Days 77 & 78 - Mercy

Yesterday was Saturday and I spent the day at home with my middle and my youngest daughters. The eldest was working her weekend job as a waitress.

I spent hours cleaning, doing laundry and dishes...as usual. But the younger two and I trotted over to one of the last remaining farmers' markets of the season and even enjoyed some hot milk steamers from Starbucks! My middle daughter was to attend a birthday sleepover, so we then walked to the local movie theater and picked up a gift card for a matinee as the birthday gift, along with a pack of candy.

My toddler slept on the 15-minute stroller ride back home, so she didn't take a nap yesterday. I struggled to make it through my long afternoon with a cranky toddler and my body feeling as if yet another cold was coming.

My husband arrived home from work in the afternoon, eager and ready to do our workout together at the local athletic club. I went...but not happily. I was tired and my body was aching. Despite this, we enjoyed our time together strengthing our bodies and staying in shape.

After our workout, my eldest daughter was dropped off at a friend's home for a sleepover...which left only our two-year-old at home. I think my husband had plans for an evening spent together, just the two of us, once the toddler had gone to bed.

We even bought some expensive steelhead filets for a romantic dinner together, along with fresh asparagus.

But the dinner came out late, my body was now aching all over, and the toddler began an incessant cough that would not subside. Along with this, I made my husband sleep in one of the girls' empty beds because he was to get up at 5 a.m. to go elk hunting in the morning, and I did not want to be awakened at that time of day...and have the toddler awakened, as well. He wasn't too happy. In fact, he went to bed a bit angry.

Our night together completely spoiled.

Sigh...

That's the way it goes after 17 years of marriage, let me tell you. Times of romance are few and far between. Cultivating and maintaining our marriage was put on the backburner years ago as we tend to the daily grind and tend to our brood, tend to the home, tend to run-down vehicles or whatever else faces our day.

My husband loves me, but I know he'd like more time together. I know he'd like a more romantic side of me. I know he'd prefer more attention from me.

But reality is what reality is. I can't give 100% of myself to everyone in the household, especially when there's a demanding 2-year-old and a full-time job that drains me. And because my husband is a grown adult, he gets the shaft.

This is kind of a crazy place in life...we're no longer spring chickens, newlyweds full of BIG dreams and aspirations and grins on our faces. No, we're middle-aged veteran spouses who have weathered many a storm and come out on the other side a bit ragged and worn, but still standing.

I am saddened that I can't be the perfect wife to him. I hope and pray that God will help us to stay strong in our marriage...but more than this, that God would help us find ways to be stronger, not only for ourselves, but also for our children.

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My scripture for today really has nothing to do with marriage.

1 Timothy 1:13 says:

"Although I was formerly a blasphemer, a persecutor, and an insolent man, I obtained mercy...and the grace of our Lord was exceedingly abundant."

Day 76 - Off the Mountain...and Into the Woods

I changed my photo to the woods. I realized that I'm no longer on the top of a mountain...lost and without hope.

Presently, I am following a clear path...I just don't feel I'm totally out of the woods yet. There's a lot of things that God needs to take care of in my life and my family members' lives before I can say that I'm finally in a peaceful meadow.

I am walking on a path now. And despite the trees surrounding me, there's occasional rays of light that strike the path before me...pressing me onward. And Jesus is guiding me now. I know it.

I don't yet know what my future holds, as far as my job. I don't know if I will get my pay exception and continue working full-time to support my family, providing health insurance and accumulating retirement benefits. I may end up not keeping this job due to the decrease in pay...

Where I'll go from there is anybody's guess...if I have to go that direction.

For now, I am trusting God to lead me and guide me...because I've asked Him to and because His word says He will.

So I wait and trust and pray for now...until the path takes me elsewhere.

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Father, thank you for bringing me out of the wilderness and into the woods. Thank you for making a path for me to follow...and thank you for teaching me how to find my way back to you and my path in life. Amen.

Day 75 - Divination

I wasn't quite sure what to write today, so I told myself to wait just a bit and I'd find some inspiration.

I found my inspiration for today's blog from an on-line Christian women's forum that I belong to. One member had posted about "divination," an attempt to "foresee" into some sort of situation through some sort of process or ritual. Divination can be seen as some sort of systematic method people use in order to organize random events of our lives.

Divination includes, but is not limited to: omens, sortilege (or casting of bones), fortune-telling, horoscopes, astrology, palm-reading, feng shui, sorcery, necromancy, dream interpretation, crystal balls, numerology, Ouiji boards, "seers," and seances.

The Bible is very clear on divination: it is an abomination to Him.

• Exodus 22:18: "You shall not permit a sorceress to live."
• Leviticus 19:26: "You shall not eat anything with the blood, nor shall you practice divination or soothsaying."
• Leviticus 19:31: "Give no regard to mediums and familiar spirits; do not seek after them, to be defiled by them: I am the Lord your God."
• Leviticus 20:27: "a man or a woman who is a medium, or who has familiar spirits, shall surely be put to death; they shall stone them with stones. Their blood shall be upon them."
• Deuteronomy 18:10-11: "there shall not be found among you anyone who makes his son or his daughter pass through the fire, or one who practices witchcraft, or a soothsayer, or one who interprets omens, or a sorcerer, or one who conjures spells, or a medium, or a spiritist, or one who call up the dead."
• Micah 3:7: "So the seers shall be ashamed, and the diviners abashed; Indeed they shall all cover their lips; for there is no answer from God.

We are not to know our futures...it is in God's hands. We are not to speak with our dead loved ones...they are in God's hands until we meet again. We are only to seek God's will for our lives...

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Father, I thank you for this very important study on divination. Amen.

Day 74 - How Deep Is His Love For Us!

Today I am at peace. I am allowing God to guide me and lead me, and that is such a great burden for me to unload.

I am so glad that my Heavenly Father cares for me so much that He will lead me and teach me and show me His ways.

I am so glad that He loves me so much that he helped form me in my mother's womb...and because He formed me, He knows the intricate parts of me: what makes me happy, what makes me sad, what areas of my life need improvement, and what areas of my life I excel in. So when I say He is leading me, I know He will not lead me where I do not want to go or where I will fail...

Today I will interview for my current position. It turns out that the other applicants weren't qualified for the position, and I was the only qualified applicant! This is a HUGE Hallelujah! Because now the Judge can better go to Human Resources and ask for a pay exception and get my pay back up.

This morning, my daugher's nanny arrived while it was still dark. She helped dress my toddler and get my toddler's morning milk bottle. We were both scurrying around getting last-minute tasks completed before I was to leave for work when I witnessed something that melted my heart.

My toddler had waddled over to nanny, wrapped her arms around nanny's legs and whispered, "I wuv you." Nanny instantaneously responded, "I love you, too, darlin." And they both hugged each other.

I was so overcome with emotion on several different levels. First, I was overjoyed that my child would love her nanny so much. Second, I was thrilled to pieces that nanny was so at ease in reciprocating her love to my child. And third, I was blessed by God to realize how important this other woman has been to my toddler. She is like her own Grandmother: hugs and kisses, cuddles and caretaking.

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So Lord, I thank you for my upcoming interview, and I thank you for Nanny. Thank you for guiding me and leading my family. You know our needs and our desires in ways that we can't even comprehend.

Ephesians 3:18: "May we understand, as God's people should, how wide, how long, and how high and how deep is His love for us."

Day 73 - Not My Will But Thy Will

When I was a child, I'd often see the local Amish farmers training their new horses. The farmer would put blinders on the young horse, along with a bit and bridle, and spend hour after hour training the horse to obey his commands.

At first, the young horse bucks and pulls away, not wanting to submit to the authority of the farmer.

But after much hard work, the farmer has tamed the horse into submitting to the gentle tugs of the bridle. Tug left and the horse turns left. Tug right and the horse turns right. The blinders are so important because, as you all know, the Amish pile in their wife and children into tiny little buggies attached to the horse...and drive down main roads with cars honking and semi-trucks grinding past. The horse cannot for one moment be frightened at what lies to either side of him...but must look forward only and press on toward the goal...with only the gentle tugs of the farmer's reigns to guide him.

Much is the same with my life, I am beginning to understand.

My Lord has to train me to follow His direction, to go where He is leading me. At first, I am like that young horse, bucking and tugging against the Lord's will. At first, I am a bit frightened to submit my will to His.

But life is like that highway full of cars and semi-tractor trailers speeding by me. It's like my husband and my precious children are all riding in a small, fragile buggie as I am being led by the Lord.

I cannot be afraid. I must obey His guidance. I must TRUST that the Lord knows how to lead me (and my brood)...despite the pitfalls that surround me.

Matthew 6:9-13: The Lord's Prayer.

"Our Father, Who Art in Heaven,

Hallowed Be Thy Name.

Thy Kingdom Come, Thy Will Be Done,

On Earth as it is in Heaven.

Give Us This Day our Daily Bread,

And Forgive us our Sins As We Forgive Those Who Have Sinned Against Us.

Lead Us Not Into Temptation But Deliver Us From Evil One.

For Thine is the Kingdom and the Power and the Glory...Forever and Ever! Amen."

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"Trust in the Lord with all your heart...lean not on your own understanding...in all your ways acknowledge Him...and He will make direct your path!" Proverbs 3:5-6

Father, I pray today for your guidance. Teach me to go where you are leading. I am trusting in You. Amen.

Day 72 - Power of the Resurrection

It's Monday and I'm at my office desk drinking lukewarm coffee and typing my journal blog for the day.

Today's topic comes from Philippians 3: 10.


"I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection..."

I'm reading a study guide on the power of the resurrection, and it compares Christ's physical resurrection in the New Testament to the deliverance of the captive Isrealites from Pharoah's control into the Promised Land. This Old Testament miracle is the raising of a dead nation, under the dominion of Pharoah.

In the New Testament, the miracle is the raising of Jesus Christ from the dead. Then, because of Jesus' resurrection from the dead...I can be raised from the dead, too! John 3:16: "For God so loved the world that He gave His only son...that whoever believes in Him will not die but have eternal life!"

Amazing miracle, for sure!

There was a song my mother used to sing when I was a little girl. The song went like this:

"Would you be free from your burden of sin?
There's power in the blood, power in the blood.
Would you o'er evil the victory win?
There's wonderful power in the blood!

Chorus:
There is Power! Power! Wonder-working Power!
In the blood...of the Lamb!
There is Power! Power! Wonder-working Power!
In the precious blood of the Lamb!

Would you be whiter, much whiter than snow?
There's Power in the blood, power in the blood.
Sin stains are lost in its life-giving flow.
There's wonderful power in the blood!

(Chorus.)

Would you do service for Jesus your King?
There's power in the blood, power in the blood.
Would you live daily His praises to sing?
There's wonderful power in the blood!

(Chorus.)

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Lord, teach me the power of your resurrection. I want to know You more. Amen.

Days 70 & 71 - You Can't See The Enemy

I finally realized that I fight a battle every single day of my life. I fight a battle to keep my house in order, to raise my children with morals and values and strong work ethics, to keep my marriage together, to maintain my sanity (hee hee), and other various battles throughout my day.

But the largest battle by far is a battle waged against the Evil One. I can't see him...I can't touch him...I can't hear him. He ever so stealthily sneaks upon me and my beloved family members...stealing our joy...stealing our unity as a family...stealing our hope for the future...stealing, little by little, our faith in Christ.

The Bible says in Ephesians 6:12: "For we do no wrestle (battle) against flesh and blood, but against the principalities (demons), against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places."

Everyday there is an unseen battle taking place in an unseen battlefield. My battle tactic and strategy should be this simple: Put on the armor or God! Be prepared!

Here's how:

"Stand therefore, having girded your loins with the truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God; praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful...." That's found in verses 14 through 18 of the same Chapter 6.

What, exactly, does that mean?

To gird your loins with the "truth" means that I have made a decision about Christ's truth of the gospel message...that He came to save me from my sins and that I will get to spend eternity in heaven with Him because of my act of faith. It also means that I believe the truth of all of the Bible...and that I believe in the "truth" of God and His trinity.

And what are my "loins"? Well, this is my lower back. In order to stand tall and firm, I must have a strong back. If my back is not strong, I will begin bending and bowing and falling. I must have something that strengthens my "loins." What is this? God's Holy Word. This is step one.

Step two: The breastplate of righteousness. Righteousness is a standard of truth...God's standard and not the worldly standard. Righteousness is not what I do for God...it's my surrender to Him and His truth. This makes me righteous in God's eyes. This breastplate protects my vital organs: my motives and my heart.

Step three: The term "shod" simply means strapping on my sandals. Roman soldiers wore thickly studded sandals with cleats on the bottom of them in order to stand firm on the battleground. My sandals can be compared to the Word of God, as well. If I stand firm on God's Word, then I am able to stand firm and the battlefield and not be moved.

Step four: This instrument of warfare is a defensive weapon in order to protect myself from harmful things coming my way. Remember the pictures in your mind of the first Gulf war...how the scud missiles were randomly launched onto the enemy in a barrage of death-seeking array? This is how Satan tries to take us down, as well. Or, Satan could be dousing a cloth-covered arrow with gasoline, lighting it, and shooting it my way. I have to use my shield to defend me. What is my shield? Again, it's the Word of God. Memorize it. Stand firm on its principles. Believe it to be true.

Step five and six: My helmet should be made of something very protective, such as the Roman soldiers wore. My helmet is also my salvation. It is what keeps my mind from following evil desires. It is what keeps my mind focused on heavenly and positive things. And my sword, which is small and easy to yield, will come in handy as I quickly use it to attack the enemy, to pierce his heart. Here's an interesting verse to go along with this study: "For the Word of God is living and active and sharper than any two-edged sword, and piercing as far as the division of soul and spirit, of both joints and marrow, and able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart." (Hebrews 4:12).

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Father, thank you for revealing to me the unseen battle that wages all around me on a daily basis. Help me learn to put on my FULL armor so that I may not be defeated by the Evil One and instead may fight the good fight and stand victorious in the end. Help me to learn your Word and memorize it and stand strong on It. Amen.