Day 209 - Drama, Drama, Drama!

It was total drama and tears in my household this morning.

My husband remarked to me that he would like to take our middle daughter to a sportsman's banquet on Friday evening. Since she is currently taking hunter's education classes, he figured this would be a fun thing for her to participate in, as well.

I remarked, "Why don't use say that you would like to take her on a date...and make sure you use that word, 'date.' It'll make her feel really special, and she'll probably be really excited about it all day today."

Turns out, middle daughter had sleepover plans with a girlfriend. My husband said, "Well, I can drop you off at her home after the banquet. It's in the same part of town."

Middle daughter hesitated. She didn't respond as enthusiastically as husband had hoped. She said, "Well, that won't give me and my friend much time to play, Dad."

This wasn't at all how my husband hoped it would go. He became agitated. "Well, don't go then. Just go with your friend. It isn't often that I ask you to do things with me. But whatever. Go spend the night with your little friend."

The drama had begun. Tears started welling up and out of my daughter's eyes. "It's just that you don't pay attention to us when we go to these things, Dad. You tend to ignore us when we go and then you go off and be all social with your buddies."

My husband reacted angrily, his voice raising as he turned and walked away from his daughter. "You know, you begged and begged for me to take you to the last banquet in town. Now I want to take you and you are being all emotional and dramatic about it."

She cried even more. I walked over and hugged her and said, "It's okay. You feel how you feel, and this needs to be addressed. Your father is getting upset because he doesn't want to face how you are feeling."

Middle daughter followed her father and said, "Dad, I want to go..but please pay attention to me when we're there."

Now my husband was being dramatic, kinda yelling about stuff and huffing around the house.

Middle daughter cried even harder.

I stepped in. "You know, this could all be resolved with one sentence: 'Honey, I'm sorry you feel that I don't pay attention to you, but I promise to focus on you at the banquet.'"

He still didn't get it. He made some snarky remark at his daughter. Now I was getting angry.

Our middle daughter had been standing there crying...and my husband had walked away from her, had made snide remarks to her, and had comepletely belittled her feelings. My "old" husband had reared his ugly head.

After some cajoling on my part, my husband finally hugged our teary-eyed daughter and apologized a whimpy little apology. But it worked...a little bit, at least.

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Raising girls is hard. They're mini-wives, really. Any man who is raising daughters should know this: It takes one kind and reassuring sentence to assuage any feelings of anxiety in females. Don't walk away. Don't point the blame on them because you're not wanting to deal with the issue that's upsetting them. Generally, a hug is the anxiety-buster, as well. A hug closes the deal, seals the peace back in our lives.

Don't ask your daughter to come to you for a hug, either. Go to her. And don't hug her half-heartedly...she knows it. The way you treat her now will be the way she will treat you when you're old, crippled, and in diapers.

"An anxious heart weighs a girl down...but a kind word cheers her up."

Proverbs 12:25

"A soft answer turns away wrath...but a harsh word stirs up anger."

Proverbs 15:1