Day 165 - The Holy Ghost

I'm interested in learning more about the Holy Spirit...AKA "Holy Ghost."

But "ghost" sounds so spooky, so I'll use Holy Spirit instead.

I know that on the day of Pentecost commemorates the descent of the Holy Spirit upon the Apostles and other followers of Jesus as described in Acts 2.

Verses 1-6: "And when the day of Pentecost had come, they were all together in one place in one accord, and suddenly there came from heaven a mighty rushing wind and it filled the house where they were sitting. And there appeared unto them cloven tongues like as of fire and it sat on each of them, and they were filled with the Holy Ghost and began to speak with other tongues as the Spirit gave them utterance. And there were dwelling in Jerusalem some Jews, devout men, out of every nation under heaven. Now when this noise was heard, a multitude came together and were confounded because every man heard them speak in their own language."

I know that the Holy Spirit is God. "God is a Spirit." John 4:24.

Jesus said that a person must be born again of God and of the Spirit. John 3:3-5.

"Repent and be baptized each one of you and repent in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost." Acts 2:38.

In my upbringing in the Assembly of God church, speaking in tongues was a common occurrence on Sunday mornings. Then there was an interpretation. Speaking truthfully, I was never comfortable with this. It seemed to me that it was the same people speaking in some language that I could never understand, and then the same people would state the interpretation in English language.

I was raised to believe in this gift of "tongues," but I am not confident that I am truly a believer of this practice...so I'm on a quest to discover this "gift," whether it truly is from God.

I must say, my own dear mother speaks in tongues...I never heard her use it out loud in church, however, but only in the quiet of her bedroom when she was in deep prayer. It did not scare me or confound me. It brought me a sense of peace.

I myself have prayed for this gift on and off over the years.

At one of the altar calls at our Pentecostal church one Sunday, the pastor asked if anyone was willing to receive this gift of tongues, and please come forward. A whole slew of us went forward. I took the end of the row, along the one side of the church's altar.

The pastor went, one-by-one, praying fervently for each believer, placing his shaking palms on top of the person's head, and the person would either end up falling down onto the ground shaking or would begin dancing around for joy and crying.

So one-by-one I watched these events unfurl. I prayed, "Lord, I long to do what is Your will." I admit, I was a bit nervous.

The pastor came to me. He smelled of sweat and had a look of urgency about his eyes when he placed his sweaty palms onto my forehead and spoke a prayer that God would give me this gift of the Holy Ghost. I stood standing.

Then the pastor began to press harder on my forehead, nearly shouting to the Lord on my behalf. Still, I stood. I did not even waver on my legs.

Then the pastor stopped praying, looked me in the eyes, and told me that because I had not received this gift, I must have a huge sin blocking my ability to speak in tongues. And he simply walked away.

I was the only person standing. I was the only person "left out." It was humiliating, to say the least, and quite frustrating.

For the longest time, I truly felt that I had missed asking God to forgive me for a sin I'd committed, or I felt that I was such an inferior Christian because God did not bless me with this.

Now, many, many years later, I am once again searching and longing to know: Who IS this Holy Spirit, anyway? And what is the Holy Spirit's purpose?

So Lord, guide me and teach me. I am longing to know. Amen.