Day 299 - A Glimmer of Rest & Relaxation

Although tomorrow is supposed to be a work day for me, I took a much-needed vacation day away. Tomorrow, I and my three girls will spend the day together eating a yummy homemade breakfast, we'll walk in the drizzling rain to our local library for a bit, and maybe pop over to the local homemade ice cream store for a delicious treat.

In the afternoon, my toddler and I can cuddle up with one another and read books. And while she naps, the older girls and I can sit at the dining room table and play a board game. Or maybe we'll bake cookies or a pie. Who knows? But whatever happens tomorrow, I'm going to relax with my children and enjoy their company.

I miss staying at home with them. I miss that I'm stuck in my office all day while they're home on summer break. And I regret that I have to work full-time while trying to raise a toddler.

But...deep sigh...this is where the Lord has led me, so I have to believe that He knows what's best for my life and my family members' lives at this point in time. I apologize ahead of time to my two-year-old for being a full-time working mommy. It's NOT something I desire in the least. I'd much rather be playing with you in the yard, or teaching you your ABCs and 123s instead of sending you off for the day so I can work. I did the best I could in finding you a nanny who would devote lots of one-on-one time with you, a nanny who is full of hugs and kisses for you. Nanny isn't me...but if it can't be me, then she'll work out just fine. And she has.

To my middle daughter, who is 11 at this stage, I apologize that Mommy wasn't there for you after school days so we could bake cookies or take walks to parks or sit and visit and discuss your day. Again, this isn't my choice...I"m sorry, too, that I come home from work in the evenings tired and cranky...and then spend my weekends running around trying to scrub our home and take care of errands/business when we could be enjoying one another's company. Some day, when you're a mommy yourself, you'll understand that sacrifices have to be made. Our family needs my income right now. Our family needs the health insurance provided by my job.

To my eldest daughter, who is 16, I apologize that you had to bear the brunt of the housework each day after school when you could've been socializing with your friends or working on homework or be-bopping around town. You took on a lot of responsibilities when I had to work full-time...and I couldn't do it without you. You are a very responsible young lady. Thank you for helping me take care of the home and the children.

To my husband, I am sorry that you get the leftover scraps of my time. I regret that I am unable to put you first in my life, put our marriage first. But when a wife is required to work full-time, somebody gets left behind. All too often, it's the spouse. The children are just children and I will not be a mediocre mother. I'm sorry that I'm tired all of the time. I'm sorry that I whine about your inability to provide all of the financial needs that our family needs. I have tried over the years to create a perfect balance. Working full-time, by far, is the worst balance I have ever had to deal with in my parenting and marital life. I can't be Superwoman, although I'd like to be. Maybe one day things will be different and I won't have to work so hard each and every day. Maybe one day, I'll have something left to give to you. That's something I pray for daily and have prayed for for nearly 2 years straight now.

Lord, help us to enjoy one another's company tomorrow. Give us peace and rest and joy with one another. Amen.