Day 93 - Just a Closer Walk With Thee

I spent my weekend at the office finishing up some work. It was a loooong weekend for me, to say the least, between my struggles on Friday night and working on Saturday and Sunday.

Despite my tired eyes and body this morning, I am optimistic.

My husband has requested that together we kneel in prayer each morning, and also that we read our Bible.

I have longed for this for seventeen years of my marriage.

My prayer is that not only would God lead us to the topic He would have me and my husband study together, but that God would lead our prayer time together, as husband and wife. I am also praying that my husband would find a male Christian mentor, preferably one who is a married man with children, one who can understand my husband's struggles and stresses in being father and husband.

Praise God for His guidance in our lives! Hallelujah!

Day 92 - God is in Control

Have you ever had someone tell you that sometimes, things must get worse before they can get better?

I would say that's so true!

Sometimes it takes hitting rock bottom before someone realizes that they need God in their life.

That has just happened with my husband.

What was one of the most hurtful nights of our marriage has turned out to be one of the greatest turning points in my husband's life.

We attended church today together! The pastor's sermon spoke directly to my husband...and, of course, to me. Lots of tears were shed by both of us.

Several new commitments have been made by my husband...praise God! And had it not been for that awful evening when such angry and hurtful words were spoken, we could not have sought the Lord and sought a better way for our marriage.

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of heavenly lights who does not change like shifting shadows. He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all that He created." James 1:17-18.

Praise God for leading this family down the path that He has chosen for us. May we continue to grow and to learn His will for our lives. Amen.

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If We've Ever Needed You - by Casting Crowns

Hear our cry, Lord, we pray

Our faces down, our hands are raised

You called us out, we turned away

We've turned away

With shipwrecked faith the idols rise

We do what is right in our own eyes

Our children now will pay the price

We need Your light, Lord, shine Your light

If we've ever needed You

Lord, it's now, Lord, it's now

We are desperate for Your hand

We're reaching out, we're reaching out

All our hearts, all our strength

With all our minds, we're at Your feet

May Your kingdom come in our hearts and lives

Let Your church arise, let Your church arise.

If we've ever need You

Lord, it's now, Lord, it's now

We are desperate for Your hand

We're reaching out, we're reaching out...

Days 89 - 91 Peace is Never For Long

Peace and tranquility...they don't last for long.

Already another hurdle, another dilemma, another tumultuous time.

Sigh...

At least I have God now. I can get through anything. One day at a time, with God by my side, I can tackle this tribulation head on and come out rejoicing...I'm 99% sure of it.

This time? It's my marriage.

I can't say I have a great marriage. I can say that it's good at times, really good. And other times, it's really, really awful.

Last night was one of those awful, hit-you-over-the-head-with-a-frying-pan kind of nights. The kind that leave your head spinning and your mind saying, "What just happened here?!!!"

Don't get me wrong, there's no physical abuse.

But there's issues that seem to fester underneath the surface, filling with pus and disgusting stuff, making things around and above red and inflamed and sore...until just the smallest touch makes it squirt out all this vulgar and nasty crap.

Sure, these things heal...but not without scarring.

And there might even be a very obvious scab in its place for quite some time.

I can't explain what happened. It would take too long...plus, it's only one-sided.

But I'm hurt and open and wounded...and not sure if I can heal 100% after this episode.

Love is a wonderful thing. But love is also the worst thing in the world sometimes. You have to open yourself up for potential hurts when you love someone.

The tongue definitely is a destructive device.

Use your words carefully. Because what you shout in anger one minute, just might be the shot across the bow that sinks a comrade's ship.

"Whoever guards his mouth and tongue keeps his soul from troubles." Proverbs 21:23

"Violence covers the mouth of the wicked." Proverbs 10:11

Day 88 - 7 Lies the Devil Wants You to Believe

You already know that the Devil will do just about anything to get your attention. Did you ever stop to think that he's lying to you about almost everything every day? These lies can become so pervasive that they almost don't seem like lies anymore.

• The devil wants you to believe that he's stronger than God.
• The devil wants you to believe that this world is all there is...so you won't consider/ponder Heaven.
• The devil wants you to believe you're all alone.
• The devil wants you to believe that free will is a myth...that you have no control over how you think or act or feel.
• The devil wants you to believe that what you do as one single person can't possibly matter.
• The devil wants you to lose faith in love and the belief in happiness...to stress out over things you can't control, to burn out from life's stresses.
• The devil wants you to believe that he doesn't exist, that he's not real...because if you're not cautious of him, you don't need The Way, The Truth, and The Life.

Taken from http://www.articlesbase.com/motivational-articles/7-lies-the-devil-wants-you-to-believe-38000.html

Days 86 and 87 - Trial days

I have been busy with all-day trials at work these past few days.

I often thought about my purpose in being at this specific court and with these specific attorneys, this specific judge and office staff.

Although I don't understand the legal side of these cases, I do know the spiritual side...and I can pray for all parties involved...which is what I often do.

Like today: There is a terribly injured Petitioner suing his insurer for payment of benefits. It's a nasty fight. The attorneys are arguing back and forth, making objections that the Judge must immediately rule upon. There's tension, nervousness, and sometimes hostility in these proceedings.

So Before each day of trial, I get on my knees and I pray. I pray for the Judge to make wise decisions, and I pray that Jesus would be in the courtroom, guiding the correct verdict.

Sometimes, trials can be so uneasy, so unsettling, and so sad that it's difficult to walk away from it at the end of the day. I pray for the persons involved in the cases, as well.

I just wanted to thank the Lord for providing me with a secure job that pays well...and I can give back to Him by praying for all those involved in these proceedings.

I don't have a lot of time to write today. I'm on my lunch break, scarfing down salad and speghetti with meatballs.

But I pray for God's guidance in this trial...for God's guidance on the Judge's final ruling...and God's guidance on the injured Petitioner's life, as well. Amen.

Days 84 & 85 - Rebekah the Comforter

Abraham and Sarah had remained childless for years. In fact, they were both very old when an angel told them that within the year, they would have a son. Sarah laughed in disbelief. But the promise came true.

In Sarah's old age, she gave birth to a blessed baby boy, Isaac.

To be sure, Isaac was a very loved and possibly spoiled child. Sarah no doubt doted on the boy, encouraged the boy, beamed at the boy, and loved the boy as no other mother could!

But one day, Sarah died...and when she passed, all of her loving, tender words, physical touch and endless smiles ended, too. Isaac was forlorn and sad. How could anyone comfort him and love him like his mother had?

God chose her: Rebekah, daughter of Abraham's own brother from his home country.

The Bible says in Genesis 24:64 and 67:

"Then Rebekah lifted her eyes, and when she saw Isaac [for the first time] she dismounted from her camel...then Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah's tent; and he took Rebekah and she became his wife, and he loved her. So Isaac was comforted..."

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Father, may I learn how to be my husband's comforter, as Rebekah comforted Isaac.

Day 83 - In Accordance with His Will

Thank the Lord for all His goodness in my life!

It has been 83 days since I began this journey, and already, my life is changing.

I am definitely growing closer to the Lord. I am so thankful and humbled that He sees me...He hears me...He guides me once again.

I was thinking about how many Christian women in today's society frown upon a working mother. But you know from my journal entries and from my prayers that I was asking God to lead me in this situation. And He led me directly into a secure, steady, and lucrative position that is helping to support my family, that is providing much-needed health insurance, and is providing for my future retirement.

God knows what my family needs and desires. And He knows what I need and desire. And He is providing. Hallelujah!

The Proverbs 31 woman comes to mind again. Here is a hard-working mama with multiple side businesses, children, a home to run...and granted she had servants to help her, but someone likened my washing machine, my dishwasher, and my vacuum cleaner to my modern-day servants! Isn't that too cute?!

Anyhow, my new focus is on deepending my relationship with my heavenly Father, asking Him to make me a better mother, a better wife, a better employee. A better daughter, a better sister, a better friend.

I am also going to focus my prayers on my husband and his new job and the potential to become a business partner, which has been brought up multiple times by the current owner.

I wanted to share a few steps I took in order to grow closer to my God:

• I pray daily...and I am often on my knees.
• I read my scriptures daily.
• I read God's promises out loud, verbally...there is MUCH power in the spoken word of God.
• I post encouraging scripture around my home.
• I ask the Holy Spirit to come into my life and into my home.
• I journal.

All of these things have brought me closer to God, and I wish the same for you, too.

1 Peter 2:15:

"For it is God's will that by doing right you should put to silence the ignorance of foolish men."