Days 225 - 227 What Have I Done?

First things first. I caved.

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My teenage daughter threw the biggest fit at me for nearly 24 hours straight...and I caved. She first asked me on Thursday if I would allow her to go to Florida over spring break. Of course, as any good mother would do, I said, "Absolutely not. You're only 15." But then she explained she wanted to go spend the week with her grandmother...my husband's mother, and grandmother was going to pay for most of the airline ticket. Well, I don't like last-minute decision-making. I still said, "no." And because she'd already telephoned her father at work and he'd already said, "I don't care, go ask your mother," she figured out that I was the only parent saying no, so she would begin playing me as best she could.

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And did she ever. Tears, following me around the house, calling her grandmother AND aunt and crying to them about how mean I was, etc. It was actually one of the worst 24 hours in parenting I've ever faced. Doors slamming, incessant whining and pouting...even worse than my toddler! My husband arrived home from work and immediately we discussed thing behind closed doors. Why hadn't he said, "Your mother and I need to discuss this first," instead of his off-the-cuff "let your mother handle this one" as usual? Didn't husband realize all of the factors involved? Plus, if she went, our 11 year old daughter would be home alone all spring break? He promised he wouldn't say the last part to teenage daughter because that would really set her off, but we agreed to say "no" as a united front. Only my husband's "no" turned into a "well, wait until tomorrow and I'll give you my final answer."

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My husband managed to avoid teenage daughter's phone calls and incessant texts all day long. At about 4:00 p.m., he finally spoke with her. Guess what he said? "You have to stay home to watch your sister." This caused all hell to break loose in my home. The minute I walked in the front door from working all day, my teenage daughter hit me with a barrage of insults and "this isn't fair" remarks that followed me from one room to another. For literally TWO full hours, my daughter wore me down like some sort of Chinese water torture. As each minute ticked by, I was getting angrier and angrier at my spouse. Why didn't he help me in this? Why did he say the ONE thing I asked him NOT to say? In my mind, I was calling him an idiot and wishing I'd been wiser in picking my life-long mate. And finally, I caved. I shouted back at my snot-nosed, red-eyed, puffy-faced teenager, "I don't care! Just go! I can't handle this anymore!" And within a nano-second, her water works had stopped, a smile of "A-Ha! spread across her face." I had commited THE fatal error in Parenting 101. But really...I could NOT do this alone. I was totally snowplowed by my daughter, my husband, my mother-in-law, and my sister-in-law! Why could everyone just call me and check with me first before saying things like, "I'll pay for your airline ticket," and "I was 16 when I flew alone." Pretty much everyone giving her the "okay" to go before they'd even spoken one word to me. Dysfunction at its finest.

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I tell ya, be careful who you choose as mate in life, because no matter the distance in miles, they have their sharp nails/claws digging into your family life no matter the distance that separates you. So today, although I had originally planned on taking the day off of work and spending time with my daughters for their spring break, I'm at work. I refuse to help my husband drive all three girls down to the airport an hour away from here. I refuse to help my daughter prepare for her trip but instead am placing it all squarely on my husband's shoulders to juggle this mess he didn't help me with. Not very Christian of me, I suppose...but my coping mechanism, nonetheless.

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I attended church this past Sunday with the girls while my husband worked at his place of employment. There's a really messed up 20-something boy who has been coming the last few weeks. Boy's name is Josh. Josh is full of tattoos all over his face, arms, hands, lips, ears, neck, etc. He has nose rings and earrings, too. He's actually pretty scary to look at. But Josh has been reaching out for help in church these past few weeks, and I decided to try to help. In fact, I went so far as to write a tithe check to the church. I wrote the exact number of dollars I had left in my checking account, even, and prayed that God would use my act of tithing and bless Josh's life with it. I was pretty excited to do this at the time.

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I invited Josh to our home for Sunday dinner last night. I prayed with Josh during service, along with another church member. Josh cried buckets of tears. Clearly, this messed up boy needs to be shown Christ's love. What better way than to invite him over and spend some time with him...right? Josh arrived at our Victorian home on time. He was carrying his Alcoholics Anonymous books from the meeting he'd just attended. That fact didn't bother me one bit. In fact, it was promising to me that he is going. Josh sat in our livingroom, a bit nervous and the conversation a bit bumpy. My teenager asked Josh what his favorite type of movies are. "Horror movies," was his reply, "supernatural horror movies, actually." And then he went on to describe some of the types of movies he enjoys...and followed it up with some bizarre statements that he believes all of these movies to be true, and that he has seen first-hand many of these things played out in real life. Kinda made me uncomfortable, but I know that Satan is real and he is a fabulous Deceiver, so I made a mental note to pray about this with Josh.

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I asked Josh about his background. He's from Indiana, moved away when he was 14. I know better than to believe the "moved away" part...any boy at the age of 14 who leaves home alone has actually "run away." I thought, "what a troubled past this kid has, for sure, to run away at such a young age." Another mental note was made to pray about this, as well. I asked where he has been the past few years. "Prison," he said as if he was talking about his time at the supermarket picking out groceries.

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I gulped. My three children were gathered around this man...and I began to feel quite nervous. I asked if he would like to play a game while my husband and I cooked dinner. He played cribbage with my eldest daughter first. My middle daughter was waiting her turn to play while my toddler was peeking at Josh's purple hair and tattoos from behind a curtain. And then abruptly, Josh said to me, "I have to go." Dinner was nearly done cooking...he was in the middle of playing cribbage...and he had to leave. Well, fine. He needed a ride home, he said. So my husband turned off the gas stove where we'd been cooking and took Josh "home."

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When my husband returned less than 5 minutes later, I asked where Josh lives. Turns out, my husband drove Josh to the local mental health center a few blocks away...the one where all of the druggies and weirdos hang out...the building where I specifically tell my daughters to stay away from. Last night, I spent hours lying in bed worrying about having this type of a guy in my home, around my children.

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Had I misinterpreted God's prompting? Would Josh show up at my home during the time my middle daughter is home alone and harm her in some way? I still am unsure. And I feel like I should not have had this very disturbed boy in our home now. Lord, I tried to reach out in your name and now I feel scared in doing so. Although this boy needs to be shown your love and compassion and guidance...perhaps it shouldn't have been me who stepped up to the plate. Please, keep my family safe. I pray for Josh and his future. I pray the blood of Jesus on this boy's soul. And I ask that in tithing my last dollar for Josh's benefit that You would not let us down. Amen.

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