Days 137 & 138 - The Lord Has Been Good To Me

Psalm 116 says it all!

I love the Lord, for He heard my voice;

He heard my cry for mercy.

Because He turned His ear to me,

I will call on Him as long as I live.

The cords of death entangled me,

the anguish of the grave came upon me;

I was overcome by trouble and sorrow.

Then I called on the name of the Lord:

"O Lord, save me!"

The Lord is gracious and righteous;

our God is full of compassion.

The Lord protects the simplehearted;

when I was in great need, He saved me.

Be at rest once more, O my soul,

for the Lord has been good to you.

For you, O Lord, have delivered my

soul from death,

my eyes from tears,

my feet from stumbling,

that I may walk before the Lord

in the land of the living.

I believed; therefore I said,

"I am greatly afflicted."

And in my dismay I said,

"All men are liars."

How can I repay the Lord

for all His goodness to me?

I will lift up the cup of salvation

and call on the name of the Lord.

I will fulfill my vows to the Lord

in the presence of all His people.

Day 136 - The "C" word has struck

Well, Satan didn't get me or my husband or my daughter...he snagged my mother.

Mom was diagnosed with breast cancer just this morning.

I can't keep from crying as I type this journal entry out.

My mother who has endured a childhood with 9 other siblings in an old farmhouse, who washed her hair with laundry soap because they were too poor to afford shampoo...who didn't own a dress until she was well into her teen years...who was lost in the shuffle of 9 other wild siblings...who married a man, my father, who became a violent alcoholic, who subsequently left my father and had to raise 4 children on her own on a mere secretary's salary...who spent exhausted evenings putting herself through college...who has prayed and devoted her life to Jesus since she was a young mother and yet endured much hardship.

My mother now faces the battle of her life: cancer.

I won't ask "Why, Lord!?" I will only weep...and pray that God would touch her body and heal the cancer, through His own healing hand or through the hands of the physicians who will care for my mother.

I will stand in the gap for my mother when she is emotionally unable to, when her body is too sick to do so. I will lift her up to Jesus...

Day 135 - Satan, Demons & the Powers of Darkness

It was more than a dream, really...

I had been lying in bed in the quiet of the morning, thanking God for all of His blessings on my life, on my home. I thanked Him for the recent salvation of my husband and all of the joy and blessings that have come from this.

And then I was taken in my mind to the front yard of my home, outside in the snow, and there was Satan, the Devourer, with a terribly scary face, demonic look, circling about my precious home.

He had a body, but I couldn't see his feet. Because he was circling so very quickly, dashing from window to window trying to pry his way in, he had what I would say were short airplane trails behind him. Oh, but he moved so quickly! Darting here and there, going to my daughters' bedroom windows, even, while they slept and trying to get into their rooms.

Thankfully, he never did get in. God was protecting our home from the Evil One.

I was back in my bed, frozen with fear, my heart pounding!

I thanked God for showing me this picture.

How real Satan is! How angry Satan is at the happy times in my home. How Satan is trying desperately to gain entry and destroy me, my newly-saved husband, my precious children.

This morning as my husband and I knelt in prayer before the Lord, I prayed for God's continued protection. I was scared. I was shaking. And then after our prayer time, I explained to my husband what I'd seen.

My husband responded, "Boy, that's powerful. Satan is angry, isn't he?"

I said that Satan couldn't get into our home because Jesus lives here now, but that Satan is just waiting to pounce.

And then we both agreed to pray for God's protection for our family, especially our children, as they left our home for their daily lives.

Sometimes, as Christians, we are lost in our own la-la land, not even aware that lurking just outside our heart or just outside our homes...is the Evil One.

Revelation 12:12:
"Therefore rejoice, you heavens and you who dwell in them. But woe to the earth and the sea, because the devil has gone down to you! He is filled with fury, because he knows his time on earth is short."

Ephesians 6:12:
"For our battle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of the dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realm."

In the Bible, Satan is called: The wicked one, Murderer, Liar, the tempter, the enemy, the destroyer, and the thief. His motives are destructive and his motives are to hinder the work and the Word of God, and also to afflict man.

Praise God that He has the victory already won! Jesus Christ has given us Victory and authority over all the power of the Evil One!

Ephesians 6:11:
"Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil...wherefore take unto yout he whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all...to stand."

Days 133 & 134-Faith Like Potatoes

Christmas 2010 was a complete success! What a happy day! We woke early, as usual, thanks to our toddler. The children ran downstairs in their pajamas to see the beautiful Christmas tree and all the lovely gifts from family members displayed beneath the colorful tree.

There were books and coloring books for the toddler, heirloom ceramic horses and a pink guitar for our 11 year old, and new clothing and electronic accessories for our 15 year old.

But the MOST special gifts were from my husband to me and the children: Bibles for each of us -- well, minus the toddler. She is using a toddler Bible that was passed down from my eldest to my middle, and then from my middle to my youngest. My husband chose a colorful preteen Bible for our middle daughter (full of modern pictures and helpful advice), a pretty little teen Bible for girls for our eldest (with photos and sections geared for teen girls), and a leather-bound women's study Bible for me! Each Bible had been embossed with our names on the covers. What touching and lovely gifts!

We spent the day in our jammies, lazily reading books and eating a lovely Christmas breakfast of scrambled eggs with breakfast sausage patties, toast and orange juice or hot coffee. The children played board games and watched new family DVDs purchased from the Christian book store. I napped -- TWICE! And in the evening, we all gathered together in our living room and watched the movie, "Faith Like Potatoes," a true story of a South African farmer who finds Jesus.

In the beginning of the movie, the farmer is unsaved, struggling through daily life, struggling with his family, hot-tempered and lost in direction. In the movie, he finally finds Jesus -- who changes his whole world! The farmer has such a zeal for Christ that he ends up leading others to Jesus, as well as performs a miracle through Christ's name. It's an inspirational movie, to say the least. And when it was over, I said to the girls, "Girls, let's pray for Daddy. Let's all gather around him, lay our hands on him, and bestow a blessing upon him."

At first, the girls didn't quite understand what I meant. But I led the way.

As my husband sat in the middle of the couch and my girls gathered on either side of him, holding him, and I knelt in front of him and held his shoulders, I prayed and thanked the Lord for calling my husband, and that my husband softened his heart and accepted and believed. I then prayed and thanked God for the positive changes in our home life since this change, the positive changes in my husband since this change. And then I prayed a blessing: "Lord, I pray that my husband would hear Your voice loud and clear, that there would be no mistaking Your voice and Your direction and Your calling on His life."

And then my middle daughter began...with tears and a shaking voice. She prayed a tender little prayer of thankfulness to God for calling her father, that her father could now go to heaven, and that her father was now a kind and gentle man instead of the angry man he used to be. And her blessing for her father was that he would have a faith that can't be shaken, that he would always believe until the day he dies.

There were lots of tear by all of us. My husband squeezed everyone's hands and shed many tears.

Then it was my eldest daughter's turn. At first, she was so choked up she could barely speak. She finally began with, "Thank you, Jesus, for my new Dad. I didn't like my old dad. I didn't ever feel his love for me. I didn't see how he loved my sisters or my mom. He was angry all the time. I used to watch my girlfriend's fathers and wish they were my dad instead of the one I had." At this point, we were all bawling and heaving. Then she said with such wisdom, "Thank you, God, that my youngest sister won't have to grow up with Old Dad as we did, but that she will be blessed to have New Dad all of her life!"

Our eldest daughter gave her blessing on her New Dad's life: "God, I pray that Dad would teach others how to find you, and how to be good to their families."

We hugged and held each other in a giant group hug, including the toddler. Although our toddler didn't understand the significance of such a moment, she was there with us, lying next to her father with her milk bottle.

What a special moment in time for our family!

Lord, I pray that we would grow closer to You, that together as a family unit, You would lead us and guide us down the path that You have chosen for us. Grow deep inside us a faith that is BIG and miraculous. Amen.

Days 130 - 132 Christmas Eve

Today is Christmas Eve. I woke up this morning with the plan to spend a quiet morning in my warm jammies, drinking hot coffee, listening to some Christian music, and talking on the phone with friends to wish them a Merry Christmas.

However, my toddler thwarted those lovely plans.

I had one 10-minute conversation with a friend. In that amount of time, my rambunctious todder had spilled apple juice all over the kitchen table and floor, had colored with pink marker all over her face and hands, and had been caught red-handed with the jar of Vaseline, spreading that oily mess all over herself and the home.

She looked up startled and asked, "Am I in twubble?" You betcha!

Ah, well. So peace and tranquility won't find me today, despite the fact that it's Christmas Eve.

As I'm writing this, I"m keenly aware of the mounding pile of dirty laundry in front of the washing machine, the sink full of dirty dishes, and the smell of dirty dog in the house.

It's endless, the daily chores and house cleaning and child rearing.

I wonder if Jesus ever got tired and exasperated?

Well, this post will be short. I have a lot to do.

Thank you, Jesus, for Christmas Day. Thank you that you were born. Amen.

Day 129 - Eclipsed by Sin

Last night was a lunar eclipse. We haven't had a total lunar eclipse, I'm told, since the Pilgrims were in America.

My husband was so excited that he woke everyone up at midnight to go outdoors in the cold and snow to watch with him.

The girls were so excited about it! As the earth passed between the sun and the moon, a dark shadow was cast upon the moon and the sun's light could not reach it.

I am reminded that the sins in our lives do the same. Our sin comes between God....and us, casting a dark shadow over our lives.

In order to keep God's glory shining on us, we need to take away the sin that is blocking His glory from shining down on us.

What is blocking God's light from shining on you today?

The way to remove that sinful barrier is to pray for forgiveness...and repent. Which means to do this sin no more.

Then you will once again be standing in all of God's glory!

Day 128 - More than Just His Birth

Someone told me today that Christmas is about more than celebrating an infant Jesus in a manger. It's that He actually was sent to this earth by God to give us a better way to Heaven, a better way of atoning for our sins, a closer connection to God himself.

How marvelous the thought!?

So I will focus on the fact that God loved me so much that He sent His only son...a superior and better way.

Thank you, Father God!

Amen.

If You Look For Me At Christmas

If You Look For Me At Christmas

You Won't Need a Special Star

I'm No Longer Here in Bethlehem

I'm Right There Where You Are

You May Not Be Aware of Me

Amid the Celebrations

You'll Have to Look Beyond the Stores

And All the Decorations

But if You Take a Moment From Your List

Of Things To Do

And Listen To Your Heart, You'll Find

I'm Waiting There For You

You're The One I Want To Be With

You're The Reason That I Came

And You'll Find Me In The Stillness

And I'm Whispering Your Name.

Love, Jesus

Days 125, 126 & 127 - The Christmas Spirit

It's nearly Christmas. The Christian radio station plays lovely Christmas melodies, I play my Christmas CDs while at my desk at work, and our friends invite us to their holiday gatherings.

Our Christmas tree is up, our home is decorated, and our presents are nearly all wrapped and ready for Christmas morning.

We are reading the Nativity story to our littlest toddler in various toddler books with various themes.

Our eldest daughters are wrapping up their final performances in their local theatre's Christmas play, "Oliver Twist."

Our church will be holding their Christmas choir and play tonight. They've been practicing for weeks and weeks.

Everything is ready and waiting for that special day: the day Christ was born! So it's not really the day Christ was born, but it's the day we celebrate His birth.

The snow is gently falling today. I'm listening to a Charlie Brown Christmas song sung by a Christian artist as I type today's journal. My husband and I have already knelt and prayed to Christ our Savior, my toddler is wearing her winter-time footie-pajamas and playing with stickers while my two elder daughters are sleeping snug as a bug in their cozy beds. It's a peaceful Sunday morning.

Thank you, God, for sending Jesus to this earth.

"The star, that they did see in the east, did go before them..." Matthew 2:9

Day 124 - Eternal Salvation

Last night was Wednesday night service at church.

True to the last few weeks, it's a mad dash to make it in time, especially since I don't get off work until 5:00 p.m.

I zoom out of the office, fly in the front door of our home, greet the nanny and two of my children, quickly discuss nanny's day with my youngest daughter, throw the children into the cold and snowy SUV, zoom over to my middle daughter's theater school to pick her up from her after-school class, and try to get to church before all of the dinner food is eaten and gone. (Did I mention our church serves free dinner before Wednesday night service?) I arrive and my husband is patiently waiting. Because he works just down the street from the church, he just closes up shop and heads over at a leisurely pace.

Anyway, once the children are situation in their various classrooms, my husband and I collapse into our seats in the sanctuary, open our Bibles, and try to slow down our pounding hearts. :)

The last few sermons, the pastor has spoken of "eternal salvation," meaning that once a person is saved, they're always saved. Forever. Nothing can break their bond with Christ. Ever.

That's a new concept to me.

I've always been told that one CAN lose their salvation. It's called backsliding, I believe.

Anyway, the pastor gave this analogy:

Just as God closed the door on the ark and sealed Noah and his family inside, so it is with our salvation. God seals us.

And then the pastor also gave this analogy:

When we chose to accept Christ into our lives, God makes a covenant with us that cannot be broken. Why can't it be broken? Because we aren't the ones who seal the deal...God is.

Ephesians 2: 8-9 says this "For by grace you are saved through faith, and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God. It is not from works, so that no one can boast."

And Romans 8:33: "Who will bring any charge against God's elect? It is God who justifies. Who is the one who will condemn? It is Christ who died (and more than that, He was raised), who is at the right hand of God and who is interceding for us. Who will separate us from the love of Christ? Will trouble, distress or persecution, famine, nakedness, danger or sword?"

And verse 38: "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, nor angels nor heavenly rulers, nor things that are present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in creation will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. "

Day 123 - Office Issues

I'm a working mother and wife. I work in a small office with three other women, the judge, and two other employees who pop in from time to time but basically work from their homes.

It can get pretty hairy in this office some days, especially in dealing with a certain older, female coworker who has a load of issues and neuroses.

We bump heads from time to time, and we irritate each other quite often. Well, I should say that I irritate her quite frequently, and she doesn't hesitate to let me know of it.

She's the type of gal who works very hard and is very good at what she does, but her interoffice personal skills are lacking. She does not play well in the sandbox. Her hair bristles easily. Her fangs come out an the slightest offense.

Yesterday was one such day. Of course, I had somehow managed to cause her feathers to ruffle. Tensions are high in the office now.

Lord, I am trying to be a good employee, a good coworker. I try not to make mistakes when doing my work. But I do make mistakes. I'm not perfect. And this coworker loves to get me into trouble when I make them.

Help me in this tense office situation.

Amen.

Day 122 - Respite Foster Care

My husband and I are considering providing respite foster care for a local foster care family.

Respite foster care simply means temporarily taking a foster child for a weekend or an overnighter, in order to give the foster parents a much-needed break.

Of course, we would request a little girl between the ages of 4 and 12. She would share a room with our middle daughter. And we are interested in doing this respite care once a month. We are hoping to provide this respite care on a Saturday night, then taking her to Sunday School with our girls, and then having a nice sit-down family-style dinner afterwards. Maybe play some board games, play outside, read books...whatever!

So I have been in contact with the local Family Services. They are sending out paperwork. There's a background check, criminal check, and fingerprinting.

The social worker at Family Services asked if we would be interested in providing some temporary care to emergency foster situations...maybe it's 2 a.m. and the police have responded to a home...and the child in that home needs some temporary foster home until a permanent one is found. I said I would be, yes...

When I brought this topic up to my eldest daughter, she was furious. She says our home is too small, she says she would be too burdened with another child...but she is a typical teenager who believes the world revolves around her. I suggested that once a month when this foster girl is over, my eldest daughter can spend the night with her girlfriends.

My middle daughter was more receptive...but cautious, too.

My husband was all for it, stating to make sure it's a little girl since we have a house full of girls.

So please pray that God would guide us in this endeavor.

Amen.

"Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of God is this: to visit orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world." James 1:27

Day 121 - It's a Wonderful Life!

___________________

Yes, It's a Wonderful Life now! Praise God!

My husband and I are still kneeling and praying, studying our scripture and reading our book on how to strengthen our marriage.

Our children are healthy and happy, our house is warm, we have food in our refrigerator and cupboards. We have steady jobs with steady (and good) incomes. We have friends and family who rejoice with us during our own rejoicing seasons...

But most of all, It's a Wonderful Life because we have Christ as the center of our home.

Thank you, Jesus! Somebody...pinch me! Is this for real? Has our marriage, our home life, changed so dramatically that we can all say, "We are truly happy!"

God has done this.

I had a rough childhood. Growing up with an alcoholic father was extremely tough. Growing up with such turmoil in my childhood doesn't set a great foundation, for sure.

Thank God my mother...despite her own emotional turmoil during my childhood...instilled in us God's love and salvation.

And then to jump into such a marriage at the tender age of 22 was no less difficult.

And to now have P-E-A-C-E in all things...it's truly miraculous. I am sooooooo thankful to be here at last. It was a long road to travel, for sure. And now, I am at peace in all things.

Father, I pray for your continued peace and comfort in my life. I pray that I will not become complacent, however, and I pray that I will long for you in all areas of my life, and that You will guide me down the path that You have chosen for me.

May my life be dedicated to You and Your calling for me and my family. Amen.

"For with God nothing is ever impossible and no word from God shall be without power or impossible of fulfillment." Luke 1:37

Days 119 & 120 - The Passion of the Christ

Do you remember this movie? It came out in 2004. I saw it in a large cinema theater. I couldn't believe how gruesome it was at the time. But then again, Christ's death was no pretty thing. He was beaten, spat upon, whipped, punched, rocks were thrown at him, the crowd cried out their hateful, mocking words while His followers (and his mother) cried with anguish.

He was nailed to a cross, excruciating pain.

He breathed his last...and died.

Praise God, He arose 3 days later!

Last night, my husband and I watched this movie together. It was as gruesome and depressing last night as it was six years ago. My husband and I turned our heads away at certain parts, unable to watch the pain and torture our Heavenly Father endured.

At the end, as He was nailed to the cross, I sat stunned on our soft sofa, thinking, "Man! Jesus did all of this...for M-E?!" I"m so not worthy of it. None of us are worthy of His sacrifice.

We knelt and prayed following the conclusion of the movie. I prayed, "Lord, I am not doing nearly enough for you! I would sell all that I have and go where You call me."

Of course, He doesn't call us to the mission field...yet! Maybe in the future? Who knows.

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have everlasting life!" John 3:16

Day 118 - Lord, Use Us!

I feel like our family is now in a place to be used by God. And my prayer is that He would use us to be His hands, His heart, and His words of encouragement to others.





Jason Gray, Christian singer and songwriter, sings this song:

"Jesus, Use Me, I'm Yours"

I bend my knee

This song my plea

Jesus, use me, I am yours.

My dreams, my plans

My heart, my hands.

Jesus, use me, I am yours.

I am desperately wanting

To please you

With all that I am

And I know that you don't need me

But if you want me, I'm yours

My will, my voice

Each word, each choice

Jesus, use me, I am yours.

My blood, my breath,

My life, my death

Jesus, use me, I am yours.

I am desperately wanting

To please you

With all that I am

And I know that you don't need me

But if you want me, I'm yours.

If you would choose to use me, my Savior

In spite of my fears and all of my failures

I'm not much to look at

But whatever I am, I'm yours.

Day 117 - Road to Financial Freedom

I've never been the type of gal to tithe on a regular basis, nor have I been the type of gal who is wise with her money.

I feel God leading me to be both a regular and steady tither, and a more dedicated budgeter.

I'd heard of Dave Ramsey through various folks: online communities, friends. And with my new raise in pay and with my newfound zeal to be wise in not only my giving but my saving, I have decided to begin taking steps towards reducing my debt, saving more money, and eventually -- hopefully -- eliminating my debt altogether.

Dave Ramsey has this program that teaches you a cash system versus a debit card/credit card/check system. The idea is to budget a certain amount for each area of spending: groceries, gas, credit card payments, bank loan payments, etc. And with each paycheck, you place cash into a set of envelopes marked with these areas of spending. For instance, I will place $250 cash in an envelope marked "groceries," and then that's the money I use towards my grocery shop. The hope is that because I'm handing over cash, I will feel a bigger "hurt" as I spend, spend, spend, instead of just swiping my debit card or writing out numbers that mean nothing. I will see my cash stash dwindling with each shop.

Hopefully, this will curb my tendency to visit the local thrift store and easily drop $35 or more each visit.

And hopefully, this will teach me to pick up those dimes and nickels and pennies and put them into my piggy bank.

It's going to be a long process. There isn't much wiggle room for savings yet. But with careful attention to spending, that amount left over every month can go into a savings account for emergencies.

Lord, I pray for further guidance with my money management, both in tithing and in spending. Amen.

Proverbs 6:6-8 says, "Go to the ant, sluggard; consider her ways and be wise; who has no guide, overseer or ruler, provides her food in the summer, and gathers her food in the harvest."

And this one found in 1 Corinthians 16:2 "On the first day of every week, each one of you is to put aside and save so he may prosper."

Day 116 - Tithing Needn't Be a Cuss Word

Before my husband experienced his radical life change to follow the Lord, he frowned upon my checks to the church. He even went so far as to say, "I don't want you giving money to the church that we need for our family."

So then I was torn between giving to the church despite his wishes, or obeying God's command to tithe. And when I say I tithed, it was not on a regular basis, and it has never been a full 10% of my income, net or gross.

But the church would send a tithing form to our household each year during tax season, my husband would look at the total amount given by me and cringe.

Now that's he is seeking the Lord and being led by the Lord, it has been impressed upon his heart that we should begin tithing together. He wishes me to tithe 5% of my income to start, and he will do the same.

This discussion couldn't have come at a better time. I was just about to purchase some major appliances from Home Depot that would've sucked away a good $135 per month for the next 18 months. I mean, I'd spent days researching the perfect appliance set -- gas stove with convection oven, and matching refrigerator with the freezer drawer on the bottom -- and had even picked out my final choices. It was nearly a done deal. The manager at Home Depot gave me a screaming deal on a Home Depot credit card, even: 18 months with ZERO interest. And within that time, I'd have it all paid off, anyway.

And then my husband went and ruined my plans for a beautiful new stove and refrigerator! :) And I'm smiling when I say that.

So instead, I will tithe.

I'm a bit scared. That's a lot of money, even at 5%. But I should feel blessed to be able to tithe, and I should want to tithe to the Lord after all He has done for this family in the last 116 days...right!?

So I pray that the Lord would lead us in this new area of Christianity...Amen.

Deuteronomy 14:22-23: "Be sure to set aside 10% of all that you produce...so that you may learn to revere the Lord God always."

Leviticus 27:30: "A tithe (or 10%) of everything...belongs to the Lord. It is holy."

Malachi 3:10-12Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse that there may be meat in My house, and prove me now herewith, saith the Lord of Hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it. And I will rebuke the Devourer (Satan) for your sakes, and he shall not destroy the fruits of your ground, neither shall your vine cast its fruit before its time in the field, saith the Lord of Hosts, and all nations shall call you blessed for you shall be a delightsome land, saith the Lord of Hosts."

Day 115 - Joy Mixed With Sadness

Today is a good day...but one mixed with some sadness, too.

Today is my middle daughter's very last elementary school Christmas program. Waaaa!!!! I am sad to know that we won't be attending any more of these school programs. They've been fabulous! From her first year in Kindergarten, standing on the stage with her teeny-weeny classmates and belting out "Jingle Bells" out of rhythm but with a big toothless grin...to third grade solo song in front of a whole auditorium of parents/grandparents...and now to her fifth grade performance where she wears her "coolest" outfit with stylin' shoes...my husband and I have sat through each year's performance, wiping a happy tear away each year...SO proud of our little girl!

But I'm joyful that we've had all of these performances, permanently burned into my mind's memory to recall in later years when I'm old and gray-haired and sitting in my rocking chair.

The second thing: Today as my husband and I knelt in prayer before the Lord, my husband thanked God that he has such a wonderful wife who stood beside him all of these years, despite how awful he may have treated me or the children. I was so happy to hear him say those words...but so convicted because truly, I wanted to leave a hundred times. And I even attempted to leave on several occasions.

Each time I attempted to leave, God stopped me from sinning.

One time, 15 years ago, I had actually packed up my eldest daughter, who was 2 at the time, and left for good. I was going to start fresh. But God intervened and brought us back together. It wasn't an easy "new" beginning, but with God's help, we managed to make it, even having two more children and building some happy family memories!

Another time, about 6 years ago -- maybe more -- I was once again going to leave. I'd had enough. I was moving on...and even taking initial steps towards doing so. I was about to sin greatly in God's eyes...and He moved in a powerful way and stopped me from doing so. I ended up in the emergency room with a broken ankle...and the steps I was about to take the following morning towards permanently breaking my marriage covenant were shattered. I didn't see it as a positive occurence at the time. I was angry that my plans were foiled by a broken ankle.

As I was kneeling beside my husband in prayer this morning, these events where God dramatically stepped in and prevented me from leaving my marriage covenant hit me with great force. God knew all of those years ago that my husband and I were to remain married, as we vowed to do.

Although I have only given my body to my husband in all of our 17 years of marriage...there were times when I longed for something different and even began to imagine myself married to other people. I thought, "Maybe this man would be gentle and loving and patient," or "maybe this man might be the man who would care for me and take care of me for the rest of my life, and I could do the same for him."

I used to cling to these scriptures from 1 Cor. 7:16:

"For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband?"

Or this one:

1 Cor. 7:13:

"And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife."

But our marriage would get so tough! And I would ignore God's word, thinking, "Well, my husband will never be saved. Our marriage will never improve, and I'm tired of being the only one praying."

Praise God that He has called my husband after 17 years! And praise God that my husband softened his heart to God!

And although I'm so happy that my husband is now a "believer," I am so saddened to think back at my years of discontent and near abandonment.

Father God, I pray today that you would forgive me for my past actions in trying to leave my husband and in trying to break our marriage covenant. Help me to forgive myself, as well. Amen.

Day 114 - The Fear of the Lord

Here's a photo of my New King James bible (bottom left), my husband's grandmother's King James bible (bottom middle), our notepad, and study guides (top).

These are the sources we use when we study scripture. As my husband reads his grandmother's bible out loud, I am reading along with my bible, remarking upon some of the word differences. And then for further insight or information, we use my husband's "Quest" bible which, I believe, is the NIV version. And for even further understanding, we search the Handbook for clarification and deeper knowledge of the scriptures.

You'll notice our cups of coffee. My husband prepares coffee every morning as I'm showering, and then he adds a dallop of whipped cream to my cup. How sweet and wonderful to wake up to!

Today, we started the book of Proverbs. Chapter one speaks of knowledge and wisdom, and the first step in acquiring knowledge and wisdom is to have a fear of the Lord. And not "fear," as in we should tremble and be frightened -- although we truly ought to -- but "fear" as in being humble and recognizing God's authority in our lives.

Step One to gaining much wisdom is found in Proverbs 1:7 says:

"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom (knowledge)."

Do you long to have wisdom in every situation? Do you wish to have knowledge? Then you must have a fear of the Lord.

Proverbs 4:23: "Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life."

If we will get our hearts right with God, then our actions will move us in the correct direction.

Days 112 & 113 - Where Is Love?

"Where Is Love" is a song sung by Oliver in the play "Oliver Twist." If you're not familiar with the story, Oliver is an orphan boy who endures much hardship in his young years. He sings this song at a time when he longs for a mother to hold him, to love him, to smile at him like only a mother can.

My middle daughter is currently playing the role of Oliver in "Oliver Twist." And last night was her opening night in the play. When the time came for her to sing her solo, "Where Is Love," the whole audience was silent. Her voice was melancholy and clearly longing for "love." As her mother, my heart was stung...thinking, "But I'm here! You HAVE love!"

I have been thinking quite a bit lately about orphans, foster parenting and/or adoption. I browse the Internet looking at photos of abandoned and hurting children and think: My arms would hold them. My heart would love them. I will take care of them and feed them, rejoice in their school plays and praise them for As on their homework assignments.

I wonder if our Lord and Savior feels the same way about us? I wonder if the Lord sees our hurts and our anguish, our abandonment and our poverty, and says, "But I'm here! You HAVE love through me!"

If only we, as humans, would ALL learn to turn to His love...we would never feel abandoned or lost again.

And I truly believe that God uses others on this earth to show this love of His, as well. When an abandoned child from Africa loses his parents to AIDS, and a fine couple from England adopts this child and loves him and cares for him...or if there is a sibling group whose parents have lost custody of the children through drug abuse...and an American family opens their tiny home up and provides food, clothing, safety and love.

Father God, you have placed adoption/fostering on my heart. If it is your will, may you lead us to the child(ren) that You have in mind for us to take in and show love towards. Amen.

James 1:27:

"Religion that God our Father accepts and pure and faultless is this: to look after widows and orphans in their distress."

Day 111 - Be Still

This morning as I was halway between sleep and wakefulness, I saw God's scripture float across my mind's eye:

"Be Still...And Know That I Am God."

This is found in Psalm 46:10.

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I have been so tired lately that I can barely stay awake at work some days. Seems our family is so incredibly busy going and doing and being and seeing that we don't have time to sit still and hear God's voice speaking to us.

The TV is blaring...we're on the laptop after work playing social games...our radio is on in the car...we are busy calling friends on the telephone...we are busy running errands...we get engrossed in cleaning our homes...we rush from one activity to another...and then we crash into bed at night.

When do you have a quiet time to sit in a darkened room, by yourself, on your knees, with NO outside stimuli distracting you?

My husband and I have been praying on our knees every single morning and then we spend time studying God's Holy Word before we rush around the house getting showered and ready for work.

We work all day long, fighting fires at our respective places of employment, then rush home just in time to run a child to play practice, or rush to the athletic club to get our favorite workout equipment before someone else gets it.

And then we crash into bed late at night.

I think this family is in dire need of quiet and rest time. Time to turn off the Disney movies, time to turn off the Christian radio station, time to cancel our pending engagements and just be reflective...so that we may hear God's voice and so that we may KNOW...truly KNOW that our God is...God!

Lord, help us to do more than just schedule You into our busy mornings, our busy evenings, our frantic weekends. Help us to be still...and know that You are God. Amen.

Day 110 - Scattered and Reflective Thoughts

Today I have scattered but reflective and introspective thoughts scrambling around in my mind.

Last night, my whole family attended Wednesday night church service together. Since there was a meal prepared by the church, we went early and ate and fellowshipped with other church members. There was a wonderful meal cooked: grilled chicken, mashed potatoes, salad, green beans, and even delicious and moist brownies for dessert.

Quite a few people were there, along with two busloads of children from throughout our town and neighborhing towns. Apparently, this church busses in children from all over: lower income trailer parks, lower income housing projects, and lower income homes. And boy, did these children show it! The smaller children wore ragged clothing and ragged shoes. Some came with coats and hats...most did not. There were even about 12 teenagers who came on those buses, too. The type of teenager that has nose studs, tongue studs, belly button piercings, low cut clothing, FLIP-FLOPS, and lots and lots of eye makeup on the girls. The boys wore baggy, saggy pants, hooded sweatshirts, and worn out tennis shoes without laces.

My youngest daughter, the toddler, went to the nursery with just two other toddlers. She enjoyed herself in that large room full of organized toys. The nursery worker was a clean-cut teenage girl with great manners.

My middle daughter ran down the hall excitedly with her appropriate AWANA class and teacher. She ended up having a fabulous time in her AWANA class, memorizing scripture and playing games with other children her age. She was completely oblivious to the financial/economic line of demarcation between herself and the other children in her class. Praise God for that!

But my eldest daughter struggled through her youth group meeting. She was hesitant to even go into the room. The youth pastor looked no older than 25 himself, wore baggy jeans and a gray, hooded sweatshirt. Kind of rough-looking himself. I peeked into the room when I dropped her off at her class and I was shocked at the type of youth in this room. Just as I explained above. Rough kids, for sure, from very rough backgrounds. Something my eldest has not been exposed to and something I've been away from since I left my home at the age of 21 and moved out West with my husband.

During the AWANA time, my husband and I snuggled up next to each other in the church pews while the pastor spoke of God's grace...and eventual judgment on everyone. He followed the ancient Israelites' lives, going back as far as Noah and others...up through Ruth and Rahab and even King David. And then tied it all in with the New Testament believers/apostles...and us, as individuals. Very good sermon.

While I was sitting in this warm church with dimly lit lights, and while I was snuggled up against my husband's warm chest, I kept feeling like this was so surreal...somebody pinch me! There was my husband with Bible open on his lap, he's taking notes and listening intently, even shedding a tear or two during prayer time. I still shake my head in disbelief at his drastic life change. But Praising God at the same time!

At the end of the church service and while driving home, my eldest said in the car, "I'm never going there again. Those kids were awful! They didn't listen, they weren't dressed appropriately, they didn't speak appropriately." And then my daughter said one of the girls' prayer of thankfulness was that it didn't hurt when she got her belly button pierced last week.

Truly, my daughters are sheltered children. They don't see poverty from our neighborhood. They don't hang with lower-income children who have alcoholic fathers, or refrigerators that are bare, or kids who get all of their clothing from Good Will or donations from charity. These children don't even have the basic manners that my children were taught as toddlers.

My daughter didn't like it one bit.

I tried to explain that these are exactly the people Jesus came for! These are His lost children, and we are called to be salt of the earth and lights in this dark world!

But she's only 15. She wants to belong to a group of children more like herself, from her financial strata, from her well-mannered group of friends; children who wear designer blue jeans and expensive Ugg boots. She's uncomfortable and shaken.

But I know God has a plan in this. I pray that my eldest daughter would learn to be salt of the earth and a light unto the darkest places. I pray that she would see these children as Jesus does: not as poor, impoverished and poorly-mannered and poorly-dressed ragamuffins, but as wounded and hurting children that desperately need to know Jesus and His love.

Matthew 5:13: "You are the salt of the earth."

Proverbs 13:9: "The light of the righteous shines brightly."

Day 109 - What a Difference Two Weeks Makes!

Praise God! My husband and I are still kneeling daily before our Lord and Savior, asking Him to heal us, to guide us, to show us more about His power and strength!

My husband used to sleep in every single morning...well, except on days he was going hunting! He used to staggar out of bed bleary-eyed and complaining about this and that.

Not anymore! He's up and at-'em before dawn, making hot coffee and preparing for our prayer time and scripture reading. He brings me a steaming hot cup of coffee nearly every morning now...usually with whipped cream on top! And I stumble downstairs into the dimly lit kitchen where we study at the table. And my husband has already turned on the Christian music station, so that plays softly in the background.

You should see our kitchen table when we are studying the Bible! We have his grandmother's bible, a King James Version, before us...we have his Quest Bible open above that...and I have my own New King James bible open before me. And above all of these bibles is a Study Guide that helps us figure out exactly what certain passages mean.

We sit side by side, holding hands and snuggled up while reading. I have my bedhead every morning, and he has his coffee breath every morning. No matter!

We can sometimes make it all the way through our reading before the toddler wakes up and calls us to come and get her from her bed. Those times that we don't, we bring her down with us, snuggle her onto our laps where she enjoys her morning milk bottle while we conclude our study and begin our days.

The other morning, as I was sneaking out of my bed real quietly so I wouldn't wake the children, I heard my toddler call out: "You and Daddy gonna go study that Bible?" Even my two year old has seen some MAJOR changes in our home!

We are still reading in Ezekiel. We've also added Song of Solomon.

Today's scripture comes from Ezekiel 11:19-20:

"I will give them an undivided heart and put a new spirit in them; I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh. Then they will follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws. They will be my people and I will be their God."