Day 341 - Fearing the Worst In Life

Lately, quite a few people have asked me to pray for small children they know who are dying of cancer.

I read the children's stories and grieve for the mothers I have never met.

After being on my knees and praying for these beautiful children I have never met here on Earth but will one day meet in Heaven, I have a knot in my stomach and a feeling of immense anxiety.

"What if one of my girls was diagnosed with cancer? How would I respond? How would I cope? How would my child react to treatments?"

It's an unnatural fear that I need to overcome. I think it's simply because I have been praying for so many little ones who are enduring painful, end-of-life cancer diagnoses that I have this overwhelming fear for my own children.

Father God, I pray for these precious little ones who are undergoing painful cancer treatments, who may even face death. I pray for their mommies and daddies, that You might bring them some sort of comfort and peace. And I pray that You might take away my own fear of cancer in my own family as I continue to lift these children up before You.

Lord, I'm at a loss as to how to pray when cancer is inoperable and not able to be cured. But may my disjointed but heartfelt prayers reach Your ears, and may You respond. Amen.
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EDIT:

I went home for lunch just a bit ago, knelt down on the wood floor in my bedroom and cried and cried unto the Lord. Sometimes, I get overwhelmed with grief for Abbie, a little girl who is dying of terminal neuroblastoma. Brandie is her Mama, and Abbie her only child. If it grieves me this much and shatters my heart into a million pieces, I can't imagine how this grieves God!

Ugh. And I've never met Abbie, either, and I fall to pieces when I pray for her.

On my way back to work, I was listening to David Crowder Band's "Oh, How He Loves Us," and the words spoke of how great God's love is for his people. It's a heartfelt song, truly, that makes a person pause in their day and look to the sky and stand in amazement to God. One of the verses say, "He is jealous for me. Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree, bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy. When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory, And I realize just how beautiful You are, and how great Your affections are for me! And oh....how He loves us! Oh....how He loves us, How He loves us ALL."

And I immediately felt led by the Lord to email Abbie's Mama, Brandie, and tell her how much God loves her.

So I did. I found Brandie's email on her journal's website and emailed her God's words to her. "Oh, how He loves us," along with the lyrics to the song. I told Brandie that I pray nearly every day for her and Abbie. And then I hit the "send" button on the email, bowed my head and cried some more.