Day 347 - Fabulous Year

It's been a fabulous year, all in all. yes, there were some pretty difficult times, but some pretty fabulous times, too.

I really can't believe how the Lord has led us these past 11 and a half months!

I am looking forward to my upcoming weekend. We will be traveling to northern Idaho - near the Canadian border - to purchase that travel trailer I discussed in yesterday's blog. Well, I might go. I still haven't decided.

Today was a great day at work. I accomplished quite a bit.

This afternoon, I had to leave for about a half hour to run some items to my daughter, who was stuck at an outdoor practice with no water, no sunscreen, and no sunglasses. At first, I clucked at going. I'd have to use some vacation time to run to her. But then my mothering instinct kicked in and I drove home for the necessary items and dropped them off for teenage daughter.

She was so thankful, she actually stopped by my office with two yummy, sweet donuts as a special "thank you."

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I am wondering if I'd like to continue with a different blog at the conclusion of this year. Maybe something where I ask God to use me and my husband...and see where He leads? Maybe God will lead us to Wyoming, or maybe to Tanzania...but more probable than not, He will keep us here in Montana where we can raise our children and serve in the little everyday things we do for others.

Micah 6:6-8:

"But God has told us what is good. This is what the Lord wants from us: "You must be fair to other people," God says. "You must want to be kind. You must be careful to do what I've told you."

I think maybe I'll keep a prayer journal, as well.

Day 346 - A new Retro camper!

She's a 1968 Shasta Starflyte...and she's our new family recreational vehicle! She needs a bit of a scrub and maybe some fresh paint, and the interior could use some bleach and fresh paint and curtains, but I am rather thrilled with out soon-to-be camper that sleeps 5.

I was getting rather tired of using our compact camper that only sleeps 2 adults (3 children, LOL), and taking along the tent for my husband and me to sleep in. I was actually okay sleeping in the tent...until my husband woke one night startled at the sound he was hearing just outside our tent flaps. I thought we were going to get mauled by a grizzly bear right then and there! I nearly wet myself. And the rest of the night, I didn't sleep a wink.

So with this newer, larger retro camper, we can ALL sleep inside the camper. No need to fear the grizzlies in this!

We'll be traveling to Bonners' Ferry, Idaho, up near the Canadian border, on Sunday. We'll pick up our new family member and drive the 6 hours back to Helena. It should be a beautiful trip! Mountains and lakes...territory I've never seen in Idaho before.

I'm looking forward to having this new camper so we can now go to Yellowstone and Glacier to camp. Couldn't before. Can't camp in a tent in grizzly country. Well, you CAN...but you shouldn't.

Thank you, Lord, for leading us to this gem of a recreational vehicle! I am thrilled! My girls are thrilled! My husband is thrilled! I look forward to spending more family time camping in God's Country.

Day 345 - Nearly A Night Off

Last night, after working all day, I arrived home to chili cooking on the gas stove. My husband had the day off, and he had decided to make some dinner.

As well, he decided to take two of my three children to a local baseball game to give me the night off. Thankfully, my toddler boarded the SUV and went to the game, so I was really looking forward to putting my feet up and watching a chick flick by myself...in peace and quiet.

My middle child was lying on the downstairs couch with a tummy ache and headache. She was asleep, so I ran up the stairs to my room with my netbook, logged onto Netflix and chose the perfect drama movie. I had just finished loading it when my daughter ran up the stairs shouting, "I'm going to throw up!"

I sighed, pressed "pause," and followed her into the bathroom to rub her back and be a good mommy. She's old enough to know when that feeling strikes, and sure enough, she was ill. "Mommy, pull my hair back!" It's a yucky job, but a good Mama will press through the ordeal with a steel stomach and a gentle hand.

Then it was over, and I had to help wash her up and prepare a makeshift bed on the bathroom floor. There were tears, so I sat beside her and rubbed her and cooed softly to her.

And then I bolted back to my bedroom, threw my feet up onto my bed and hit "play" on the computer screen.

I spent a marvelous hour and a half watching a romantic drama. Ahhhhhhhhh! And I even had 25 minutes left over, so I checked on my daughter who was sleeping on the cool bathroom floor, then jumped back into bed and fell asleep.

It was dark by the time my husband and two other children came banging through the front door, wildly excited and chatty about the baseball game.

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Lord, thank you for my stolen time by myself last night. I don't get that luxury very often, and when I do, I am SO thankful for it! Amen.

Days 342 - 344 Twenty Days To Go!

I only have about 20 days to go with my one-year journal. I can't believe a year has gone by this quickly!

I wonder where God will lead in the next year? I am considering doing another year journal, focusing on finding my mission in life and my husband's mission in life. Maybe we'll end up in Puerto Rico...or Jamaica? Who know! Or maybe we'll end up right where we are and doing the same thing we're doing right now?

Anyhow, this morning as I prayed, I asked God to lead my husband and me. I told God I wasn't sure if working full-time and being a business woman was the ideal He had for me, especially since I'm raising three children and time is so precious with them. I told God how I wished I could be available to the church more, but that as it stands now, I am so busy with work and family that I really don't have the time.

So we'll see where God leads in the next year. He has worked mightily this past year...I can't imagine the next would be anything less.

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This past weekend was, as usual, a whirlwind of work around the home and extra duties, such as repainting and repairing our 1960s camper. It only sleeps 2 comfortably, so my husband and I would like to sell it and get something that sleeps 4 or 6. We have quite a few years left with our middle and youngest children, so it really is something needed for our budgeted vacations.

We had a crazy man, strung out on drugs and alcohol, invade our yard this past Saturday. He had a shaved head with sweat pouring out of every pore, his eyes were huge and crazy looking, and he was wildly waving his arms and running zig-zag through the neighborhood. He spotted me kneeling in our grass in the front yard and came at me. Thankfully, the children were in the back yard. I thought this man had been shot, or stabbed. I screamed for my husband, who came running to the front yard to find out what the commotion was all about. Crazy man tried to run into our home! I called 9-1-1, and crazy man took off down the street, screaming and wildly waving his arms and yelling for help. He nearly accosted the neighbor man who was peacefully push-mowing his front yard.

My other guy neighbors heard the commotion and came running out in their bare feet. They chased crazy man nearly 4 blocks. I followed crazy man, too, hoping he wouldn't hurt a child wherever he was heading. One of my neighbors who chased him on foot eventually tackled crazy dude to the ground. We waited for police.

Police came and recognized this strung-out male and even had a nickname for him. They placed him on his stomach and cuffed him, then called for an ambulance.

I have never seen Satan face to face, but the terror and fear and hate in this crazy man's eyes was definitely Satanic. It was so scary, in fact, that I had nightmares about it the next night.

I can't believe what our neighborhood and city is becoming. I am actually frightened at times to be in my own yard. I am frightened for my older girls who stay at home alone during the summer time.

Well, thank the Lord that crazy man did not harm me. He could've easily overtaken me and hurt me seriously, as strung out as he was.

Thank the Lord that crazy man didn't hurt anyone else in his rampage through our neighborhood. Amen.

Day 341 - Fearing the Worst In Life

Lately, quite a few people have asked me to pray for small children they know who are dying of cancer.

I read the children's stories and grieve for the mothers I have never met.

After being on my knees and praying for these beautiful children I have never met here on Earth but will one day meet in Heaven, I have a knot in my stomach and a feeling of immense anxiety.

"What if one of my girls was diagnosed with cancer? How would I respond? How would I cope? How would my child react to treatments?"

It's an unnatural fear that I need to overcome. I think it's simply because I have been praying for so many little ones who are enduring painful, end-of-life cancer diagnoses that I have this overwhelming fear for my own children.

Father God, I pray for these precious little ones who are undergoing painful cancer treatments, who may even face death. I pray for their mommies and daddies, that You might bring them some sort of comfort and peace. And I pray that You might take away my own fear of cancer in my own family as I continue to lift these children up before You.

Lord, I'm at a loss as to how to pray when cancer is inoperable and not able to be cured. But may my disjointed but heartfelt prayers reach Your ears, and may You respond. Amen.
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EDIT:

I went home for lunch just a bit ago, knelt down on the wood floor in my bedroom and cried and cried unto the Lord. Sometimes, I get overwhelmed with grief for Abbie, a little girl who is dying of terminal neuroblastoma. Brandie is her Mama, and Abbie her only child. If it grieves me this much and shatters my heart into a million pieces, I can't imagine how this grieves God!

Ugh. And I've never met Abbie, either, and I fall to pieces when I pray for her.

On my way back to work, I was listening to David Crowder Band's "Oh, How He Loves Us," and the words spoke of how great God's love is for his people. It's a heartfelt song, truly, that makes a person pause in their day and look to the sky and stand in amazement to God. One of the verses say, "He is jealous for me. Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree, bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy. When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory, And I realize just how beautiful You are, and how great Your affections are for me! And oh....how He loves us! Oh....how He loves us, How He loves us ALL."

And I immediately felt led by the Lord to email Abbie's Mama, Brandie, and tell her how much God loves her.

So I did. I found Brandie's email on her journal's website and emailed her God's words to her. "Oh, how He loves us," along with the lyrics to the song. I told Brandie that I pray nearly every day for her and Abbie. And then I hit the "send" button on the email, bowed my head and cried some more.

Day 340 - My witnessing style

My husband and I took our toddler to evening service last night. My mind was rather preoccupied on some issues that have cropped up with my father, not to mention I was tired from such a long day, but I did manage to pay attention to the pastor's words on witnessing styles.

He told the story of two men, a deacon and a pastor, who were going door to door witnessing to others. They visited a man who politely declined to believe in Christ. The pastor was friendly and amiable about it, trying to establish a relationship with the man in hopes of coming back again one day. You know, not wanting to offend anyone, he kept it real friendly and light. The deacon, however, had a different style. As the two witnessing men turned to leave the home, the deacon says, "It's your choice to accept Christ or not. But you'll burn like a breakfast sausage in hell if you don't come to know Christ."

Well, the following night the church is holding it's annual tent revival. Following the sermon and altar call, down the aisle walks the man from the night before! After saying the confession of faith and accepting Christ into his heart, the stunned pastor asks, "What made you decide to come to the revival?"

The man replied, "Well, this morning, as I was cooking my breakfast, sausage and eggs, I was haunted by the deacon's words...and I did not want to burn in hell like my breakfast sausage!"

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The pastor says that we all have our own preaching/witnessing styles. Some are relationship-driven, where the person forms a relationship first -- talking about fishing or hunting -- and then comes through the back door with words of Life through Christ. This is my pastor. And this is exactly how my pastor helped my husband in His salvation walk.

Others, however, are very blunt about the need for Christ in our lives. No mincing words here, they blurt out some phrases that would stun a seasoned pastor.

Neither one is wrong. Christ uses both. The relational witnesser does not want to offend. And the blunt witnesser does not want to mince words. There is a fine line with both.

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I tend to be more of a blunt witnesser. I'll say it straight up. Your life is a mess...until you have Jesus. The devil is your bedmate...until you have Jesus. Quit blabbering about the consequences of sin in your life...you made those choices. Get yourself right with God! I'm not a total sidewalk prophet, but I'm also not going to spend months and months getting around to telling you about Christ.

On a side note, my husband and I signed the refinance papers this morning for our home. This is the first time in nearly 18 years of marriage that I have had my name on the mortgage. I am excited because it's such a grown-up thing to do...but nervous because now I"m accountable for such a large debt.

Which probably means I'll never find a way to stay at home...ever again. I am relegated to the work force until my retirement age now. sigh...

Days 338 & 339 Learning to say, "I'm sorry, but I can't."

I'm not very good at saying, "I'm sorry, but I can't."

My neighbor came to our backyard about a week and a half ago with a 2-week old kitten that he'd found at the landfill. Of course, all 3 of my girls fell in love with this sweet and cute little helpless kitten. And just after my children had finished petting it for a few minutes, neighbor guy asks, "Hey, would you mind helping me out with her? I work really long hours and my wife is out of town, and I would sure appreciate it if you would feed her on your lunch breaks from work, since I don't get one."

What was I to say? "No, I can't?" And then this poor, helpless creature would probably starve to death because it would go too many hours between feedings? So I said, "Sure, I'll help you out."

Neighbor guy dropped kitten off every morning at 7 a.m. as he left for work. I would feed the kitty formula from a bottle, play with kitten, and then plop kitten in a box where she stayed until I arrived home for lunch about four hours later.

When I arrived home, kitty was already meowing for her bottle. Hurry and let my dog out to pee, then rush back inside to bottle feed a baby kitten...which is no easy task. You'd think you just plop the nipple into her mouth and she'd drink away, right? Nope. Kitten hadn't got her sucking reflexes down correctly, so mostly the milk spilled down her chin and onto her belly. She'd become frantic and claw at my hands when she would swallow and air bubble and couldn't drink. I have tiny little red scratches all over my hands from this.

After about 20 minutes of intermittent bottle feeding, burping, and feeding again, kitty would drink about 1.5 ounces. Then it was litter box time. Then it was play time. Then it was my time to eat while kitten toddled underfoot. Then it was feeding time once again, and then I'd plop her back into her box until I returned from work at 5:15 p.m. to do this whole process all over again.

Neighbor guy was supposed to pick kitty up by 6:00, but frequently he wouldn't show until 9:00 or later at night. It was frustrating trying to take care of my toddler, my older girls, my home, get food on the table, pick up the house, and take care of this helpless creature.

And after a week of doing this, neighbor guy stated he and his wife were going out of town as soon as his wife arrived home from her business trip, and could I keep kitty for 3 days and 3 nights? Well, what was I to say? "No, I'm sorry, but I can't?"

So I said, "Sure, I'll help. But you'll positively return after 3 nights, right?" "Yep, we'll return after 3 nights."

So we took on this kitty for 3 days and 3 nights.

At first, I was excited to take care of such a helpless creature. The first night she woke several times wanting her bottle. I obliged. I was a bit tired the next day, but I felt great about helping out my neighbor. The second night, when kitty woke in the dead of night with her tiny meows, I obligingly fed her and returned her to her box. But I was really tired at work that next day. The third evening approached, and I was beat. Her meows for milk in the night kind of made me angry. Why had I agreed to help? As soon as kitten was fed and returned to her box...my toddler awoke and needed me. So that was Night No. 3 was not enough sleep.

That day, despite being exhausted, I was excited that neighbor guy and his wife would return to claim their pet. But as the sun dipped down behind the mountain near our home and the moon began to shine...I realized my neighbors were not returning.

I was so tired this 4th night, that I fed kitty at 10 p.m., placed her in her box, and carried that darned box downstairs where I couldn't hear her cry for milk in the middle of the night.

I slept hard, too. I woke with the sunrise, made my way downstairs, and took care of the kitten once again. Thankfully, as I was leaving for work today, neighbor's wife popped over and took her pet away. They had arrived home at about midnight.

I nearly did a cartwheel as the woman walked the kitty and the box down the sidewalk to their home.

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Why can't I learn to say, "I'm really sorry, but I just can't help you."

It is a good thing that I helped my neighbors out, definitely. But at what cost? Maybe that's what helping someone else out is all about...it costs you to help someone else out. It cost me time with my children. It cost me sleepless nights. It cost me hectic lunch hours. It cost me peaceful and relaxing evenings.

I dunno...would Jesus have done it?

Days 335 - 337 Learning to Balance My Life

I'm 40. I have a 16 year old teenage daughter, a preteen daughter (11 years old), and a just-turned-3-year-old. I work full-time. I have a husband who works late and often works all weekend. To say that I am pulled in many directions would be an understatement.

I cook, I clean, I grocery shop...I snuggle with my toddler every night and read, I take my older girls out shopping, I write all of the extended family's thank you cards. I buy every birthday gift, every Christmas gift, for my own immedaite family, as well as extended family.

I scrub tubs and change sheets on beds and make sure my daughters get their library books returned on time at the public library. I assist with science projects, mend boo-boos, and train my girls with a Christian upbringing.

I plan our vacations, pack suitcases, and make sure all of the food is loaded in the camper for our camping trips. I apply sunscreen to my toddler's wriggling body, take my preteen swimming, and stay on top of my teenager's comings and goings.

I study for my Biblical Studies courses in the evenings after work nearly weekly. (I'm falling a bit behind in this now.)

I take care of the neighbor's newborn kitten while he goes away for a few days, get up in the middle of the night to feed it from a tiny bottle, and make sure her litter box is clean and dry for the next day. I visit with neighbors and exchange phone calls with friends and maintain the peace between my extended family members.

By the time my 40-year-old body hits the bed mattress at 9:30 p.m. most nights, I literally collapse. I know I've written it before, but my poor husband gets the scraps of whatever energy and/or time I have remaining.

I recently realized that instead of taking on more in my life...perhaps I should take on less.

I am a Big Sister through Big Brothers Big Sisters...and I have neglected my Little for far too long. I think I will gracefully bow out of this duty after 15 months of performing "sisterly" activities to a child not my own.

I am expected to work full days, maintain my home, and maintain my garden and yard on a daily basis, as well as plop all family members into our SUV and drive to evening church service on Wednesdays and early Sunday church services.

I am simply exhausted.

So I will take a break from quite a bit of my "extras" in my life, to rest and relax and get myself back in alignment, if you will.

I pray every morning, several times throughout my day at the office, and read my Bible nearly daily.

I know that God has the perfect balance in store for me, and I'm praying for His direction.
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As well, I am pondering my pastor's request that I get re-baptized into the Baptist church...since my baptism into the Assemblies Church apparently didn't "take." At least this is how my pastor feels. Despite my full-body baptism at the age of 24, the pastor doesn't like that my baptism took place at the Assemblies Church. I, on the other hand, struggle with this request. Doesn't the bible state that there is one body and one Spirit, even as you are called in one hope of your calling; One Lord, one faith, one baptism, One God and Father of all...who is above all and through all and in all. That's in Ephesians 4:4-5.

Anyhow, I am still praying about the women's mentoring program at the church, too. I need to review my original journal posts on why I wanted to start mentoring women in the first place...so that I can take the correct path and do the Lord's will in this.

Days 332 - 334 The Appraisal

This is our home. It's a 1906 Victorian located in a historic neighborhood of our town. We bought it six years ago.

I think I journaled that my husband and I are trying to refinance our home. It'll save us quite a bit of money per month to do so. But everything hinged on the appraisal report...which, praise the Lord, came back way higher than we'd ever expected it to!

Now we have to sign the final papers with the title/escrow company, and we should be on our way towards greater financial freedom.

I just want to stop a moment and thank the Lord for all of the positive and encouraging changes He has brought forth in my family this past year. I stand in amazement, actually, at all of the ways God has intervened and moved and restored.

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Exodus 15:26:

"If you diligently heed the voice of the Lord your God and do what is right in His sight, give ear to His commandments and keep all of His statutes, I will put none of these diseases on you which I have brought on the Egyptians. For I am the Lord who heals you."

Wow.

Days 328 - 331 Camping, Kayaking, and Baseball Games

This is a photo of our camp site up at Park Lake, elevation 6,500 feet. It's about a 45-minute drive up a winding, narrow dirt road full of potholes and washout areas from the spring rains.

Once at the top of the mountain, the land levels off and a crystal blue lake is seen, as well as about 20 campsites in the middle of the national forest.

This is where my family spent the weekend. We brough along our kayaks, our retro camper, and our tent. We went fishing, kayaking, swimming, and we cooked our meals over a fire. We roasted marshmallows, as well as the cutbows (fish) my middle daughter caught while fishing out of her kayak on the cold lake waters.

There aren't any showers up here, so by the time we went back home after the long weekend, we were all stinky as bears!

Then we kayaked some more on a local spring-fed lake, and even attended a local baseball game.

It was a fabulous time with one another, and I'm thankful the Lord kept us safe and happy!

Days 326 & 327 Camping

It's been a really, really wet spring here in Montana. In fact, it's been so wet that the rivers and streams have been swollen or flooded.

But now, in July, the waters have receded, and we will make our maiden voyage to a nearby campsite at Park Lake.

We will take our family-sized Coleman tent, as well as our 1960s pull-along trailer. The photo to the left is a similar photo of our own camper. Aluminum siding, small box of a camper. But it contains a propane stove and oven, a sink, as well as a refrigerator/freezer area. As well, it has a table and seating area that convert into a queen-sized bed. There's a loft area that will store our camping gear...or hold one child for sleeping quarters.

The mosquitos are awful this year due to all of the rain, so we'll also take a gallon of all-natural mosquito repellent. My middle daughter is allergic to Deet, the chemical found in most sprays, so we pay the extra price and get all-natural. It works alright, so long as you keep reapplying.

My husband is anxious to set out for a weekend away from all of the chores and busyness of life in town. He is looking forward to kayaking in the large, natural, freezing cold lake at the top of the mountain and next to the campsites. He is looking forward to relaxing in the lounge chairs and sitting next to a fire. He is looking forward to sleeping in the fresh Montana mountains and waking to the sound of birds and not cars.

I, however, am only seeing the extensive packing and shopping that needs to be done before we go, as well as the endless washing and drying and cleaning of our camping supplies/equipment when we return home. Ah.....to be a guy! So clueless as to all of the intricacies of such a family-fun event! As usual, I will set about my tasks tonight of making a list of necessary items, and then begin packing. I will set out to the local grocery store and fill a cart full of items that will please the family, like marshmallows for campfire and all-natural hot dogs for dinner. (If hot dogs can actually BE all-natural?)

I will gather all of the bedding, the towels and washcloths, the clothing for the children, the medical supplies - just in case, the food, the games/books for the children, and the pets and their food, pack everyone up into our SUV and head off for the hills.

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Lord, I pray that You might give us a peaceful, enjoyable time in the beautiful mountains of Montana. May everyone stay safe, and may we all enjoy one another's company. May we bond and make lasting memories. Amen.

Ecclesiastes 3:11: "He hath made all things beautiful."

"For the beauty of the earth, for the glory of the skies,

For the love which from our birth over and around us lies;

Lord of all to Thee we raise, this our hymn of grateful praise."

Days 319 - 325 Happy Fourth of July!

It's been nearly a week since I've blogged. I've been really busy at work and at home.

My husband and I are trying to refinance our home loan from a 30-year 7.5% to a 20-year 4.5%, and tomorrow is the appraisal. We have been scraping and painting the exterior of the home, landscaping, mulching, and fixing minor repairs. I have been praying that the Lord's will be done in this situation. I would rather the refinance go through, obviously, but whatever happens is fine with me. I've prayed and given it to the Lord.

My visit with my mother-in-law went better than expected, so I am still praising the Lord for that miracle.

And I quit taking my depression medication. It was just the smallest dose to begin with, not even sure how it was helping in the first place on such a low dose. But I slowly weaned myself off over the last month. I can get crankier than when I'm on the medication, but I can also feel joy and happiness again. I think the meds not only took away my lows, but they took away my highs, too.

Anyway, had a bit of a difficulty with my toddler's nanny. Nanny hurt her back a few weeks ago and was taking pain killers. The pain killers were adversely affecting nanny's behavior and speech, and I had to telephone her and speak with her about this. It wasn't easy. I prayed. My closest friends prayed, too. It went better than expected. Nanny realized the negative affect these pills were having, so she quit taking them.

Whether or not she is able to stay off of them is an entirely different matter. I am praying, and trusting that the Lord will help me notice when Nanny decides to go back on them. It just isn't safe to have my toddler looked after by someone whose speech is slurred or whose demeanor is altered due to prescription pain medication.

I have not been able to spend as much time with my Little lately. I will try to dedicate more time to reaching out to Elisabeth and welcoming her into our family activities. It's often difficult to juggle time with my own children, let alone a child outside of our family unit.
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Lord, I want to thank you for the time I spent with you this morning, one-on-one, with my scriptures and my inspirational music. Nothing beats time alone with You. Nothing.