Days 228 - 230 Just When I Thought I Had It All Under Control

Just when I thought I had life under control, my marriage issues all worked out, my parenting at its best and finest...turmoil struck. I'm sure you read my last post: Issues with parenting my teenage daughter, issues with my in-laws, and then issues with my spouse...all in the time span of 24 hours.

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I had been praying about starting up a women's mentoring program at the church, feeling pretty confident in my abilities to mentor and help a younger wife and mother. I was thanking the Lord for guiding me to this wonderful outreach, for leading me through all of the struggles I'd faced in my early years of marriage, and for bringing me to a place in my life where certain issues and battles had already been won and I could sit back and enjoy the remaining years of my parenting, and relishing in my wonderful, new marriage.

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I'm looking back at those days of struggle in my last post and thinking two things: Either Satan really, really tripped me up because he wanted me to feel inadequate about parenting and marriage skills...or God is showing me that I'm so imperfect at both that I couldn't possibly be of any help to younger wives and mothers.

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I'm leaning towards the first...but hesitant to say that with confidence. So I will continue to pray about things.

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Lord, I don't have my life under control after all, do I? Teach me through this latest experience. Help me to discover and learn from this. Help me to be a better wife and a better mother through this. Guide me and lead me down the path that You have chosen for me. I ask this in Jesus' name, Amen.

Days 225 - 227 What Have I Done?

First things first. I caved.

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My teenage daughter threw the biggest fit at me for nearly 24 hours straight...and I caved. She first asked me on Thursday if I would allow her to go to Florida over spring break. Of course, as any good mother would do, I said, "Absolutely not. You're only 15." But then she explained she wanted to go spend the week with her grandmother...my husband's mother, and grandmother was going to pay for most of the airline ticket. Well, I don't like last-minute decision-making. I still said, "no." And because she'd already telephoned her father at work and he'd already said, "I don't care, go ask your mother," she figured out that I was the only parent saying no, so she would begin playing me as best she could.

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And did she ever. Tears, following me around the house, calling her grandmother AND aunt and crying to them about how mean I was, etc. It was actually one of the worst 24 hours in parenting I've ever faced. Doors slamming, incessant whining and pouting...even worse than my toddler! My husband arrived home from work and immediately we discussed thing behind closed doors. Why hadn't he said, "Your mother and I need to discuss this first," instead of his off-the-cuff "let your mother handle this one" as usual? Didn't husband realize all of the factors involved? Plus, if she went, our 11 year old daughter would be home alone all spring break? He promised he wouldn't say the last part to teenage daughter because that would really set her off, but we agreed to say "no" as a united front. Only my husband's "no" turned into a "well, wait until tomorrow and I'll give you my final answer."

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My husband managed to avoid teenage daughter's phone calls and incessant texts all day long. At about 4:00 p.m., he finally spoke with her. Guess what he said? "You have to stay home to watch your sister." This caused all hell to break loose in my home. The minute I walked in the front door from working all day, my teenage daughter hit me with a barrage of insults and "this isn't fair" remarks that followed me from one room to another. For literally TWO full hours, my daughter wore me down like some sort of Chinese water torture. As each minute ticked by, I was getting angrier and angrier at my spouse. Why didn't he help me in this? Why did he say the ONE thing I asked him NOT to say? In my mind, I was calling him an idiot and wishing I'd been wiser in picking my life-long mate. And finally, I caved. I shouted back at my snot-nosed, red-eyed, puffy-faced teenager, "I don't care! Just go! I can't handle this anymore!" And within a nano-second, her water works had stopped, a smile of "A-Ha! spread across her face." I had commited THE fatal error in Parenting 101. But really...I could NOT do this alone. I was totally snowplowed by my daughter, my husband, my mother-in-law, and my sister-in-law! Why could everyone just call me and check with me first before saying things like, "I'll pay for your airline ticket," and "I was 16 when I flew alone." Pretty much everyone giving her the "okay" to go before they'd even spoken one word to me. Dysfunction at its finest.

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I tell ya, be careful who you choose as mate in life, because no matter the distance in miles, they have their sharp nails/claws digging into your family life no matter the distance that separates you. So today, although I had originally planned on taking the day off of work and spending time with my daughters for their spring break, I'm at work. I refuse to help my husband drive all three girls down to the airport an hour away from here. I refuse to help my daughter prepare for her trip but instead am placing it all squarely on my husband's shoulders to juggle this mess he didn't help me with. Not very Christian of me, I suppose...but my coping mechanism, nonetheless.

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I attended church this past Sunday with the girls while my husband worked at his place of employment. There's a really messed up 20-something boy who has been coming the last few weeks. Boy's name is Josh. Josh is full of tattoos all over his face, arms, hands, lips, ears, neck, etc. He has nose rings and earrings, too. He's actually pretty scary to look at. But Josh has been reaching out for help in church these past few weeks, and I decided to try to help. In fact, I went so far as to write a tithe check to the church. I wrote the exact number of dollars I had left in my checking account, even, and prayed that God would use my act of tithing and bless Josh's life with it. I was pretty excited to do this at the time.

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I invited Josh to our home for Sunday dinner last night. I prayed with Josh during service, along with another church member. Josh cried buckets of tears. Clearly, this messed up boy needs to be shown Christ's love. What better way than to invite him over and spend some time with him...right? Josh arrived at our Victorian home on time. He was carrying his Alcoholics Anonymous books from the meeting he'd just attended. That fact didn't bother me one bit. In fact, it was promising to me that he is going. Josh sat in our livingroom, a bit nervous and the conversation a bit bumpy. My teenager asked Josh what his favorite type of movies are. "Horror movies," was his reply, "supernatural horror movies, actually." And then he went on to describe some of the types of movies he enjoys...and followed it up with some bizarre statements that he believes all of these movies to be true, and that he has seen first-hand many of these things played out in real life. Kinda made me uncomfortable, but I know that Satan is real and he is a fabulous Deceiver, so I made a mental note to pray about this with Josh.

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I asked Josh about his background. He's from Indiana, moved away when he was 14. I know better than to believe the "moved away" part...any boy at the age of 14 who leaves home alone has actually "run away." I thought, "what a troubled past this kid has, for sure, to run away at such a young age." Another mental note was made to pray about this, as well. I asked where he has been the past few years. "Prison," he said as if he was talking about his time at the supermarket picking out groceries.

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I gulped. My three children were gathered around this man...and I began to feel quite nervous. I asked if he would like to play a game while my husband and I cooked dinner. He played cribbage with my eldest daughter first. My middle daughter was waiting her turn to play while my toddler was peeking at Josh's purple hair and tattoos from behind a curtain. And then abruptly, Josh said to me, "I have to go." Dinner was nearly done cooking...he was in the middle of playing cribbage...and he had to leave. Well, fine. He needed a ride home, he said. So my husband turned off the gas stove where we'd been cooking and took Josh "home."

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When my husband returned less than 5 minutes later, I asked where Josh lives. Turns out, my husband drove Josh to the local mental health center a few blocks away...the one where all of the druggies and weirdos hang out...the building where I specifically tell my daughters to stay away from. Last night, I spent hours lying in bed worrying about having this type of a guy in my home, around my children.

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Had I misinterpreted God's prompting? Would Josh show up at my home during the time my middle daughter is home alone and harm her in some way? I still am unsure. And I feel like I should not have had this very disturbed boy in our home now. Lord, I tried to reach out in your name and now I feel scared in doing so. Although this boy needs to be shown your love and compassion and guidance...perhaps it shouldn't have been me who stepped up to the plate. Please, keep my family safe. I pray for Josh and his future. I pray the blood of Jesus on this boy's soul. And I ask that in tithing my last dollar for Josh's benefit that You would not let us down. Amen.

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Day 224 - Parent of a Teenage Daughter

What happened to my baby girl? The one who used to snuggle up her chubby cheeks into my warm neck and whisper, "I wuv you, Mama." She would follow me around, mimicking everything I said and did. She looked up to me. She adored me.

And then she grew and grew...into a teenager.

Now she screams at me, tells me what to do, what not to do, doesn't think I have a brain, feels as if I am out to get her, and can't understand the boundaries and rules I set sometimes.

She pits her father against me with such cunning and skill, a smile on her face and a skip in her step.

If she doesn't get her way, it's full-blown tears and slamming of doors. She's a big girl acting like my toddler sometimes, although she feels like she's so grown up and mature.

And sometimes, she really is mature for her age. I trust her with the truck. She pretty much comes and goes as she pleases after school, so long as she lets us know where she is and what time she'll be home. She gets good grades in school. She is loving to her youngest sister -- can't say the same for her relationship with my middle daughter, however.

I struggle in parenting this volatile teenager. When she was young, and friends of mine had teenage daughters who behaved this way, I would say to myself, "My daughter will never behave that way," or "I wouldn't allow my daughter to do or say those things to me."

And yet here I am in the middle of a battleground nearly every week: she's on one side of the battlefield throwing her fiery and piercing darts, and I'm ducking behind my itty-bitty shield defending myself and feeling a lot like David from the story David and Goliath.

Lord, I ask that you guide me and lead me in my parenting of this volatile and yet loving teenage daughter. Help me survive the next two years that she is in my home. Help me to still place loving boundaries that she must obey, and help us to navigate through this emotional time as mother and daughter. Amen.

Day 223 (C) - It's already working, LOL

I just posted my tithing experiment not several hours ago...and something has already happened.

I owed $569.00 for my court reporting software support agreement today. When I called to pay, the woman only charged me $549.00! A $20 savings! Ha!

Day 223 (B) My Tithing Experiment

I mentioned that we do not tithe to church. Never have. We may throw a few bucks into the offering plate, but we have never, in all of our 17 years of marriage, tithed on a regular basis.

I asked God to help us with our finances. And one thing that completely humbled me -- and I'm being brutally honest here so it's unnerving for me to state in public -- is I'd rather spend $70 on something for my home, something that would make my life easier as a mother or a wife or an employee, than give to God.

There. I said it.

I did it just yesterday, in fact. Instead of tithing $70 or more of my income to church, I bought a new pasta machine. I told myself, "This is being a good mother because I will be feeding my children and husband healthier noodles without all of the chemicals and preservatives in store-bought noodles."

It's completely silly and embarrassing to type that out and see my thoughts in black and white...but there it is. True feelings by me.

My husband and I put a hold on our athletic club membership. That's a $100 savings per month. Instead of using that money to tithe...I bought a new pasta machine.

I am really, really embarrassed about it now. And yet...excited for my pasta machine. How sinful is that!?

I had a bit leftover in my checking account from last payday, so I did write a check to the church for $40. Plus a check I'd written just moments before for our Wednesday night meal for $10. Really, that's $50 of money I wouldn't normally give. But I did give.

For the remainder of my one-year-blog, I will purpose to find out whether tithing truly does produce results...which I already know the answer to that silly question but want to see it all played out in black and white.

Malachi 3:8-10 "Will a man rob or defraud God? Yet you rob and defraud me. You say, "But how do we rob and defraud you?" By refusing to give God your tithes and offerings."

"Give and it will be given unto you. a good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you." Luke 6:38

"Remember this: whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously. Each man should give what he ha sdecided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. And God is able to make all grace abound to you so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work." 2 cor. 9:6-8

verses 10-11: "Now he who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will also supply and increase your store of seed and will enlarge the harvest of your righteousness. You will be made rich in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion, and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God."

I realize now that God cannot move me forward and use me in bigger and better ways until I get my tithing right. Lord, I am ready...I think. Help me to understand this tithing process, and show me how to be faithful in my giving.

EDIT: By the way, I am NOT doing this so that I can gain riches...I am doing this so that I can get myself right with God so that He can use me in mighty, mighty ways!

Day 223 - A Life of Service

"Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain."

1 Cor. 15:58

What is the work of the Lord? It's the meal I prepare for my hungry brood of children...it's the shoulder rub I give my husband after a hard day's work...it's taking care of my home...it's being a diligent employee for my boss...it's hugging a child who is hurting...it's encouraging another woman...it's praying for my neighbors and my enemies.

In the real world, this earthly world, there's a heirarchy to everything. Take my job, for instance. My Judge is in charge over me. In viewing a chart of positions in my office, there is a heirarchial breakdown. In sports, there is a head coach, the players, and the water boys. Again, heirarchy.

But with Christ, it is not so.

"You know that those who are regarded as rulers of this world dominate...and their high positions exercise power over others. But it must not be like that among Christians. On the contrary. Whoever wants to become great among you must be a servant, and whoever wants to be first among you must be slave to all. For even the son of Man did not come to be served but to serve." Mark 10:42-45

Women pay top dollar to have a day at the spa. Our feet are massaged and rubbed with sweet scented lotions. Our faces are polished and scrubbed. Our hair is coiffed and perfected. Our nails are painted. We are completely pampered. We pay this amount of money so that someone else is our servant and takes care of our "needs" and desires.

But in Christ, we are explicitly told to serve others.

I have found in my life that when I am feeling blue or down in the dumps, a trip to the mall for a new blouse might temporarily perk me up, but what has a more lasting effect is an act of service by me towards someone else.

Next time you are sad or feeling "woe-is-me," I encourage you to reach out to others and serve. This will most definitely pull you out of your despair and bring you back into alignment with God and His will for your life, and will put into perspective the issue you are facing.

Day 222 - Teach Me To Number My Days

"To the world you might be one person...

But to one person, you might be the world."

Author Unknown

My time on earth is short. If I live my life for fleshly desires -- new vehicles, modern home, fancy attire, fancy title -- I have not lived a life worthy of being called "Christian."

"Teach us to number our days that we may gain a heart of wisdom," says Psalm 90:12.

"Lord make me to know my end and what is the number of my days, that I may know how frail I am. Indeed, the number of my days is small like the size of my hand. My age is as nothing before you. Certainly every man at his best state is but vapor." Psalm 39: 4-6

The Bible also states that life is like a shadow that is only temporary. As well, the Bible states that life is like a flower that flourishes...and then quickly withers and fades away.

I think most of the time, we forget that life is short. In our childhood, waiting for our next birthday seems to take eons. When we are in our 20s, we feel as if we have our whole lives before us. We live for the here and the now. Around 40, we suddenly realize that our lives are nearly half over. And as we grow even older, we realize how fleeting our life has been.

When we understand that life is short, we become wiser people. We view life and its issues more clearly. We have a better perspective. We invest our time and energy more wisely. This thinking causes us to carefully choose how we are going to live out the remainder of our days.

As for me, I want to impact people for Christ with the time that I have left. Whether I reach one or twenty-one, I want God to reach inside my soul and pull out all of the dead and useless parts and fill it up with His Spirit so that I may love others with Christ's love, reach out to others as Christ did, and be used as God's hands and feet on this earth.

Because we only have one life to live on this earth, we need to have a vision. Charles Spurgeon said, "You will not be a very good captain if you do not know what port you are sailing for." The same is true for my life. I must have a vision.

Where am I sailing? Where am I going? I don't want to just drift along in life...I want to have a clear plan of action, a concrete destination.

1 Peter 4:2 says, "that he should no longer live the rest of his life for the flesh full of lusts of men, but for the will of God. For we have spent enough of our lifetime in doing the will of the godless."

Lord, please give me a sense of direction for the next 40 years of my life. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

Day 221 - The Art of Aging (Gracefully)

This morning, as well as last night, I asked the Lord to show me how to age gracefully.

I went online to my women's support group and asked how many of them found the aging process to be difficult, and I received many responses stating that yes, they found the aging process to be a very difficult.

Whether this is due to our society's standards or due to our own self-awareness, aging is not very welcomed in America.

Search the internet, watch TV, or browse a magazine and you'll find multi-million dollar businesses that target the aging female population. Decrease your wrinkles. Flatten your tummy. Boost your butt cheeks. Increase your bust size. Whiten your teeth. From makeup to hair dyes to injections like Botox, women are told from a very young age that getting old is awful, and here's how to avoid it at all costs.

Somehow, somewhere in our generations of American grandmothers and great-grandmothers, we have not passed down how to age gracefully.

So my prayer, my quest, is to find out how to age gracefully, so that I can pass this information, this life boat, on to my own three daughters so they won't feel like they have to jump ship with a boulder tied around their feet rather than face getting old.

Lord, teach me how to age gracefully. Bring people into my life who can guide me and lead me. give me direction through books, articles, and Your Holy Word on how to age gracefully so that I can pass this on to my own dear daughters when it's their time. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

Days 218 - 220 I'm progressive!

Today was my annual eye exam. Well, it's supposed to be an "annual" exam, but I didn't get one last year. So it's really my 2-year exam, if truth be told.

My husband took me down to the eye care center with toddler, since it's his day off and his exam was scheduled just after my own.

While in the doctor's room, I could hear my toddler throwing a fit in the waiting area where all of the glasses are displayed. I was sitting in that huge optical chair with all of the eye exam equipment around me thinking, "I'm so glad my husband's taking care of the toddler right now and not me." Because I didn't get my usual mug of hot coffee this morning -- we'd run out -- I was a bit...cranky. Okay, I cannot tell a lie. I was downright mean and nasty this morning and my husband and I managed to argue about dog poop and hair in the tub for a good half hour before we even left for the 9:00 a.m. eye exam appointment.

But I digress.

The optician was a pleasant younger-ish man, about mid-30s. He went about checking my eyes with the standard, "Which one looks better: One or Two?" And he clicks the machine to various positions.

Most of my answers brought a monotoned reply from the optician: "That's good."

But then I must've chosen the wrong number because he says, "Let's try that again. Which one looks better? One or Two?"

And again, I chose the wrong number.

So he readjusts his rolling chair, readjusts my eye equipment, and does it a third time. Same result.

He scoots backwards in his chair, scratches his balding head and says to me, "You're about five years too young for this, but you need bifocals."

I kinda figured that out myself about six months ago. But being told this information by a doctor is kinda like admitting you have an addiction. The moment you truly face this reality hits you like a ton of bricks.

I figured this out myself when my middle daughter would throw her paperwork in my face and say, "Look, Mom! I got an A!" And I'd grab the paper from in front of my eyes and stretch my arms out as far as they would go and look at the paper from a distance.

Or when I am in church and the pastor has us read scripture along with him, and I pull my glasses up and over my forehead so I can see the small print in my Bible a bit clearer. And then I pull my glasses back over my eyes when I look up at the pastor at the front of the congregation.

But it really, really struck me last night when I was sewing at the sewing machine and I couldn't focus on the eye of the needle and had to get my middle daughter to thread the needle for me.

So I ordered my "progressive lens" pair of glasses and forked over $257. I'm told nobody can tell they'll be "progressive lenses," however. Just to be sure people couldn't possibly notice, I picked out a bejeweled pair of frames that glimmer and shine and refract light so people notice the jewels and not my lenses.

Did I mention I'm turning 40 in a few weeks?

Turning 40 and bifocals within 2 weeks of each other. That's enough to make a woman want to visit a plastic surgeon and lift in places that have fallen and plump up other places that have leaked out their youthfulness.

Sigh....

Ah, well. I must learn to grow old gracefully...right? At least my husband says he doesn't see my youth hightailing it out of my body faster than a speeding bullet.

"And no one after drinking old wine desires new, for he says, 'The old is good.'"

"Gray hair is a crown of glory. It is gained in a righteous life." Proverbs 16:31

"Even unto old age I am He,

And to gray hairs I will carry you."

Isaiah 46:4

Day 217 - Leading an Upright Life

Your past can come back to haunt you.

Today we had an all-day trial for a worker who was injured on the job. It all boiled down to "Did he tell the truth?"

You see, he says he injured himself by straining his back. But no one else on the job site saw the injury take place.

And although this man has doctor records that support an injury did happen, the million-dollar question is: Did it happen at work as he says it did?

Credibility. The judge now has to enter a ruling in this case based on the testimony and credibility of the witness, and the witnesses' past plays a great role.

You see, this injured worker has struggled for years with alcoholism. Even was sent to jail for it. When asked on the stand if he has abided by all of the terms of his parole, the witness pled the Fifth...which means he doesn't have to answer that.

A lot about this man's past behavior came out, as well...all leading to the same conclusion: the injured worker has definitely NOT led an upright life or an honest life.

Your past can come back to haunt you. Even if you have cleaned yourself up for the last 18 months and have become an upstanding citizen, your past still plays a role in your future.

Be careful how you live your life.

"A man of integrity walks securely, but he who takes crooked paths will be found out." Proverbs 10:9

"A truthful witness does not deceive, but a false witness pours out lies." Proverbs 14:5

"He has shown you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? That you act justly and love mercy and walk humbly with your God." Micah 6:8.

Day 216 - The Older Women Teaching the Younger Women

Sometimes we want to be used by God in mighty ways -- like being a missionary in a far-off land or being a pastor's wife who tirelessly assists her husband as well as the congregation -- and we realize that God needs us for other purposes in His Kingdom.

It dawned on me yesterday that God is using me in ways I haven't asked Him to and in ways I never thought of. For instance, I never dreamed that God would use me to encourage and uplift other Christian women on the Internet...but He is doing just that.

I became a member of an on-line community of Christian women about six months ago. There are nearly 1,000 members in this group. There are various forums within this group like the Prayer Forum, or the Marriage & Family Forum, or a General Topics Forum, as well as others. I created a screen name and began posting about myself in this group of women, sharing the difficulties in my marriage, asking for prayer, and learning to grow in the Lord with these women from all walks of life.

Although this group is on the internet and everyone signs in with a screen name and not their real name, we get to know one another quickly and minister to each other. When one woman is feeling down or upset, fellow members of this group come alongside her and lift her up in prayer and encourage her with scripture verses as well as stories of how God has led them through some difficult times in their lives, as well. Real, live women sharing their real, live accounts of how Jesus has touched them and healed them. Very powerful testimonies from all around the United States.

When I began this on-line group, I was just beginning my one-year journey to re-discover God and His path for my life. Most of my posts were crying out for help, asking for prayer, asking for advice and encouragement. I had a troubled marriage, or I had questions on child-rearing, or I had something I wanted to share with the other ladies.

We laugh together, we cry together, we worship together...all from the comfort of our homes and within the confines of our computer systems. A network of women of various ages, backgrounds, faiths, and nationalities coming together.

As God has led me these past six months, I have morphed into a new Christian woman: confident in Christ's love, eager to share how God has blessed my family through my obedience and faith, and reaching out to the newer women who come on board with pain and tribulation.

Titus 2 says this: "The older women shall be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things -- that they may admonish the younger women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed."

I have grown so much in my faith through this board of women who hold firmly to the teachings of Titus 2....and now I am teaching others.

I pray for the women on this board, I pray about topics I should post and discuss with them. One particular time I was praying, Titus 2 came to mind and I thought, "Why not start a Mentoring program on this Board?"

I was really excited! The older women teaching the younger women! Thank you, Lord! I find that this is very lacking in our modern-day society, as well as our modern-day churches.

Immediately, there were groups of women signing up for a mentor who would come alongside them and encourage them, pray for them, and help them grow in their faith.

Pretty soon, there were more women requesting a mentor than those willing to step forward and BE a mentor.

I prayed about this, too.

After much prayer, I sent out a request within the forum for more mentors. I stated that they need not have a "perfect, sinless" life. They need not be a Superstar in the Christian community. All that is required to be a mentor is that you have walked with God, you have seen God work in your life many, many times, and you have a heart for Jesus and the women on this board who have just recently found faith in Christ or who are struggling with various difficulties in their faith.

More mentors signed up.

Currently, there are about 30 paired mentors and mentees...and more mentees have signed up, requesting a mentor, too.

And recently, several women on the board have reached out to me personally through email and requested my encouragement and prayers for them. One woman even said this: "When I think I need encouragement, I think of you. I think of you constantly and how you decided to fully rely on God..."

Wow! God is using ME! I felt so humbled and blessed...and at that moment, I realized that this forum, this board of struggling Christian women is my ministry.

Thank you, Lord, for leading me to this internet group of Christian women. When missionaries are flying halfway across the world to minister and preach God's word to the peoples of far-off countries, you used me from the comfort of my computer, from the comfort of my home, and with the knowledge and gifts/abilities You have given to me. Thank you, Lord. May You give me wisdom and knowledge and a tender heart for these women, and may You teach me the words to say and the scriptures to use to encourage fellow Christian mothers and wives all across the United States. Amen.

Day 215 - Being a Better Steward of God's Earth and My Body

Yesterday on my lunch break, I drove to the library and picked up a DVD called "Yoga for Families," along with some toddler books for my youngest and a novel for me.

After dinner, my eldest daughter, my toddler and I cleared out the livingroom and popped the DVD in and began.

The first 20 minutes was called a "warm-up," but I knew from the warm-up that this was not going to be easy.

For 30 minutes, we participated in various yoga stretches and positions, all of which I have never done before in my life...except maybe the cat stretch in gym class as a child. We had a good time trying to participate as well as the family on the DVD, despite our jerky movements and lack of balance. But it was our first try, and I figure it can only get easier...right? I was really proud of my toddler. She thoroughly enjoyed participating in all of these neat and new poses alongside of us.

I went to bed feeling very relaxed, my lower back feeling the best its felt in a very long time. I slept hard. But then I woke at about 3 a.m. with the WORST kink in my neck. I could barely move. I tossed and turned until it was time to wake and get ready for work.

While I was dressing for work, I heard toddler moving around in her bed. She was groaning. I went to her bedside. She was lying on her back, her eyes closed, as she said to me, "Mama, I can't move. My neck hurts!"

Well, I'm no dummy. Yoga shouldn't hurt. What did we do wrong? I'll have to ask around.

But I started yoga because we recently put a hold on our health club membership in order to save money so we could pay off some more bills and, hopefully, have a wee bit extra for things like gardening supplies for our vegetable garden.

I want to take care of my body so that it does not become overweight or out of shape. I want my heart to stay strong and healthy, too.

I also want to take better care of God' earth. Although it's been over a year now since I began my "green" living journey, there are things that I can improve in our lifestyles as a family of 5. I am concerned about leaving clean water behind for my grandchildren, pristine nature preserves, and a cleaner and healthier earth for them to enjoy as I did...do.

We started off recycling. I bought some bins and labeled them "Paper/Magazines," "Aluminum/Tin," "Glass," and "Plastics." We kept one recycling bin next to the garbage can in our kitchen so that daily we could just toss all of the recycling items into it, and then at the end of the day sort it out according to type. We did really, really well at it, too. We've not been so good at recycling, though, the past five months as it's been wintertime and it's too cold to walk outdoors and sort recycling. But I will start this up again probably next weekend.

Then I began buying only healthy groceries for our family. No more cereals. Only eggs and toast or oatmeal with maple syrup. No boxed meals, no heat&eat frozen dinners...just pure, fresh, wholesome foods. We never were the type of family to buy pop and drink that as our main liquid for the day, but we did enjoy lots of bags of potato chips and packaged cookies and foods filled with high amounts of sodium and sugar, preservatives and pesticides. I quit buying name-brand breads and instead brought out my old bread machine and made bread from scratch, or made bread by hand. When I do buy bread, it's whole wheat or 7-grain without preservatives.

I made a meal menu for the week, making sure to eat very healthy. And then I created a grocery list based on this meal menu. Not only did this force me to only purchase healthy items, but this saved us money, too. I buy plenty of fruit and veggies, legumes and beans, yogurt and cheese. I make meals from scratch mostly, too. We don't eat out but once in a blue moon.

Then I chucked most of my chemical-filled household cleaners and replaced them with all-natural cleaners or eco-friendly cleaners. In fact, I went so far as to clean with basically vinegar and water, or lemon juice and water, or baking soda and water. (vinegar is a natural disinfectant, you know.) I began making my own laundry detergent out of baking soda, borax, and castille soap, plus a dash of essential oil for a nice scent. Not only was this move better for our environment, but it costs far less than store-bought cleaners.

I quit buying paper towels and napkins. I sewed up some pretty cloth napkins for everyday use so we don't waste our precious trees on paper napkins. We scrub the home using rags and then wash and sanitize those for next time.

I quit using those plastic shopping bags the grocery stores fill our groceries into, and instead bought about 10 re-usable cloth grocery bags. If I would only remember to take them each time I shop!!!

We replaced most of the bulbs in our home with energy-saving bulbs. You know, those curly-Q pigtail looking bulbs.

We began gardening our own vegetables and herbs, or shopping at the local farmers' markets to purchase eggs, poultry, and produce.

We switched from chemical-filled shampoos, conditioners, and lotions to organic. Again, better for the earth, and MUCH better for me and my family.

I had already been using cloth diapers on my toddler, so this was another area in which I was a better steward of the earth. Not only does this help the environment, but it keeps nasty chemicals found in disposable diapers away from my child's sensitive diaper area.

As a final step in taking care of God's earth (*MEN, YOU'LL WANT TO SKIP THIS SECTION), I replaced all of my chemical-filled disposable feminine products with soft velour cloth pads that I wash and use the next month. Some women find this disgusting. They're used to throwing that ick away and never thinking twice about it. But women for thousands of years have been using "rags" for their cycles, and it was once the "normal" thing to do. But in this age of convenience, women have forgotten this fact. One thing that surprised me to read in beginning this endeavor was that the chemicals that are contained in our modern feminine products actually cause problems inside our reproductive organs. Cramping is a major affect of chemicals in these. So when I quit using chemical-filled disposable products, my body quit cramping. Nearly completely.

So I want to thank the Lord for showing me how to be a better steward of this place we currently call "home," our earth. And I want to thank the Lord for showing me how to lead a healthier lifestyle and take better care of my body...His temple.

Day 214 - Love One Another - Even My Mother-in-Law?

When I first married my husband, my mother-in-law (MIL) really, really liked me...for the most part. I wasn't as refined a gal as she would've liked for her Golden Son, but I would suffice. She spent days, if not weeks, preparing a heart-felt letter to my mother telling all about her wonderful, glorious, magnificent son complete with photos and a short biography of his life.

I didn't have the silver spoon upbringing that my husband had, and MIL found my manners lacking in certain areas and was more than happy to show me the err of my ways. If I ended a sentence with a prepositional phrase, she corrected my grammar. I didn't dress as classy or showy as she'd hoped her son's wife might, so she took time to tell me how to dress sometimes.

If I was bloated, she told me that I was bloated and gave me some baking soda and water to drink. My natural hair color is, according to MIL, called "dishwater blonde," and suggested that I use Miss Clairol hair color to perk it up a bit. She told me how to properly bleach my teeth so that they were white but not too white, and how to properly set a table when it was dinner time.

When my children were born, she sent frilly dresses and bows for their hair...and as they grew older, she still sent frilly dresses and bows for their hair, despite the fact that although they were girls in the traditional sense of the word, they loved to play in the dirt and have the wind in their hair. If their pretty patent-leather dress shoes hurt their feet and I wanted to remove them and let them go barefoot, she would say, "That's the price you pay for beauty!"

Once, during a "family" vacation with her side of the family, everyone gathered for a photo: My MIL, my husband, and my children...but not me. She did not want to include me in the photo. I'm not a blood relative, she said.

Another time on one of these family vacations with her side of the family, my own parents wanted to drive down to visit for a day. She wouldn't allow it. After all, it was HER time with us and not my mother's and father's time with us. And when I say "us," I am meaning my husband and my children.

When my middle daughter was born, my MIL and I took a leisurely stroll downtown with the girls. We chatted about the weather or shallow things like this. MIL asked me, "What are your plans for future children?" I replied that I would love to have one more one day. MIL grabbed my wrist, stopped me in my tracks, and said, "You can't do that to my Son."

My MIL even had a sit-down discussion on how to please her son in our marital bed.

And yes, you read that right.

My MIL was always eager to belittle me or make me feel inadequate any chance she got. I was once kicked out of the kitchen by her because she said I was getting in her way and I should just wait my turn. And yes, you read that right, too.

I would often discuss these matters to my husband, teary-eyed and begging for him to step in and resolve this conflict that was building and building every year of our marriage. But his excuses were always, "I didn't hear her say that," or "I wasn't a party to what happened, so I'm not going to say anything to her."

Well, after years of escalating controlling behavior by my MIL...I blew. I talked back to my MIL, challenging her and drawing a line in the sand that she was never to cross again.

From then on, it's been World War III in our relationship. And I can't seem to make it any better.

Shortly after the War began, my MIL came out to visit...but not at our home like she normally did. She was 2 hours West of our home and invited my husband and the girls to come spend time with her. She even bought my husband a guided fly fishing trip as a dangling carrot before him -- which he snarfed up without further thought to me.

My husband, despite my pleas and cries, packed up our children and drove away, leaving me at home alone.

I couldn't believe it. I was devastated. I was crushed. I was deflated beyond deflated.

I spent the weekend looking for apartments to move into. I spent the weekend cranking out numbers to see which apartment I could afford to live in with my children. I spent time figuring out what my child support from husband would be and how we could live off of that.

In the end, I stayed. Not because I wanted to stay, though...I stayed because I couldn't afford to leave.

It wasn't too long after this that we visited my father-in-law and his wife. My FIL knew a bit of the battle raging, and he said to my husband, "Son, who do you sleep with at night? And I know it isn't your mother."

That was all it took for my husband to realize that he had joined the wrong team, abandoned the wrong teammate.

My husband has spoken with his mother about all of this one-on-one...and she has even acknowledged her wrong-doings...but she still won't forgive me for treating her with harsh words and drawing that line in the sand.

It has been nearly 3 years now since we have spoken to each other. We avoid each other during the holidays, and we do not acknowledge each other's birthdays any longer. We used to send one another Christmas gifts...but no more.

I want my children to know their grandmother, so I do not prohibit their phone calls or visits...but I don't encourage them, either. My MIL can give poor advice that I don't want my children to listen to, like "It's just as easy to marry a poor man as it is a rich man when you're beautiful."

My MIL will be coming out to our state again this summer, staying 2 hours away as usual. She has already asked that the girls come and join her, and she requests that my husband come, as well.

But I have drawn a line in the sand with my husband, too: Meet her halfway and drop the children off. You will NOT leave me at home alone again.

He promises this time will be different...but his mother has long apron strings and I'm not certain that my husband has fully cut them.

I have been praying lately about my relationship with my MIL...that God would restore it. We shall see.

___________________________________

"Therefore shall a man leave his mother and father and shall cleave unto his wife, and they shall be one flesh." Genesis 2:24

cleave: to adhere, cling, stick to.

Days 211 - 213 - Spring Has Sprung!

Well, spring has finally sprung in Montana! We had two days in a row with sunshine and temps above 50 degrees. My toddler went outside to play on Saturday morning at about 10:00 a.m. and didn't come back in until after 3:00 p.m. She didn't even want to go inside to eat, so I brought her lunch out to her.

I took her for a wagon ride around the neighborhood. We picked up sticks that had fallen to the ground from the local trees and piled them high into the wagon. We'll use them later as kindling for our outdoor fire pit this summer.

She played on her swingset and slides while I scrubbed some outdoor windows. I hung laundry out on our laundry line for the first time this year and the laundry smelled oh, so good! I piled up stacks of wood that had been laying in a heap in the back yard, frozen to each other and the ground for too many months to move it until this weekend when the sun warmed them up and melted the ice and snow.

I spring cleaned my kitchen, even, and baked some homemade flour tortillas with the girls and my husband. Well, my husband preferred to sit on the couch and play with his Droid, but I coaxed him up and off the couch and handed him a rolling pin. He rolled out about 18 tortillas of various sizes and shapes. They're supposed to be round, but he was a bit disgruntled at first to try very hard at making a perfect round shape and instead made shapes that looked like bicycle seats.

When he protested at first, saying "I don't like to bake." I said, "Well, I know you like to eat these, so you're going to help."

Sometimes I'm a bit pushy with him. But he would steamroll me if I weren't. I'd end up working full-time while he fly fished all day long, if he had his way. I'd also end up scrubbing the whole home by myself and raising three children by myself if I didn't force him to step up to the plate and participate.

This past weekend, I forced him to bathe our toddler while I scrubbed our wooden stairwell. I could hear deep sighs from my husband and quite a few, "No's" from my toddler. In the end, there were plenty of tears and temper tantrum on the bathroom floor, even...I'm sure my husband was glad that he could be of service.

Another point in my weekend, while my husband sat on our bed reading while I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off, I snipped that it would be nice to have his help.

And this morning, as I was heading out the front door for work, I reminded him to brush our toddler's hair, brush her teeth, have her dressed in something other than her pajamas, and to make sure she had eaten breakfast AND lunch by the time I arrived home at noon.

He rolled his eyes at me. But truly, if I didn't say these things, I would show up and our toddler would have not have her hair brushed, would still have her pajamas still on, and she wouldn't have eaten but a few saltine crackers and a milk bottle.

I really don't understand why I play the role of "wife" and "mother" towards my husband. I've had many women tell me to just let him be the man he is. But I also know my personal boundaries. It irks me to play "mother" to this grown and graying husband of mine.

I've had to train him quite a bit over the past 17 years of marriage. Part of the problem is that I married a man who wasn't the ideal kind of guy for me, I suppose. I mean, we really truly were totally unequally yoked in more ways than one. God had it right on when He said that we should not be unequally yoked in marriage. It causes more strife than anyone can imagine.

I try to tell my friends who are the parents of boys to raise their boys not to be Mama boys, to cut those apron strings and let them fly the nest, and to train them in how to do the dishes, how to wash laundry, how to keep a neat house. I realize that teaching sons how to be sensitive might be asking too much, so I won't even mention that part of it. But just basic stuff like I mentioned above would go a long way in their future as single man living alone to husband living with a wife and children.

"Please make the bed. Please pull your hair out of the drain in the tub. Please rinse your spit down the drain, please put your laundry away. Please take your muddy shoes off at the front door. Please let the dog out. Please pick up the dog poop. Please give the animals some water in their bowl. Please feed your child. Please help clean. Please help with the children..."

Need I go on?

Day 210 - Tsunami and Earthquake in Japan

How awful! An earthquake registering 8-point-something and a subsequent tsunami has struck Japan, killing hundreds, if not thousands of residents. The wave of destruction swept over the landscape dragging away buildings, homes, cars, trucks, and people.

My heart aches. I can't believe it.

But what totally amazes me and makes me a bit...incredulous...is how God foresaw all of this moments before it happened.

It's times like this when I wonder why God allows this kind of tragedy.

God, please be with those suffering and hurting people of Japan...

Day 209 - Drama, Drama, Drama!

It was total drama and tears in my household this morning.

My husband remarked to me that he would like to take our middle daughter to a sportsman's banquet on Friday evening. Since she is currently taking hunter's education classes, he figured this would be a fun thing for her to participate in, as well.

I remarked, "Why don't use say that you would like to take her on a date...and make sure you use that word, 'date.' It'll make her feel really special, and she'll probably be really excited about it all day today."

Turns out, middle daughter had sleepover plans with a girlfriend. My husband said, "Well, I can drop you off at her home after the banquet. It's in the same part of town."

Middle daughter hesitated. She didn't respond as enthusiastically as husband had hoped. She said, "Well, that won't give me and my friend much time to play, Dad."

This wasn't at all how my husband hoped it would go. He became agitated. "Well, don't go then. Just go with your friend. It isn't often that I ask you to do things with me. But whatever. Go spend the night with your little friend."

The drama had begun. Tears started welling up and out of my daughter's eyes. "It's just that you don't pay attention to us when we go to these things, Dad. You tend to ignore us when we go and then you go off and be all social with your buddies."

My husband reacted angrily, his voice raising as he turned and walked away from his daughter. "You know, you begged and begged for me to take you to the last banquet in town. Now I want to take you and you are being all emotional and dramatic about it."

She cried even more. I walked over and hugged her and said, "It's okay. You feel how you feel, and this needs to be addressed. Your father is getting upset because he doesn't want to face how you are feeling."

Middle daughter followed her father and said, "Dad, I want to go..but please pay attention to me when we're there."

Now my husband was being dramatic, kinda yelling about stuff and huffing around the house.

Middle daughter cried even harder.

I stepped in. "You know, this could all be resolved with one sentence: 'Honey, I'm sorry you feel that I don't pay attention to you, but I promise to focus on you at the banquet.'"

He still didn't get it. He made some snarky remark at his daughter. Now I was getting angry.

Our middle daughter had been standing there crying...and my husband had walked away from her, had made snide remarks to her, and had comepletely belittled her feelings. My "old" husband had reared his ugly head.

After some cajoling on my part, my husband finally hugged our teary-eyed daughter and apologized a whimpy little apology. But it worked...a little bit, at least.

__________________________

Raising girls is hard. They're mini-wives, really. Any man who is raising daughters should know this: It takes one kind and reassuring sentence to assuage any feelings of anxiety in females. Don't walk away. Don't point the blame on them because you're not wanting to deal with the issue that's upsetting them. Generally, a hug is the anxiety-buster, as well. A hug closes the deal, seals the peace back in our lives.

Don't ask your daughter to come to you for a hug, either. Go to her. And don't hug her half-heartedly...she knows it. The way you treat her now will be the way she will treat you when you're old, crippled, and in diapers.

"An anxious heart weighs a girl down...but a kind word cheers her up."

Proverbs 12:25

"A soft answer turns away wrath...but a harsh word stirs up anger."

Proverbs 15:1

Day 208 - It's Always Something!

Okay, this isn't my truck, but it's representative of what happened to my SUV last night at about 12:30 a.m.

My husband and I were sound asleep when there was a huge crash and horn honk. We were instantly awake and rushing to the bedroom window to look out towards the street. We both expected to see a head-on collision at the intersection near our home.

What we saw was a red minivan backing away from the front end of my SUV, then slowly driving down the dimly-lit street.

We kind of looked at each other with a look of bewilderment...and then it hit us: The driver had struck MY truck!

Sure enough, he had. And he had slowly driven away. Too bad we weren't more alert at that time of night to get our act together and run out to get a license plate for the police who arrived within minutes.

I jumped into my husband's rig and went driving around the neighborhood looking for the slithering snake of a man but couldn't find him anywhere. He was gone. Poof!

After filling out the police reports, my husband and I lay back down to bed, our heads reeling.

I swear to God, if it's not one thing it's another. Just when I think I'm finally coming up for air, I get pulled under by a deep undercurrent. Who knows when I'll come back up from this one. My husband figures it'll cost about $4,000 to fix the truck. It isn't even drivable today.

We do have insurance...but that comes with a high deductible...which we DON'T HAVE! $500! I don't even have an extra $20 bill after payday...which was just today, LOL. Ho, hum...

I lay in bed last night fighting a migraine and beginning to spiral down into depression.

But then a song played in my mind: "I will praise you in the storm." So I lay there humming this tune to myself, and then prayed to the Lord and said, "You know what? I will praise Your name through this, too." And I did.

Day 207 - Honoring God

I woke up at 4 a.m. and had a strong desire to tell the Lord that my only desire is to honor Him with all I do and with all I say and with my whole "being."

My calling as "wife" and "mother" is not to be taken lightly. Even before I conceived my first child, I prayed to God that if He should grant me the blessing of children, I promised to raise my children to know Him and to serve Him and to love Him.

And I have done just that. I have shown my children unconditional love...which is something our Father shows us. I have taught my children that God is real, that God has a plan for each of their lives, that God forgives our sins, that God leads and guides and calls each one of us to be genuine in our faith and genuine in our love for others.

From the time my children were infants cradled in my arms, I have prayed over them and asked God to guide them and lead them. And from the time each child was itty-bitty and swaddled up in their fuzzy blankies, I prayed for their future spouses and their future spouses' families.

I have led by example, too. Of course, I'm not a perfect person, so I have failed in my parenting skills a time or two (wink, wink), but through my failures, I am able to ask forgiveness from my children and pray that God would give me wisdom in my parenting abilities.

I also have tried to honor God as best I can in my marriage. It wasn't always easy. Many times over the course of my marriage, my friends would question why I stayed with such a man. At times, I didn't even know the answer to that. At times, I wanted to run.

But in the end, I showed my husband as best I could how a loving wife should be.

I want to honor God in my role as parent and wife...and I ask God to show me how every year of my life.

"Teach your children to choose the right path, and when they are older they will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6

"You should be known for the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God." 1 Peter 3:4

"Children are a gift from the Lord...a reward from Him." Psalm 127:3

"A wife of noble character, who can find? She is worth far more than rubies." Proverbs 31:10

Days 204 - 206 Our First Christian Concert

On Friday night, we attended our first ever Christian concert in Missoula, MT.

It was a two-hour drive over. We arrived at the stadium at 5:15 p.m. Already there was a long line of folks waiting to get into the doors. Luckily, my husband had thought ahead and purchased special "groupie" T-shirts that got us into seating a half hour before everyone else. Kudos to my hubby for that one!

The stadium was filled to capacity at 7,000 audience members before the scheduled start time. Hundreds and Hundreds of folks were turned away at the gate.

We sat in the fourth row, center to the stage. The music was so wonderful! From Christian rock bands to Christian rap group to Praise and Worship songs...thousands of Christians from young to old were raising their arms to Jesus and praising His Holy name!

For five hours we stood and sang and worshipped. And at 11:15 p.m., we finally made our way out of the stadium and to our cold, parked SUV.

It was a very long two-hour drive back home. We're no spring chickens any longer, and we had a difficult time staying awake on that long and dark drive through canyons and mountains.

The next day was worse. Our poor, old bodies felt like they had been run over by a semi truck. In fact, it took us two full days to recover. We're STILL recovering, LOL.

I want to thank the Lord for our fabulous family time together, our safe journey there and back. Amen.
_______________________________

Psalm 81:1: "Sing aloud unto God our strength."

2 Samuel 6:14: "and David danced before the Lord with all his might."

Day 203 - Debt

I started off married life with my own personal debt: student loans and some small credit card debt. My husband started off our married life with his own mounting debt, as well. It was a lethal combination.

We are still in debt 17 years later, despite a grandmother who left us nearly $100,000 about seven years ago. Yep, you read that right, $100,000.

We actually did use that to pay off a good portion of debt like vehicle loans and a few credit card loans...and then we put a huge chunk of it towards our mortgage. But at the time we received this money, instead of continuing to live in our tiny, fixer-upper home and completely paying off the mortgage, we moved into a larger Victorian fixer-upper home and put a large chunk of money down on this newer and prettier home.

Looking back, that was not a wise decision. Sure, we do love our home. It's really, really pretty. Lots of people who walk by tell us how beautiful it is. And we've sunk quite a bit of money into it already: $10,000 for a paint job five years ago; $7,000 for a cement floor in the large carriage house (it had just been dirt); and plenty of home improvements like new appliances, new bathroom renovation, yard renovations.

It all comes with a price tag.

And then we had our third child...and then we lost nearly $50,000 in a bad business venture...and now I am working full-time whereas I used to only work part-time in order to help pay our bills...AND my toddler has child care expenses that nearly equal our mortgage payment.

Three kids, a 100-year-old home, 10 and 15-year old vehicles in need of repair, child care, phone bills, groceries, utilities, medical bills, athletic club bills, credit card debt, etc...it just keeps growing.

What have we gotten ourselves into?!

I see the problem. I want to fix it. But we're entrenched into this lifestyle, it seems...and I can't figure out a way to make our debt go away.

My husband sees the problem and understands the problem...but he is not ready to make any drastic changes towards resolving this issue.

When I want to cancel our $110/month athletic club membership...he says not to because he enjoys working out. He says it's the only thing he has to look forward to when he gets off of work.

When I want to sell our home and move into something with less of a mortgage payment...he says absolutely not. It's not a good financial move because of the state of the depressed economy. We're staying.

We struggle every single paycheck, every single month, every single year.

I am wise with my money. I cook meals from scratch. We don't eat out. I sew. I buy used or clearance. But I could be better, I suppose.

My husband has just enough every month to pay his monthly bills...with maybe an extra $20, if he's lucky.

But we are seriously one catastrophic event away from losing everything.

If he loses his job...or I lose mine...I shudder to think.

My tires are bald. I need new ones for my 10-year-old SUV. But they're pricey...and I certainly can't afford new ones.

Our vehicles are very old. It's nearly time for a new, used vehicle. But we can't afford a payment.

One section of our roof is leaking...and we can't afford to fix it.

There is a very old ash tree looming dead and heavy branches over our bedroom window...and we can't afford to trim it.

We're attending our first ever Christian concert tonight as a family two hours away from here...and we're driving my SUV with the bald tires because it's the best vehicle we've got. The concert will end around 11 p.m., but we have to drive the 2 hours back home because we can't even afford a simple hotel room.

Yep...it looks pretty bleak when it's all laid out before me.

Lord, I pray that some way, somehow, You might teach us what to do in this situation we've gotten ourselves into. In Jesus' name, Amen.

"The thoughts of the diligent tend only to plenty, but the thoughts of everyone who is hasty only to poverty." Proverbs 21:5

Day 202 - He's Not Finished With Me Yet

Last night in church service, Pastor spoke about Moses being in the desert and how God used this time to prepare Moses for bigger and greater things.

Maybe Moses was totally content sheparding his sheep...or maybe Moses just went through the daily business of being a shepard and longed for something greater...I really don't know.

But during this time, God grew Moses' faith and character.

It was only after Moses spent 40 years in the desert that the Lord said, "It's time...Moses, will you go?"

I often feel like I am waiting for bigger and better things to happen...to be used by God in a greater way than just working Monday through Friday, 8 to 5, and then taking care of my home and family on weekends.

But perhaps this is my time of "waiting," a time when God will grow my character and my faith.

I heard a song on the way home from church last night that confirmed the Pastor's words, and the chorus goes like this:

"He's Not Finished With Me Yet" -- by Brandon Heath

There is hope for me yet

Because God won't forget

All the plans He's made for me

I have to wait and see...

He's not finished with me yet.

Still wondering why I'm here

Still wrestling with my fear

but oh, He's up to something

And the farther out I go

I've seen enough to know

That I'm not here for nothing...

He's up to something!

There is hope for me yet!

Because God won't forget

All the plans He's made for me

I have to wait and see...

He's not finished with me yet.

He's not finished with me yet.

Day 201 - Wife and Mother

This photo was taken on Halloween 2010. We had a fabulous get-together with lots of friends, a bon fire in the front yard, and tons of food and laughter.

This is me and my 3 children and my husband...yes, that truly IS my husband in the pink boa.

I was reminded not only by some dear friends but also by the Lord that my mission right now in my life is "wife" and "mother." I need to direct my attention and focus my energies on these important tasks that the Lord has blessed my life with.

Holding together a marriage is no easy undertaking. Even for a Christian couple, there are stressors and struggles that I will need to pray my way through, be an obedient and respectful wife through, and forgive through.

Raising three energetic and emotional girls is no easy task, either! Raising them to love and honor God our Father will take dedication, living through example, and loving unconditionally.

I have struggled with becoming a foster parent for quite some time now. Although I know our home is a good one and any child would be welcomed and blessed...I am uncertain how I find the time to focus on a forsaken, tramatized child. I think it just isn't my time to become a foster parent...although my intentions were noble ones.

Even finding time to take the classes to be certified is an arduous undertaking which will take time away from my biological children...and I'm not even a foster parent yet! So I can only imagine the energy and time taken away from my own children while I love on such a needy child.

I think I will pass on becoming a foster parent at this time...and I pray that I am not letting down my Lord. That would be an awful mistake for me...to let my Savior down.

I will focus on buying healthier groceries, cooking healthier meals, keeping a more organized home, volunteering at my church on Wednesday evenings, volunteering as a "Big" for my "Little" through Big Brothers Big Sisters, and raising my children and being a godly wife.

And if there's still time in my day...I say this tongue in cheek...I will focus on my relationship with my God and Savior, Jesus Christ.

"An unmarried woman is concerned about the Lord's affairs. Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and in spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world and how she can please her husband." 1 Corinthians 7:34

Day 200 - Thanking God for Everything

"Oh, give thanks to the Lord!" 1 Chronicles 16:8

"At all times and in everything, give thanks in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ to God the Father." Ephesians 5:20

Today I am simply thankful.

I am thankful for our warm home on cold nights. I am thankful for the soft beds we sleep in, the flannel jammies we wear, and the comfy pillows we rest our heads on.

I am thankful for the food that fills our hungry bellies.

I am thankful for our jobs that pay our bills and provide health insurance, retirement savings, and vacation days.

I am thankful for our three beautiful and healthy and intelligent daughters.

I am thankful for my hard-working, newly-saved husband.

I am thankful for my health.

I am thankful for my friends and family.

I am thankful for my new church family and our incredibly knowledgeable and passionate pastor.

I am thankful for the Lord Jesus in my life.

I am thankful for my mother's healing.

I am thankful that I can attend this weekend's Christian concert with my family.

I am thankful for the ways God uses me to touch others in His name.

I am thankful for the trials God has brought me through.

I am thankful for the trials I will go through.

I am thankful for the happy times we spend together as a family.

I am thankful for today's sunshine.

I am thankful for the migratory song bird that we heard this morning...a sign of Spring!

I am most thankful for my Bible, growing closer to the Lord, and the opportunity to spend eternity in Heaven.