Day 150 - Just Another Day in Paradise

Woke up this morning to -8 degrees F. Yep, 8 below zero.

When it gets this cold, it hurts your lungs when you are outside. The bitter cold air burns your nostrils and lungs. And when you walk on the snow at these cold temperatures, it makes an odd "squeak." The colder it is, the higher the squeak.

This morning, our household was chaos and tears. The older girls were rushing around and yelling at each other, we all fought for a time slot in the only bath/shower in our Victorian home, and when the nanny arrived for the toddler, it was a full-blown temper tantrum and tears and boogers.

So I am grateful to be sitting in my quiet, warm office sipping my hot coffee.

Last night, my eldest had a meltdown. She was upset because the house always seems to be disorganized and in need of some attention somewhere. My eldest expects our home to always be neat and tidy and scrubbed to a shine, like her friends' homes. But what my eldest doesn't understand is that her girlfriends are the babies in their families, and sometimes even an only child left living in the home; whereas in our home, there are three children currently residing there...one of whom is a toddler.

My eldest daughter complains we have no extra money for nicer things...but then she will have some girlfriends sleep over, and they destroy something valuable, like our solid marble coffee table that she knocked over, and the slab of marble broke into 3 or 4 jagged pieces. Or the fact that I spend what amounts to nearly another mortgage payment on childcare for the toddler. Or the fact that we lost all of our savings and retirement when our business went south...and now her father is working as a manager of a cafe and hardware store instead of managing an upscale, members' only dining club as he had in the past.

I try so hard to be a good mother, but I fall short with each child we have. So today, I'm a bit saddened, but I also realize that I can't be perfect. I love my children dearly, and that, really, is what counts. They are loved. They are fed every single meal of every single day. They have warm beds on cold nights. They have health. They have Jesus.

Lord, help me to be a good mother and wife and employee. It upsets me when I fall short, in my own eyes and in the eyes of my family members. Amen.