Days 287 - 290 Just a Bit More to Go!

Seventy-five days left for my one-year journey to re-discover God and His will for my life.

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Funny how I thought I could get it all down pat within one year's time. But God truly has worked marvelous things in my life and my family's life since this journey began.

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My life has settled into a nice routine with my husband, my job, and my children. My marriage is stronger than ever. It's not perfect by any means, but it's 100% better than it was when I began writing this! PTL! (Praise the Lord!)

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Today I am researching hotels and/or camping areas in the Seattle, Washington, area. I would like to take my eldest daughter out that way to look at a few colleges. Whitworth College, in Spokane, and Seattle Pacific University, in Seattle. Both private colleges with tuition running around $35,000/year. But with grants and scholarships, I am hoping to get that knocked in half. They're both smaller Christian colleges, Whitworth the smaller of the two, with plenty of academic success at both and small student-to-teacher ratios. Plus, both colleges offer mission trips both locally and internationally, church services throughout the busy week, and fun groups for the college kids. I'm leaning towards SPU, however, after watching their on-line video of the campus and college life. I think it would be a better fit for my eldest, as well: Seattle has the type of coffee-shop atmosphere that my daughter loves here at home.

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This past weekend was Memorial Day weekend. I had yesterday off of work. It rained, sleeted, hailed, and snowed all weekend long. Well, except for a few hours on Saturday when I mowed the yard and did some gardening outdoors. Sunday was church and nap. Monday was nap and a cinemark movie with the children. My youngest had never been to a theater before. She had to potty during the middle of the movie, and she yelled out, "Can you press pause, please? I have to pee!" She thought we had a remote control to press "pause" until she returned. Too funny!

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I realized yesterday, after having been at home for 3 days straight performing household chores and referree-ing three rambunctious children that I'm not cut out to stay at home full-time. I was anxious to get back to work today. Part-time would be best, but I am thankful for my position and my pay and my benefits. Thank you, God.

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I am plugging away at my biblical counseling studies. Yesterday I was so frustrated that I wondered why I had even begun these on-line courses. I squeeze study time after hours, after I've worked all day. I squeeze study time in at home...but am constantly interrupted by my children. I created more things to do on my to-do list by signing up for these classes. And I honestly struggled with the fact that I might not even succeed at this? Or else how God can actually use me in this?

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I prayed today on my lunch break. One of the topics of conversation with God was how I just wanted to NOT make anymore mistakes. You know, like signing up for biblical counseling classes if I might fail...or other such things. And then I just said, "God, I"m done talking and asking...I just want to sit in your presence, at your feet, and feel some peace and total comfort." So that's what I did. I knelt beside my four-poster bed, silently soaking up the Lord.

Days 286 & 287 - What Has America Become?

"What has America become?" - by Ken Huber, Tawas City.

Has America become the land of the special interest and home of the double standard?

Let's see: If we lie to the Congress, it's a felony and if the Congress lies to us, it's just politics; if we dislike a black person, we're racist and if a black dislikes whites, it's their 1st Amendment right. The government spends millions to rehabilitate criminals and they do almost nothing for the victims.

In public schools, you can teach that homosexuality is OK, but you better not use the word "God" in the process. You can kill an unborn child, but it's wrong to execute a mass murderer.

We don't burn books in America, we now rewrite them.

We got rid of the communist and socialist threat by renaming them "progressives."

We are unable to close our border wtih Mexico, but have no problem protecting the 38th parallel in Korea.

If you protest against President Obama's policies you're a terrorist, but if you burned an American flag or George Bush in effigy, it was your 1st Amendment right.

You can have pornography on TV or the internet, but you better not put a nativity scene in a public park during Christmas.

We have eliminated all criminals in America...they are now called "sick people."

We can use a human fetus for medical research, but it's wrong to use an animal.

We take money from those who work hard for it and give it to those who don't want to work.

We all support the Constitution, but only when it supports our political ideology.

We still have freedom of speech, but only if we are being politically correct.

Parenting has been replaced with Ritalin medication and video games.

The land of opportunity is now the land of hand-outs. The similarity between Hurrican Katrina and the Gulf oil spill is that neither president did anything to help.

And how do we handle a major crisis today? The government appoints a committee to determind who's at fault, then threatens them, passes a law, raises our taxes, tells us the problem is solved so they can get back to their re-election campaign.

What has happened to the land of the free and home of the brave?

Day 285 - Confirmation

I love when God confirms his directions or instructions to me. Remember a few days ago, I posted about needing to slow down and allow God to guide me, as a jockey holds back a race horse just before the big race? Although the race horse is full of excitement and the sense of urgency to break into a full-tilt run, the jockey must first lead this eager horse to the starting line cautiously and slowly, making sure all is in place and everything is ready before pausing for a moment...and waiting for the starting bell to ding and the gates to fly open.

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This morning at prayer and scripture-reading time with my husband, we read about how we, as Christians, must constantly wait upon the Lord for His timing, His guidance, and not get caught up in pushing our own agendas. The author stated that if are obedient to the Lord and willing to go where He is leading, then all will naturally fall into place because God is in control and not ourselves.

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Isaiah 40:31:
"They that wait upon the Lord shall gain new strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not grow weary, they shall walk and not grow faint."

Day 284 - Learning to Counsel

"Who are You to judge Me?" she retorted.

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She had asked me for advice and help regarding a situation. She was a single mom of a toddler, living with the toddler's father, and struggling in many areas of her life. AND...she said she was a born-again Christian.

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Now, had she been married, I would've advised her differently. But since she was claiming to be a Christian and she was living with her boyfriend in sexual sin, I reiterated to her God's word on fornication. I stated that she needed to get her life back in alignment with God's will, and then the blessings would follow. Living outside of God's will, and our lives are in a constant state of chaos and rebellion. I told her that God's commandments are given not to lord Himself over us, laughing maniacally like an evil scientist might: "mwaaaaa-haaaaa-haaaa!" No, the Lord gives us these boundaries and commands so that we might be safe and blessed.

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The woman told me I was judging her, and who was I to judge her!? I was shocked, actually, at the anger in her voice. She stated, "Couldn't you have said, 'Maybe you aren't quite living the perfect life, but I will pray for you and your boyfriend.'"

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Nothing like modern-day Christians who won't look God squarely in the face! Instead, they'd rather God pat them on the back and say, "Oh, it's okay. Whatever your reasons are for sinning, I understand. Now go and have a blessed day!"

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It just floors me, really. Well, I don't even know how I could've approached this better? I play it over again in my mind and wish I hadn't offended her...but glad at the same time that someone has said it plainly to her: Fornication is a sexual sin, and the consequences are far-reaching.

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What she asked for and what she wanted were two different things. She asked for advice and guidance...which I gave...but what she really wanted was an "Atta, girl! It'll be okay! God loves you!"

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Lord, teach me to be a good biblical counselor...non-judgmental but at the same time speaking your words in truth and love. Amen.

Days 280 - 283 God is working, despite the pain

My husband has been under a lot of pressue at work lately. Issues with disgruntled employees, issues with the hardware at the restaurant not working properly, and issues with having to work both Saturdays and Sundays for six weeks straight because the owner will be out of the country.

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My husband is definitely stressed out.
And it doesn't help that I added to his stress. I discussed with him last week that I wished I didn't have to work full-time. I want to be home more in order to take better care of our children. I want to be home more to take better care of our home. And I want to work less so that I could devote more time to the mentoring program that will be starting up shortly. The problem is, my husband has grown accustomed to me picking up the financial slack in our family's budget, first at part-time, and now with full-time work.

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Don't get me wrong, I am totally blessed to have my position at work. It has been a total God-send! But I just believe that my place is not at a desk in an office from Monday through Friday, 8 - 5, and traveling out of town and away from my family. I firmly believe that a woman should be able to take care of her home and children, if she desires to, and that her husband should not require her to work in order to help meet the financial needs that he's not able to.

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I asked my husband what we could do in order to make this a possibility. He said it can't be done.

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And now he is weighed down by my desire to stay at home more often, as well as his struggles with work. And last night, when he initiated his needs and desires in our bedroom, I shut him down. I was too tired. And Olivia was still awake. I have difficulty performing when our children are home. I prefer a quiet afternoon when the toddler is sleeping and the older girls are away from the house. So my husband turned his back to me all night in bed, and then didn't give me a kiss this morning as I left for work.

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Lord, I prayed to you just last week that you might find it in your will to allow me to stay at home more, to have more time and energy for my chidlren and my husband and our home, as well as have more time to devote to the mentoring ministry/outreach. I prayed that you might lead Nord to a more lucrative position...or better yet, that you would teach us how to downsize and do with less. The problem is, my husband won't have any of that downsizing. So I prayed that the Lord might create a situation and a path for my husband in this regard.

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So even though my husband is struggling with his job situation right now, I know that You are leading and guiding...because I've asked you to. Thank you, Father, for my husband's work struggles. I know that you will teach us from these struggles. Amen.

Days 278 & 279 Just Put One Foot In Front of the Other...

I oftentimes feel like a little, old lady who uses a walker. I have to take deliberate, careful, and itty-bitty steps to avoid crashing to the ground.

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Even when I yearn to toss that walker with yellow tennis balls on the bottom to the side and break free and start sprinting...something holds me back and makes me use deliberate, careful, and itty-bitty steps. Is the Lord reigning me in, like a horse jockey does as he leads his race horse to the starting gates? "Whoa, Kimmy...whoa, girl! Just relax and get to the starting line. And when I say 'go,' then you run as fast as you can!"

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I can almost see the starting line for my big race! All these years and months and days of training, and I'm nearly ready!

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Lord, let me let YOU be in control of me, just as the jockey is in control of the horse he is riding. Although I want to dash to that starting line and break into the fastest and greatest run of my life, I need to be patient yet a bit longer...until you finally tell me, "Ready, set, go!"

1 Corinthians 9:24-25:

"In a race, all runners take part in it...but only one runner wins the prize. Run, then, in such a way as to win the prize. Every athlete in training submits to strict discipline. He does so in order to be crowned with a wreath that will not last...but we do it for a wreath that will last forever."

Days 276 - 277 It's Black & White to Me!

It's black and white to me. Where some people see some gray areas...I don't. To me, it's cut and dry, black and white, yes or no. There is no middle ground.

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My coworkers and I were discussing issues that come up in raising daughters. Teen pregnancy, good grades, boyfriends, college life, marriage. Some situations that might arise, they see a gray area in their parenting and decision-making. To me...black and white.

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For instance, I have told my older girls they aren't allowed to date boys until they're 17. And even then, it has to be casual dating, as in "Hey, let's hook up and catch a movie," or "Let's go see a basketball game together." I will NOT allow my girls to "date" boys in junior high, as some of my parenting friends would. I will NOT allow my girls to be up at night texting, as some of my parenting friends would. I will NOT allow my girls to get grades below a "B," as some of my friends allow.

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A really BIG "no" is teen pregnancy. My girls know exactly where I stand on premarital sex. I've shared with them many times the pitfalls of sex before marriage. I have shared with them my own heartbreak from premarital sex (in age-appropriate ways, mind you). And I've told them in no way, shape, or form will I say sex before marriage is okay. I share with them God's word on this subject. Now, whether they choose to obey God or their own desires is another matter, so I also have stated that if they become pregnant while living in my home...they're out. I will NOT raise them and their baby, too. If they become pregnant while living in my home, I will send them to a home for pregnant teens where they will learn how to be a mom, and they will have the brunt of the mothering on them...unless they choose to put their child up for adoption.

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My coworkers and my friends think this is too harsh. Why? Why should I be burdened with raising a grandchild when it's my daughter who must face her consequences for her actions. Yes, it will be difficult and heartbreaking to send her away...but this is tough love, in my opinion. She performed an adult act in having sex in the first place, and now she must become an adult and face adult issues and struggles.

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My younger sister became pregnant with twins at the age of 16. I saw my own parents struggle to meet the financial, emotional, and physical needs of those precious babies...and they continued to struggle to meet their financial, emotional, and physcial needs until they left the home at the age of 18. I won't do that. I refuse.

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Another area: marriage. I've told my girls straight up that they won't get a dime towards the cost of their wedding if they marry a man that we don't approve of. I refuse to fork out thousands of dollars on a wedding party for a man I dislike or don't think will make a good husband for my daughter. Sound harsh? You betcha. But I won't stand in a church full of guests and give my daughter away to a loser of a guy, and then watch her struggle in her marriage because of it. As well, I won't pay a dime towards my daughter's wedding if she hasn't completed college or training of some sort. Does this sound harsh, too? Maybe. But life is full of unforeseen circumstances and my daughter will be prepared to handle the finances of the family if her husband should be injured and unable to provide, or, God forbid, he should pass away and leave my daughter with three children to raise.

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As for college life, if I am paying anything towards my child's college expenses, she better get good grades...as in all "As" or "Bs." Anything less, and my financial assistance is gone. I have intelligent, bright daughters...and for them to pull a "C" or less is completely unacceptable. This tells me they aren't taking matters seriously enough to study hard. This, too, sounds too harsh for my friends. But then again, they're okay with their kid pulling a "C" in college...so long as their kid enjoys campus life.

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See, it's black and white to me. There are no gray areas here.

Lord, help me to be an upfront, loving mother to my daughters. Help me to place healthy boundaries on their lives and on their behavior. I know that God's word certainly IS black and white...there's NO gray...so why should my parenting expectations be anything less?