Days 42 and 43 - Make a Joyful Shout!

This blog is a bit too personal to write...but I feel somebody out there just might need to hear my story. It's about depression, that taboo ailment that men and women all over the globe suffer from.

I'm not talking about that down-in-the-dumps type of feeling you might have one day, and then the next you are back up again and able to get through your day.

No, I'm talking chronic, major depression that is either hereditary or comes about as the result of certain life stressors and events. You can't sleep, you can't eat, you can't focus, you're irritable, you're easily agitated. And it lasts for not one or two days...but weeks and weeks or maybe even months. You feel hopeless and, at times, worthless. And you can't seem to find your way out and into the light of day. Millions of people suffer from this "taboo" ailment. The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) reports that 15 million people suffer from depression...or about 8% of the adult population.

Women are especially vulnerable to depression through hormonal or physical changes. According to NAMI, women suffer twice as much from depression as men.

Those numbers are staggering. And I'm one of the 15 million. I suffer from chronic and major depression. I have for years.

Whether it's brought on from an emotional childhood or it was passed down to me by one or both of my parents doesn't matter. But I have it. And now I recongnize that I will always have it.

I was first diagnosed with major depression after the birth of my second child. But then, it was diagnosed as post-partum depression, brought on by the hormone changes after the birth of my child. People used to say, "Just pull yourself out of it!" But I couldn't. And my OB-GYN finally placed me on a low-dose of medication to help me. After about four days of taking the medication, it seemed I had more energy, I had a better outlook on life, and I could take care of my children without crying throughout my day.

The second time I was diagnosed with post-partum depression was after the birth of my third child. I was once again prescribed a low-dose antidepressant. I was able to function normally and take care of my family.

And now, I've been diagnosed a third time. This time, I have been warned not to go off of the antidepressants...to continue taking them.

For quite some time, I prayed my illness to go away. I had others praying for me. But it just worsened and deepened. I had some even tell me that if I was closer to the Lord, my depression would be alleviated and all would be well once again.

I felt so overwhelmed with guilt that I could not make my depression go away...and I was angry with God for not taking it away...until somebody pointed out that just like someone with high blood pressure who takes medication to alleviate their ailment, I could take medication to alleviate my depression.

I don't know why society places such a taboo on depression when it is another medical ailment that our bodies suffer from. Why not take the antidepressant and feel good once again?

So now I'm on my third round of antidepressants...realizing that I might always need to take them. I'm a better mother on them, I'm a better wife on them, I'm a better employee on them. I'm thankful for the person who gave me the courage to face my depression head on and take the necessary steps in making myself well once again. I'm thankful for the doctor who carefully listened to my story and prescribed the dosage that would work best for my situation. And I'm SO thankful to my family for loving me throughout my depressive state...

Lord, your word says in Psalm 100: 1, 2: "Make a joyful shout to the Lord! ... Come before His presence with singing!" I finally feel that I CAN once again...