Days 77 & 78 - Mercy

Yesterday was Saturday and I spent the day at home with my middle and my youngest daughters. The eldest was working her weekend job as a waitress.

I spent hours cleaning, doing laundry and dishes...as usual. But the younger two and I trotted over to one of the last remaining farmers' markets of the season and even enjoyed some hot milk steamers from Starbucks! My middle daughter was to attend a birthday sleepover, so we then walked to the local movie theater and picked up a gift card for a matinee as the birthday gift, along with a pack of candy.

My toddler slept on the 15-minute stroller ride back home, so she didn't take a nap yesterday. I struggled to make it through my long afternoon with a cranky toddler and my body feeling as if yet another cold was coming.

My husband arrived home from work in the afternoon, eager and ready to do our workout together at the local athletic club. I went...but not happily. I was tired and my body was aching. Despite this, we enjoyed our time together strengthing our bodies and staying in shape.

After our workout, my eldest daughter was dropped off at a friend's home for a sleepover...which left only our two-year-old at home. I think my husband had plans for an evening spent together, just the two of us, once the toddler had gone to bed.

We even bought some expensive steelhead filets for a romantic dinner together, along with fresh asparagus.

But the dinner came out late, my body was now aching all over, and the toddler began an incessant cough that would not subside. Along with this, I made my husband sleep in one of the girls' empty beds because he was to get up at 5 a.m. to go elk hunting in the morning, and I did not want to be awakened at that time of day...and have the toddler awakened, as well. He wasn't too happy. In fact, he went to bed a bit angry.

Our night together completely spoiled.

Sigh...

That's the way it goes after 17 years of marriage, let me tell you. Times of romance are few and far between. Cultivating and maintaining our marriage was put on the backburner years ago as we tend to the daily grind and tend to our brood, tend to the home, tend to run-down vehicles or whatever else faces our day.

My husband loves me, but I know he'd like more time together. I know he'd like a more romantic side of me. I know he'd prefer more attention from me.

But reality is what reality is. I can't give 100% of myself to everyone in the household, especially when there's a demanding 2-year-old and a full-time job that drains me. And because my husband is a grown adult, he gets the shaft.

This is kind of a crazy place in life...we're no longer spring chickens, newlyweds full of BIG dreams and aspirations and grins on our faces. No, we're middle-aged veteran spouses who have weathered many a storm and come out on the other side a bit ragged and worn, but still standing.

I am saddened that I can't be the perfect wife to him. I hope and pray that God will help us to stay strong in our marriage...but more than this, that God would help us find ways to be stronger, not only for ourselves, but also for our children.

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My scripture for today really has nothing to do with marriage.

1 Timothy 1:13 says:

"Although I was formerly a blasphemer, a persecutor, and an insolent man, I obtained mercy...and the grace of our Lord was exceedingly abundant."