Day 2 - About Me

About Me...

I'm a wife of nearly 20 years and I have three daughters. I work full-time. My husband works two jobs. We hardly see each other. We are like ships passing in the night. I'm asleep when he gets home...he's asleep when I leave for work. Weekends are a bit better. At least we have every other weekend together. But that's hard on a marriage...and our children.

A few years back, my husband had an upper-management job, was raking in the dough, but was under an incredible amount of stress and anxiety. He'd lie awake at nights with worry about his job duties, his employees, the Board of Directors. I finally convinced him (after much prayer) to quit his job, buy a small general store out in the country, and we'd work side by side forever. The business failed one year later and we lost our whole retirement savings, as well.

Thank goodness we didn't lose our house. It had never sold. So we moved back into town and began struggling daily to pay our bills and make ends meet.

I was able to move back into my former job...only this time, I had to take full-time work. I've never worked full-time in our whole marriage. We always felt our children came first, so part-time would work great. And it did. Ten years ago, I was a Sunday School teacher at our Lutheran Church. I used to have time to bake cookies and take fun trips downtown to the library and ice cream shop with my children. We would sew crafts, read books, and hang out together as mother and daughters. I had time to "train" them, as well. "Darlin, that's bad manners. Here's how you should've done it," or "Stomping your foot at me won't get you anywhere." And it didn't.

I stuck to my guns as a parent. My children did not cross that line...well, rarely.

Now, I'm so exhausted that I really don't give a hoot. Okay, I do give a hoot, but I'm too tired. My house is in disarray on a weekly basis. I can't attend some of their school functions because I'm working. No more fun field trips. Our weekends are jam packed with "fun" things to do in order to make up for the daily things I'm missing.

As for my marriage...well, where do I begin? We never see each other. Ever. And when we do, it's awkward at times. We're both tired. We're both depressed. He wants more "alone" time together...and I just want some alone time. Ten years ago, I was wearing an apron and cooking homemade meals, ironing husband's dress shirts, and volunteering at the local nursing home. Now, I'm seeing a counselor. Counselor's great. But counselor's not Him. And I know that He can turn things around much better than counselor can.

That's why I'm starting this Wilderness Way on-line journal...because that's where I feel we are right now...in the Wilderness. And we need to find our way back to a peaceful place in our lives as a family.

So I am going to try to find our way back. I understand that if I ask, He is immediately beside me. The problem is, we're in the middle of nowhere, and He will have to guide this group of wayward family members to the place where He wants us to be...which isn't here. I know it. It can't be right.

God...take my hand and I'll take yours. I'm asking because my husband doesn't know how. I'm pleading because I need You. I'm crying out because my children are wandering lost, too...