Days 276 - 277 It's Black & White to Me!

It's black and white to me. Where some people see some gray areas...I don't. To me, it's cut and dry, black and white, yes or no. There is no middle ground.

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My coworkers and I were discussing issues that come up in raising daughters. Teen pregnancy, good grades, boyfriends, college life, marriage. Some situations that might arise, they see a gray area in their parenting and decision-making. To me...black and white.

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For instance, I have told my older girls they aren't allowed to date boys until they're 17. And even then, it has to be casual dating, as in "Hey, let's hook up and catch a movie," or "Let's go see a basketball game together." I will NOT allow my girls to "date" boys in junior high, as some of my parenting friends would. I will NOT allow my girls to be up at night texting, as some of my parenting friends would. I will NOT allow my girls to get grades below a "B," as some of my friends allow.

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A really BIG "no" is teen pregnancy. My girls know exactly where I stand on premarital sex. I've shared with them many times the pitfalls of sex before marriage. I have shared with them my own heartbreak from premarital sex (in age-appropriate ways, mind you). And I've told them in no way, shape, or form will I say sex before marriage is okay. I share with them God's word on this subject. Now, whether they choose to obey God or their own desires is another matter, so I also have stated that if they become pregnant while living in my home...they're out. I will NOT raise them and their baby, too. If they become pregnant while living in my home, I will send them to a home for pregnant teens where they will learn how to be a mom, and they will have the brunt of the mothering on them...unless they choose to put their child up for adoption.

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My coworkers and my friends think this is too harsh. Why? Why should I be burdened with raising a grandchild when it's my daughter who must face her consequences for her actions. Yes, it will be difficult and heartbreaking to send her away...but this is tough love, in my opinion. She performed an adult act in having sex in the first place, and now she must become an adult and face adult issues and struggles.

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My younger sister became pregnant with twins at the age of 16. I saw my own parents struggle to meet the financial, emotional, and physical needs of those precious babies...and they continued to struggle to meet their financial, emotional, and physcial needs until they left the home at the age of 18. I won't do that. I refuse.

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Another area: marriage. I've told my girls straight up that they won't get a dime towards the cost of their wedding if they marry a man that we don't approve of. I refuse to fork out thousands of dollars on a wedding party for a man I dislike or don't think will make a good husband for my daughter. Sound harsh? You betcha. But I won't stand in a church full of guests and give my daughter away to a loser of a guy, and then watch her struggle in her marriage because of it. As well, I won't pay a dime towards my daughter's wedding if she hasn't completed college or training of some sort. Does this sound harsh, too? Maybe. But life is full of unforeseen circumstances and my daughter will be prepared to handle the finances of the family if her husband should be injured and unable to provide, or, God forbid, he should pass away and leave my daughter with three children to raise.

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As for college life, if I am paying anything towards my child's college expenses, she better get good grades...as in all "As" or "Bs." Anything less, and my financial assistance is gone. I have intelligent, bright daughters...and for them to pull a "C" or less is completely unacceptable. This tells me they aren't taking matters seriously enough to study hard. This, too, sounds too harsh for my friends. But then again, they're okay with their kid pulling a "C" in college...so long as their kid enjoys campus life.

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See, it's black and white to me. There are no gray areas here.

Lord, help me to be an upfront, loving mother to my daughters. Help me to place healthy boundaries on their lives and on their behavior. I know that God's word certainly IS black and white...there's NO gray...so why should my parenting expectations be anything less?