. Aluminum siding, small box of a camper. But it contains a propane stove and oven, a sink, as well as a refrigerator/freezer area. As well, it has a table and seating area that convert into a queen-sized bed. There's a loft area that will store our camping gear...or hold one child for sleeping quarters.

The mosquitos are awful this year due to all of the rain, so we'll also take a gallon of all-natural mosquito repellent. My middle daughter is allergic to Deet, the chemical found in most sprays, so we pay the extra price and get all-natural. It works alright, so long as you keep reapplying.

My husband is anxious to set out for a weekend away from all of the chores and busyness of life in town. He is looking forward to kayaking in the large, natural, freezing cold lake at the top of the mountain and next to the campsites. He is looking forward to relaxing in the lounge chairs and sitting next to a fire. He is looking forward to sleeping in the fresh Montana mountains and waking to the sound of birds and not cars.

I, however, am only seeing the extensive packing and shopping that needs to be done before we go, as well as the endless washing and drying and cleaning of our camping supplies/equipment when we return home. Ah.....to be a guy! So clueless as to all of the intricacies of such a family-fun event! As usual, I will set about my tasks tonight of making a list of necessary items, and then begin packing. I will set out to the local grocery store and fill a cart full of items that will please the family, like marshmallows for campfire and all-natural hot dogs for dinner. (If hot dogs can actually BE all-natural?)

I will gather all of the bedding, the towels and washcloths, the clothing for the children, the medical supplies - just in case, the food, the games/books for the children, and the pets and their food, pack everyone up into our SUV and head off for the hills.

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Lord, I pray that You might give us a peaceful, enjoyable time in the beautiful mountains of Montana. May everyone stay safe, and may we all enjoy one another's company. May we bond and make lasting memories. Amen.

Ecclesiastes 3:11: "He hath made all things beautiful."

"For the beauty of the earth, for the glory of the skies,

For the love which from our birth over and around us lies;

Lord of all to Thee we raise, this our hymn of grateful praise."

Days 319 - 325 Happy Fourth of July!

It's been nearly a week since I've blogged. I've been really busy at work and at home.

My husband and I are trying to refinance our home loan from a 30-year 7.5% to a 20-year 4.5%, and tomorrow is the appraisal. We have been scraping and painting the exterior of the home, landscaping, mulching, and fixing minor repairs. I have been praying that the Lord's will be done in this situation. I would rather the refinance go through, obviously, but whatever happens is fine with me. I've prayed and given it to the Lord.

My visit with my mother-in-law went better than expected, so I am still praising the Lord for that miracle.

And I quit taking my depression medication. It was just the smallest dose to begin with, not even sure how it was helping in the first place on such a low dose. But I slowly weaned myself off over the last month. I can get crankier than when I'm on the medication, but I can also feel joy and happiness again. I think the meds not only took away my lows, but they took away my highs, too.

Anyway, had a bit of a difficulty with my toddler's nanny. Nanny hurt her back a few weeks ago and was taking pain killers. The pain killers were adversely affecting nanny's behavior and speech, and I had to telephone her and speak with her about this. It wasn't easy. I prayed. My closest friends prayed, too. It went better than expected. Nanny realized the negative affect these pills were having, so she quit taking them.

Whether or not she is able to stay off of them is an entirely different matter. I am praying, and trusting that the Lord will help me notice when Nanny decides to go back on them. It just isn't safe to have my toddler looked after by someone whose speech is slurred or whose demeanor is altered due to prescription pain medication.

I have not been able to spend as much time with my Little lately. I will try to dedicate more time to reaching out to Elisabeth and welcoming her into our family activities. It's often difficult to juggle time with my own children, let alone a child outside of our family unit.
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Lord, I want to thank you for the time I spent with you this morning, one-on-one, with my scriptures and my inspirational music. Nothing beats time alone with You. Nothing.

Days 313 - 318 Odds & Ends

My family stayed in a cabin near the Mission Mountains over the weekend, along with my mother-in-law, her husband, and a friend from Russia.





I find that I'm a bit on edge around my mother-in-law, but nothing that a shorter visit can't cure! I am thankful that the Lord has at least healed our relationship enough that we can both be in the same room with each other and visit with our families.





My husband and I are trying to refinance our home from a 6.5% 30-year mortgage to a 4.5% 20-year mortgage. If the appraisal is satisfactory, it should go through without a hitch. This will save us nearly $700/month in personal debt. Although the mortgage payment will increase by a few hundred dollars, we'd still be saving money monthly. So we are praying about the refinance.

As well, we are discussing the possibility for me to return to work part-time in the nearby future. We will see how this pans out, as well.

Philippians 2:13 says, "For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to His good purpose."

Days 311 & 312 - You Can't Believe It...But It's True!

I think my girlfriends and I are a tad bit sheltered. We know the stories of mothers who neglect their children, but we don't really believe they're living next door to us.

The truth is, neglectful mothers live all around us. They live on our street, in our neighborhood, and they're increasing in numbers every year.

It used to be that a woman learned her mothering and caretaking skills from her own mother. But in today's disjointed society, this is no longer the case. Grandmothers and aunties don't have the influence they once held, either.

In church, we tend to see the good mothers with their happy children.

But I guarantee if you walked some of the streets in your town, you would find hundreds of poor mothers out there.

They don't know how to cook a healthy meal. They don't know how to train up a child. They don't know how to form a bond with their children. They don't know how to properly take care of a home. They don't know how to budget. They expect preschools and schools and the television to raise their child. These mothers are selfish by nature. They will spend hours watching a series of television programs rather than sit with their child and read. They will spend hours on their computer, surfing the internet, rather than go outside and get active with their children. These mothers cuss around their children, shove them to the side, make them fend for food when they're hungry, and neglect them in all manner of ways.

And if you don't believe me...walk the streets of any city and you will see this to be true.

Women don't even take care of themselves, let alone their spouse or children. They don't have proper hygiene. They are sloppy dressers, wearing slippers and sweat pants all day long. They have bags and sags underneath their eyes on a continual basis as they suffer from depression. They relationships with their boyfriends suffer dramatically. And I say "boyfriend" because many women have multiple children by multiple men and switch up living partners faster than I change the sheets on our bed at home.

These women need help! They need a female mentor to come alongside of them and train and teach them how to shop for healthy foods, how to bake a healthy meal, how to spend time with their children, how to take care of themselves, and how to have enough self-respect to set limits on the number of men they sleep with.

God is calling me to help these women...and I am willing to do so. I just need a bit of help in finding my way to start this program and help these lost and hurting families.

Lord, will you guide me and lead me? Will you show me how to do this? Thank you for giving me a heart for these women and families, and help me to serve these women with a loving and kind heart. Amen.

Days 308 - 310 - God is SO Good!

I was 16 or 17 years old when the cranky, grumpy electrician walked onto the construction site. Elmer, his absolute real name, had marched his way onto my father's construction site in the same manner for days on end, his overweight belly leading the way through the threshold of the newly-built doorway, as he shouted and barked orders and grumbled about his morning.

But that morning, while he was in the middle of his tyrannical outburst, I stood up from the electrical outlets I was working on, quickly walked over to him, and hugged him with the biggest bear hug I could squeeze onto that middle-aged and portly man.

Elmer immediately melted into a puddle of tears as he held me back with just as much force as I held him. And from then on, we were fast friends. From then on, Elmer walked through the doorway of the construction site with a smile on his face as I would jump up from whatever task I was performing and greet him with a morning hug.

This scenario played through my mind as I was praying for the millionth time that the Lord would help me reconcile with my estranged mother-in-law, who was due to arrive at my home in a few short hours. "Okay, Lord...I get what you're telling me to do. I can do that. It won't be easy, but I'll obey your nudge in this, if this is what it'll take for us to be friends once again."

Two hours later, my mother-in-law pulled up to the house. My children ran outdoors, screaming and hollering in excitement. I took a deep breath...and walked out to greet her, too. My heart was pounding and my palms were sweaty. She hugged each child one by one, and then stood and looked at me. I walked to her, put my arms around her neck, and hugged her with a hug just like I'd given Elmer all those years ago. And she held on just as tightly. We stood there hugging one another for quite a bit. And then we pulled away and looked into each other's eyes and smiled.

Yep, God had done it again! God had intervened in my life when everyone else said it couldn't possibly happen. When I thought the situation was doomed and hopeless, God repaired it and mended it without leaving a single danging thread. God is SO good!

"Stop being mean, bad-tempered and angry. Quarreling, harsh words, and dislike of others should have no place in your lives. Instead, be kind to each other, forgiving...because you belong to Christ." Ephesians 4:31-32 TSB.

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When the company had gone for the evening and my husband and I were lying next to one another in bed, we thanked the Lord for the restoration in my relationship with his unsaved, non-Christian mother. God truly has worked in this triangle of relationships: mother-in-law, son, daughter-in-law. God has helped my husband learn to cut the apron strings that bound him to his mother...God has taught me how to forgive someone who has hurt me so deeply...and God has worked in a non-saved woman's heart in leading her towards reconciliation. Praise the Lord!

Day 307 - Abbie and Neuroblastoma

This is Abbie. She's 6. She has neuroblastoma. Her cancer was discovered when her mother, Brandie, took her to the doctors for some seemingly non-threatening health issues. Turns out, Abbie had a very large tumor in her abdomen, and it can't be cured.

* * *

Abbie has undergone a year's worth of surgeries, chemotherapy, and radiation. Needless to say, her outlook is grim. Doctors have quit treating Abbie's cancer and are now making her comfortable. Abbie's mother, Brandie, must be devastated. I know I would be.

* * *

I don't know Abbie or her mother. I know their friend, Jennifer, who told me of Abbie's condition. I spent two days crying. I can't get this sweet little girl's face out of my mind. I can't believe the amount of pain and suffering this sweet, young baby has had to endure...all for naught.

* * *

I don't understand it. I mean, I know intellectually that God has all things in His hands, that He gives and He takes away. But taking a child away like this is so, so...heartwrenching! My eyes have been swollen all day at work. On my lunch break, I broke down at my kitchen table and bawled like I haven't bawled in years. My heart breaks for not only Abbie, but her mother. How does she endure? How does she carry on? How gut-wrenching it must be to tuck your child into bed at night, knowing that very soon, she won't be alive when you go to her in the morning. How heart-breaking it must be when your child smiles up at you and whispers, "I love you, Mama," because you never know if it'll be the last time you hear your precious child's terms of endearment.

* * *

Brandie is a single mother, and Abbie her only child. Take her child away, and Brandie has nobody.

* * *

Father God, I pray that you might bring comfort to Brandie as she struggles to maintain her composure around her dying child. I pray that you might bring others into her life who might walk this death walk with her, side by side, encouraging and prodding her forward through her days. I pray that you might bless mother and daughter with quiet days together, snuggled in one another's arms. And I pray that you might bless Brandie for her continued faith in You, despite the grim future for her beloved baby girl. Amen.

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Brandie's words in her online journal: "God is good. That's all there is to it."

Day 306 - Get a Move On It!

I need to get a move on it! I need to quit feeling as if I have to have all of my paperwork ready, or all of my syllabus ready in order to begin the mentoring program at church. Just Do It!

* * *

I was feeling like I had to thoroughly read through books on mentoring women, or get my strategy down for the year of the mentoring program...when really, what I need is just to take that first step of faith and start it, and let God lead me as we go. At least that's what I think.

* * *

I need to also re-focus my desire and direction for this group. Originally, I wanted to bring in the younger women of the surrounding community/neighborhood for a mentoring program, and not necessarily keep it strictly within the church. My goal and plan and prayer was to get the younger wives and mothers of the surrounding area into the church to learn how to BE good wives and mothers...not necessarily focus on how to grow their Christian walk with Christ...although that would be an end result, for sure.

* * *

But initially, the women would want to come to learn how to be organized in their home, how to budget their finances and cook healthy meals, how to stay active outdoors with their husbands and children, and how to have a stronger marriage. As well, I wanted to have some of the more experienced mothers of the church discuss breasfeeding issues new moms might face, or how to survive the toddler years, or how to cope with a rebellious teenager. These are the areas I wanted to focus on, with a scripture and a prayer at the end to solidify God's authority in our lives. Hopefully, some of these young mothers might even decide to start attending our church, or a different church. But at least get them in the doors.

* * *

So Lord, I pray that you might focus me to do your will in beginning this mentoring program for the hurting and lost younger moms in the community. Help me to reach out and touch these women's lives through your power and your spirit. Help guide me and this outreach. Amen.

Day 305 - Peace Once Again

I finally feel rested and peaceful once again. After months and months of hectic pace, harried evenings, and stressful weekends...I feel peaceful.

* * *

I think one reason is because I took a personal day off of work to spend with my children and love on them. I think another reason is that I'm back to praying alone to my Lord, and reading my Bible in solitude. It's nice and lovely to pray alongside my husband or share a scripture and commentary...but nothing beats time alone with God. Nothing.

* * *

I think another reason I feel peaceful and well is that the sunshine is here! After being cooped up inside a cold and dark home, and after spending nearly all spring in drizzling rain...the sun has popped out from behind the dark, gray clouds and I can take a leisurely stroll in the sun's rays or even relax out in the back yard soaking up the sun's warmth.

* * *

So thank you, Lord, for the sunshine and the peace once again. I feel like I can handle anything thrown my way. I think. :) Thank you for reminding me how important my one-on-one time with You is for my well-being. Amen.

"But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength..." Isaiah 40:31

Day 304 Feelings of Inadequacy

"But am I not a Benjamite, from the smallest tribe of Israel, and is not my clan the least of all the clans of the tribe of Benjamin?" 1 Samuel 9:21

* * *

Saul was definitely feeling inadequate when Samuel, the great seer, spoke to him and invited him to dine at his home. Samuel also told Saul a foreshadowing of events to come in his life.

* * *

Saul, although of tall stature, even standing heads above everyone else, felt inadequate at his upbringing in the tribe of Benjamin, the least of all clans. In the heirarchy of the clans of God's chosen people, his tribe, his family members, were the lowest on the totem pole.

* * *

How often do we, like Saul, say the same thing: "But I'm not worthy!" or "I don't measure up." With God, our inadequacies are an opportunity for Him to show His glory, just as He did with Saul. "As Saul turned to leave Samuel, God changed Saul's heart, and all these signs were fulfilled that day." (1 Samuel 10:9).

* * *

God, please use my inadequacies for your glory, just as you used Saul's inadequacies for your glory. Help me to overcome my own feelings of inadequacy and move in the direction you are calling me to go. Amen.

Days 300 - 303 What a Great Time!

What a great time! My girls and I spent Friday taking walks, going out for ice cream, visiting a local toy shop, and going out to lunch together. We walked and held hands, we laughed, we hugged. I was GREAT! Thank you, Lord, for my time with my girls.

It felt like the old days when I stayed at home with my two eldest children and we would spend days at the library or take long walks downtown together. It was totally refreshing!

I am back at work this week. My mother-in-law shows up next weekend, so we are busy preparing the house for her arrival. I have not spoken with my MIL in about 3 or 4 years, so I have been praying that things go well. She was originally scheduled to arrive on Sunday and stay one night, but she has changed plans and will arrive on Monday, just staying a few short hours. I will probably be at work during her arrival and short visit...so I may not even get a chance to speak with her. But she plans on taking my older girls off and about for a week, and then coming back to my home the following weekend to stay a night or two.

Since my husband has been working weekends while the owner of the business is away, I have been on my own parenting three children and taking care of our home. I have also been on my own to pray and to study the Bible each day. I do enjoy praying and studying with my husband...but nothing compares to my time alone with the Lord in deep and heartfelt prayer, and studying God's word, just me and the Lord.

Last Friday morning after praying that God would help me through my struggles in life, I turned to the book of 1 Samuel, the story of Hannah and her own process of grief and struggle, and the process she took during and after. I decided to write down Hannah's process to use as my own guideline when I am facing struggles.

Here's what I found: (1) Hannah cried out to God and poured her heart and soul out to Him. Despite the fact that Hannah was the favorite wife to her husband and was taken very well care of by him, she still suffered in that she was barren and could not produce a child. Sometimes I feel as if I shouldn't complain about the struggles in my own life because I have it "good" in other areas. But just like Hannah, I can take all of my worries and grief to the Lord.

(2) Hannah made a vow to the Lord, that if he would bless her and answer her request, she would in turn do something for the Lord, offer a sacrifice to Him of her firstborn son. Now, I don't believe we need to make vows to the Lord in order to have him answer our prayers, but Hannah's vow shows the depth of her desire for a child. As modern-day humans, we, too, may be so desperate for God to intervene and answer our requests that we speak a vow, as well.

(3) After Hannah cried out to the Lord, she left all of her worries at the Lord's feet. The Bible tells me that after Hannah cried out, she felt better, relieved in spirit and body. Where as prior to pouring out her soul she would not eat food, after pouring out her soul to the Lord she was immediately able to eat. I need to learn to leave my suffering at the feet of Jesus and move about through my day, knowing that the Lord will take care of it.

(4) The Bible says that the Lord listened to Hannah's grief and cries, and "in time" the Lord answered Hannah's request and Hannah bore a son. God hears me when I cry out to Him. Although he did answer Hannah's request, God may or may not answer mine.

(5) Hannah fulfilled her vow to the Lord. She took her firstborn son and gave him to the priest, to be of service to the Lord. If I speak a vow to the Lord, I must fulfill my vow. I can only imagine how sad and melancholy Hannah was the day she took her toddler up to the priest and handed him over. It's not even like the priest was living a very godly life himself. In fact, he wasn't even raising his own boys to live godly lives. But Hannah had promised the Lord...and she went through with her vow, despite any misgivings and fears she might have had.

Lord, I gave to you my request to be at home more often with my children, just as Hannah gave to you her request for a child. I will trust that you have heard my cry...and if you should lead me to a place in my marriage where I CAN stay at home more, so be it. But if not...that will be your will. Amen.

Day 299 - A Glimmer of Rest & Relaxation

Although tomorrow is supposed to be a work day for me, I took a much-needed vacation day away. Tomorrow, I and my three girls will spend the day together eating a yummy homemade breakfast, we'll walk in the drizzling rain to our local library for a bit, and maybe pop over to the local homemade ice cream store for a delicious treat.

In the afternoon, my toddler and I can cuddle up with one another and read books. And while she naps, the older girls and I can sit at the dining room table and play a board game. Or maybe we'll bake cookies or a pie. Who knows? But whatever happens tomorrow, I'm going to relax with my children and enjoy their company.

I miss staying at home with them. I miss that I'm stuck in my office all day while they're home on summer break. And I regret that I have to work full-time while trying to raise a toddler.

But...deep sigh...this is where the Lord has led me, so I have to believe that He knows what's best for my life and my family members' lives at this point in time. I apologize ahead of time to my two-year-old for being a full-time working mommy. It's NOT something I desire in the least. I'd much rather be playing with you in the yard, or teaching you your ABCs and 123s instead of sending you off for the day so I can work. I did the best I could in finding you a nanny who would devote lots of one-on-one time with you, a nanny who is full of hugs and kisses for you. Nanny isn't me...but if it can't be me, then she'll work out just fine. And she has.

To my middle daughter, who is 11 at this stage, I apologize that Mommy wasn't there for you after school days so we could bake cookies or take walks to parks or sit and visit and discuss your day. Again, this isn't my choice...I"m sorry, too, that I come home from work in the evenings tired and cranky...and then spend my weekends running around trying to scrub our home and take care of errands/business when we could be enjoying one another's company. Some day, when you're a mommy yourself, you'll understand that sacrifices have to be made. Our family needs my income right now. Our family needs the health insurance provided by my job.

To my eldest daughter, who is 16, I apologize that you had to bear the brunt of the housework each day after school when you could've been socializing with your friends or working on homework or be-bopping around town. You took on a lot of responsibilities when I had to work full-time...and I couldn't do it without you. You are a very responsible young lady. Thank you for helping me take care of the home and the children.

To my husband, I am sorry that you get the leftover scraps of my time. I regret that I am unable to put you first in my life, put our marriage first. But when a wife is required to work full-time, somebody gets left behind. All too often, it's the spouse. The children are just children and I will not be a mediocre mother. I'm sorry that I'm tired all of the time. I'm sorry that I whine about your inability to provide all of the financial needs that our family needs. I have tried over the years to create a perfect balance. Working full-time, by far, is the worst balance I have ever had to deal with in my parenting and marital life. I can't be Superwoman, although I'd like to be. Maybe one day things will be different and I won't have to work so hard each and every day. Maybe one day, I'll have something left to give to you. That's something I pray for daily and have prayed for for nearly 2 years straight now.

Lord, help us to enjoy one another's company tomorrow. Give us peace and rest and joy with one another. Amen.

Days 297 - 298 It's Been Lovely...

It's been lovely...but I have to scream now! That's me lately.
* * *

Monday evening, the court staff and I drove two hours out of town to stay overnight at a hotel where we held an all-day trial the following day. By the time we'd checked into our rooms for the night, it was 9:00 p.m. What a day!
* * *

Next day was an early one as trial started promptly at 8:00 a.m. in a conference room on the third floor of the hotel. We went ALL day. My little fingers went like mad all day long. My brain processed words all day long, converting the spoken English language into steno shorthand on my steno machine, and then translated instantaneously onto my laptop.
* * *

By 5:30 p.m., we were back on the road and heading for home. Got to the office, put away my equipment, and popped over to my home where all three kids were anxiously awaiting my arrival. Especially the toddler. She was full of hugs and kisses.
* * *

Everyone wanted my attention last night, and my head was about to explode. By 9:00 p.m., I was in my pajamas and my head was on my pillow. I think my husband tried to have a conversation, but I was just too pooped to care.
* * *

Yeah, it's been lovely, really...but I think I'm ready to scream now!
* * *

I realize that many women around this world have it far worse than I do. Really, I understand this. Which is why, when I'm praying, I'm thanking the Lord for all of my blessings in my life. I am thanking Him for my stressful job that takes me away from my children and my home, I'm thanking Him for my three rowdy and rambunctious spawn, and I'm thanking Him for my lackadaisical husband who would rather go fishing on his ONLY day off than help with things around the home.
* * *

Bitter? Yeah, a bit. But I'm trying to work through this, really. I want to be thankful, truly thankful for my position and place in life right now. But it's tough. I"m so tired all of the time. So much is expected of me! That which I really want to do, I can't because of all of my commitments in my life.
* * *

Lord, help me to be thankful. Help me not to be bitter. Help me to see the silver lining in my current daily life. Amen.

Days 292 - 296 Where's the Equality?

This is me today. I went home sick from work on Friday with a severe head cold that knocked me out. I spent all afternoon in my bed with a box of tissues and my netbook. I watched a drama movie while I coughed, sneezed, and blew my nose.

* * *

Before I knew it, it was time to crawl out of bed and prepare dinner in my jammies and slippers. Got food on the table just in time as my husband walked in the door from work with toddler screaming, "What's for dinner, Mama?!"

* * *

Cleaned up the dishes from dinner, wiped down the counters, and headed upstairs for bed around 8:30, went through the usual 45-minute bedtime routine with toddler while husband laid in bed with his feet up and a good book, and then crawled into bed myself. Slept great with the help of some antihistamine cold medicine.

* * *

Woke up at 5:55 a.m. the next morning as toddler jumped into our bed, all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. Made my way wearily down the stairs into the cold kitchen and got myself some hot coffee. By 11:00 a.m., I had done 3 loads of laundry, dusted several rooms, done a load of dishes, washed the kitchen floor, sorted the recycling items into their correct bins, straightened up the refrigerator, wiped down the dirty stove top, and mowed the front and back yards. Hopped into the shower and was in the truck and on my way to pick up middle daughter from a sleepover while toddler was whining in the car seat in the back.

Got home, made lunch, and continued to clean and sort and organize, and then began cleaning the upstairs. Did more laundry and washed more floors and dusted more rooms. Went back outside and used a hand saw to saw off several large tree branches that were overhanging my veggie garden.

* * *

By 4:00 p.m., when my husband arrived home from work, the house was all but spotless. And then I sat down for just a bit and finished going through bags and bags of Goodwill donations, making sure to keep track of each item we were donating because it's a dollar-for-dollar write-off on our taxes, drove down to the Goodwill to drop it all off, ran to the library with middle daughter to drop off her over-due books, ran to the grocery store for some fresh hamburger meat for dinner, and zoomed back home.

It's 5:30 p.m. and now I'm cooking dinner while I'm so tired I'm nearly falling over onto the gas burner. Place it all out on the table for the family, call them to the table, say a blessing, eat, and pick it all up. Do the dishes yet again, wipe down the counters, and head up to the bathtub with the toddler. Then it's the usual 45-minute bedtime routine once again while my husband lies in bed with his feet up.

* * *

Wake up Sunday morning with my head cold still hanging on just a bit. It's 6:15 a.m. this morning when toddler runs into my room for her morning snuggle/cuddle. Make my way downstairs and begin another arduous day of tasks and appointments, church and to-dos. Only this time, I make certain to nap for 1 hour. Wake up, visit with husband who arrived home from work at 3:30 p.m., then get the family ready for a picnic at the pastor's home.

Spend some nice time visiting with pastor's family and eating pizza and salad with sun tea to drink, then make our way back home. But we have yet to stop at Wally World for a few items before we can actually go home. So it's 8:15 p.m. and we're walking the aisles of Walmart for wiper blades, worms for my garden, and new underwear for the toddler.

Get home, plop dirty toddler into a late bubble bath, and do my 45-minute bedtime routine yet again while (you guessed it!) my husband lies in bed with his feet propped up.

It's now nearly 10 p.m. and I'm exhausted, and I haven't even packed for my out-of-town trial. I crawl into bed, uber-exhausted but smelling clean from a joint bath with toddler (can't ever get one by myself, it seems), and my husband makes a move. You know, "the" move. I groan and roll over. Not on your life, buddy.

My office staff and I are heading out of town today (Monday) for a trial. Although my husband has today off and normally watches the toddler while I work, he's been feeling sad and angry that he hasn't had a day on the river to fish, so a few guys from church take pity and decide my husband needs a day away from the daily grind and offer to take him out on the swollen, raging river for some decompression time.

Meanwhile, as I'm running around our home getting myself ready for work and throwing items into my out-of-town suitcase AND getting our toddler dressed, her hair brushed and her breakfast in front of her, my overworked husband is picking out his favorite fishing shirt and excitedly preparing for his much-needed day away from it all.

I'm at work now, nursing a few blisters and drinking hot coffee, and wishing...just wishing....that I had never agreed to bail my husband out of our financial disaster. Because now, it's up to me to carry the load. Kids need new shoes? Don't worry, I'll buy them. Kids need to see a doctor? Don't worry, I work for health insurance for the family. Want to take a vacation? Don't worry, I am saving money monthly towards this. Mother-in-law coming to town in just a few weeks? Don't worry. I'm getting the house scrubbed and polished and ready. Husband working all weekend long and can't help out on my days off of work? No worries. I'll take care of everything, including the yard work.

Day 291 - Cranky Monster

I admit it. I have been a bit on edge the past couple of days. This morning, I was a total cranky monster once again.

* * *

I am trying to plan a few days' vacation in Seattle with the family. Seattle is only an 8-hour drive from here. But money is tight, so I figured maybe we could just camp near Seattle in our tent to save on hotel fees, and then visit a college out there and take the kids to the Space Needle, and maybe the Aquarium, if there was any money left over.

* * *

I spent a bit of time Googling KOA campsites and their fees, reading reviews of State Parks in Washington where we could camp near Puget Sound, and even found a really neat campground just outside of Seattle in the middle of 1,000 acres of beach front and forested area. I got a few days off of work in order to go, even called the nanny and gave her that week off (she gets 2 weeks paid vacation every year...it's in her contract)...and eagerly planned and dreamed about the fun time my kids would have visiting the sights and sounds of Seattle.

* * *

And then reality set in. The cost of gas alone will be near $300 because we have a gas-guzzling SUV. And it still costs to camp. In fact, KOA charges $45/night for a campsite without water or electricity. Can you believe that? Even Washington's State Park is nearly $40/night. For a tent.

* * *

I was so bummed and let down. I mean, it's not like I'm greedy and I am desiring a week-long cruise in the Bahamas. Or a trip up to the Alaskan coast. Or even a trip to North Carolina for a week in a beach-front hotel. Nope, a simple, stupid camping trip is what I'm desiring. And even THAT is out of reach.

* * *

I was really angry, actually, that I am working full-time, my husband is working full-time, and we still can't afford A CAMPING TRIP!!!! I thought, geez, I spend my whole life in an office or a courtroom, and can't afford a stupid camping trip. What's life about, anyway? Certainly NOT what I'm doing now...sigh.

* * *

I AM feeling blue and upset today. And maybe I'm being greedy in the end in desiring this camping trip to Seattle. There are plenty of mothers in third-world countries desiring just a cup full of beans or rice so their starving children can eat and survive one more day.

* * *

Lord, forgive me for my greediness and covetousness this day. I'm sorry.

Days 287 - 290 Just a Bit More to Go!

Seventy-five days left for my one-year journey to re-discover God and His will for my life.

* * *

Funny how I thought I could get it all down pat within one year's time. But God truly has worked marvelous things in my life and my family's life since this journey began.

* * *

My life has settled into a nice routine with my husband, my job, and my children. My marriage is stronger than ever. It's not perfect by any means, but it's 100% better than it was when I began writing this! PTL! (Praise the Lord!)

* * *

Today I am researching hotels and/or camping areas in the Seattle, Washington, area. I would like to take my eldest daughter out that way to look at a few colleges. Whitworth College, in Spokane, and Seattle Pacific University, in Seattle. Both private colleges with tuition running around $35,000/year. But with grants and scholarships, I am hoping to get that knocked in half. They're both smaller Christian colleges, Whitworth the smaller of the two, with plenty of academic success at both and small student-to-teacher ratios. Plus, both colleges offer mission trips both locally and internationally, church services throughout the busy week, and fun groups for the college kids. I'm leaning towards SPU, however, after watching their on-line video of the campus and college life. I think it would be a better fit for my eldest, as well: Seattle has the type of coffee-shop atmosphere that my daughter loves here at home.

* * *

This past weekend was Memorial Day weekend. I had yesterday off of work. It rained, sleeted, hailed, and snowed all weekend long. Well, except for a few hours on Saturday when I mowed the yard and did some gardening outdoors. Sunday was church and nap. Monday was nap and a cinemark movie with the children. My youngest had never been to a theater before. She had to potty during the middle of the movie, and she yelled out, "Can you press pause, please? I have to pee!" She thought we had a remote control to press "pause" until she returned. Too funny!

* * *

I realized yesterday, after having been at home for 3 days straight performing household chores and referree-ing three rambunctious children that I'm not cut out to stay at home full-time. I was anxious to get back to work today. Part-time would be best, but I am thankful for my position and my pay and my benefits. Thank you, God.

* * *

I am plugging away at my biblical counseling studies. Yesterday I was so frustrated that I wondered why I had even begun these on-line courses. I squeeze study time after hours, after I've worked all day. I squeeze study time in at home...but am constantly interrupted by my children. I created more things to do on my to-do list by signing up for these classes. And I honestly struggled with the fact that I might not even succeed at this? Or else how God can actually use me in this?

* * *

I prayed today on my lunch break. One of the topics of conversation with God was how I just wanted to NOT make anymore mistakes. You know, like signing up for biblical counseling classes if I might fail...or other such things. And then I just said, "God, I"m done talking and asking...I just want to sit in your presence, at your feet, and feel some peace and total comfort." So that's what I did. I knelt beside my four-poster bed, silently soaking up the Lord.

Days 286 & 287 - What Has America Become?

"What has America become?" - by Ken Huber, Tawas City.

Has America become the land of the special interest and home of the double standard?

Let's see: If we lie to the Congress, it's a felony and if the Congress lies to us, it's just politics; if we dislike a black person, we're racist and if a black dislikes whites, it's their 1st Amendment right. The government spends millions to rehabilitate criminals and they do almost nothing for the victims.

In public schools, you can teach that homosexuality is OK, but you better not use the word "God" in the process. You can kill an unborn child, but it's wrong to execute a mass murderer.

We don't burn books in America, we now rewrite them.

We got rid of the communist and socialist threat by renaming them "progressives."

We are unable to close our border wtih Mexico, but have no problem protecting the 38th parallel in Korea.

If you protest against President Obama's policies you're a terrorist, but if you burned an American flag or George Bush in effigy, it was your 1st Amendment right.

You can have pornography on TV or the internet, but you better not put a nativity scene in a public park during Christmas.

We have eliminated all criminals in America...they are now called "sick people."

We can use a human fetus for medical research, but it's wrong to use an animal.

We take money from those who work hard for it and give it to those who don't want to work.

We all support the Constitution, but only when it supports our political ideology.

We still have freedom of speech, but only if we are being politically correct.

Parenting has been replaced with Ritalin medication and video games.

The land of opportunity is now the land of hand-outs. The similarity between Hurrican Katrina and the Gulf oil spill is that neither president did anything to help.

And how do we handle a major crisis today? The government appoints a committee to determind who's at fault, then threatens them, passes a law, raises our taxes, tells us the problem is solved so they can get back to their re-election campaign.

What has happened to the land of the free and home of the brave?

Day 285 - Confirmation

I love when God confirms his directions or instructions to me. Remember a few days ago, I posted about needing to slow down and allow God to guide me, as a jockey holds back a race horse just before the big race? Although the race horse is full of excitement and the sense of urgency to break into a full-tilt run, the jockey must first lead this eager horse to the starting line cautiously and slowly, making sure all is in place and everything is ready before pausing for a moment...and waiting for the starting bell to ding and the gates to fly open.

* * *

This morning at prayer and scripture-reading time with my husband, we read about how we, as Christians, must constantly wait upon the Lord for His timing, His guidance, and not get caught up in pushing our own agendas. The author stated that if are obedient to the Lord and willing to go where He is leading, then all will naturally fall into place because God is in control and not ourselves.

* * *

Isaiah 40:31:
"They that wait upon the Lord shall gain new strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not grow weary, they shall walk and not grow faint."

Day 284 - Learning to Counsel

"Who are You to judge Me?" she retorted.

* * *

She had asked me for advice and help regarding a situation. She was a single mom of a toddler, living with the toddler's father, and struggling in many areas of her life. AND...she said she was a born-again Christian.

* * *

Now, had she been married, I would've advised her differently. But since she was claiming to be a Christian and she was living with her boyfriend in sexual sin, I reiterated to her God's word on fornication. I stated that she needed to get her life back in alignment with God's will, and then the blessings would follow. Living outside of God's will, and our lives are in a constant state of chaos and rebellion. I told her that God's commandments are given not to lord Himself over us, laughing maniacally like an evil scientist might: "mwaaaaa-haaaaa-haaaa!" No, the Lord gives us these boundaries and commands so that we might be safe and blessed.

* * *

The woman told me I was judging her, and who was I to judge her!? I was shocked, actually, at the anger in her voice. She stated, "Couldn't you have said, 'Maybe you aren't quite living the perfect life, but I will pray for you and your boyfriend.'"

* * *

Nothing like modern-day Christians who won't look God squarely in the face! Instead, they'd rather God pat them on the back and say, "Oh, it's okay. Whatever your reasons are for sinning, I understand. Now go and have a blessed day!"

* * *

It just floors me, really. Well, I don't even know how I could've approached this better? I play it over again in my mind and wish I hadn't offended her...but glad at the same time that someone has said it plainly to her: Fornication is a sexual sin, and the consequences are far-reaching.

* * *

What she asked for and what she wanted were two different things. She asked for advice and guidance...which I gave...but what she really wanted was an "Atta, girl! It'll be okay! God loves you!"

* * *

Lord, teach me to be a good biblical counselor...non-judgmental but at the same time speaking your words in truth and love. Amen.

Days 280 - 283 God is working, despite the pain

My husband has been under a lot of pressue at work lately. Issues with disgruntled employees, issues with the hardware at the restaurant not working properly, and issues with having to work both Saturdays and Sundays for six weeks straight because the owner will be out of the country.

* * *

My husband is definitely stressed out.
And it doesn't help that I added to his stress. I discussed with him last week that I wished I didn't have to work full-time. I want to be home more in order to take better care of our children. I want to be home more to take better care of our home. And I want to work less so that I could devote more time to the mentoring program that will be starting up shortly. The problem is, my husband has grown accustomed to me picking up the financial slack in our family's budget, first at part-time, and now with full-time work.

* * *

Don't get me wrong, I am totally blessed to have my position at work. It has been a total God-send! But I just believe that my place is not at a desk in an office from Monday through Friday, 8 - 5, and traveling out of town and away from my family. I firmly believe that a woman should be able to take care of her home and children, if she desires to, and that her husband should not require her to work in order to help meet the financial needs that he's not able to.

* * *

I asked my husband what we could do in order to make this a possibility. He said it can't be done.

* * *

And now he is weighed down by my desire to stay at home more often, as well as his struggles with work. And last night, when he initiated his needs and desires in our bedroom, I shut him down. I was too tired. And Olivia was still awake. I have difficulty performing when our children are home. I prefer a quiet afternoon when the toddler is sleeping and the older girls are away from the house. So my husband turned his back to me all night in bed, and then didn't give me a kiss this morning as I left for work.

* * *
Lord, I prayed to you just last week that you might find it in your will to allow me to stay at home more, to have more time and energy for my chidlren and my husband and our home, as well as have more time to devote to the mentoring ministry/outreach. I prayed that you might lead Nord to a more lucrative position...or better yet, that you would teach us how to downsize and do with less. The problem is, my husband won't have any of that downsizing. So I prayed that the Lord might create a situation and a path for my husband in this regard.

* * *

So even though my husband is struggling with his job situation right now, I know that You are leading and guiding...because I've asked you to. Thank you, Father, for my husband's work struggles. I know that you will teach us from these struggles. Amen.