Day 65 - Being a Christian Means Trials, Too!

I used to believe that since I was a Christian, my life would be trouble-free. Wrong! I've struggled with one trial or another since becoming a Christian...and I'm not the only one. All throughout the Bible, from the Old Testament through the New, one believer after another has suffered through one or several major trials in their lives, as well as countless "mini" struggles.

For instance, I'm currently reading the story of Abraham and Sarah. Abraham and Sarah, despite being true followers of Yaweh and the True Faith, suffered barrenness for many, many years...and God had even spoken a great and marvelous promise that Abraham would have so many descendents that they would outnumber the sands of the ocean. At another point, Sarah was taken captive to be the King's wife. At another, Abraham had to wage war against another King who had taken his nephew, Lot, captive.

Abraham's marriage was not without its fair share of struggles, either. Despite God's promise of countless descendents, he and his beloved wife were barren. Marriage struggles ensued, Abraham took on a concubine, and thus ensued years and years of strife between not only Abraham and these two women, but his offspring and these two women.

There are countless other stories of Godly and Christian men and women of the Bible enduring their hardships.

Look at Esther...look at King David...look at the apostles of Jesus.

So although I'd like to believe that God and/or Jesus will make everything "right" in my life, that may not be the case.

My job situation may not work out for the better. But I trust that it can...if only it is God's plan.

I used to fear that my struggles in life were due to my lack of faith...as so many Christians have wrongly stated or accused me of.

It is only through my quest to understand God more and learn His ways that I realize the fallacy of this belief.

God does NOT promise sunshine and roses for His followers.

Instead, God promises that He will be with us THROUGH our struggles. That's where our real faith grows...through our struggles.

James 1 states this:

"Consider it pure joy...whenever you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverence. Perseverence must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. "

"And remember that I [Jesus] am with you...until the end of the age." Matthew 28:20

Lord, I pray that through my struggles and trials in this life, I may grow closer to you and learn to persevere through my faith. Amen.

Day 64 - Being Spiritually "Fit"

It's Sunday morning. My toddler woke me up bright and early, despite my late night in going to sleep. I'm pooped! Even my steaming hot cup of coffee can't jolt me out of my walking slumber yet.

I had plans to attend church this morning...not sure which church...but I wanted to wake up the family, cook a large breakfast, and go to church.

But truly, I am exhausted. So I'm not certain that I will go. We'll see.

My scripture today is found in 1 Corinthians 9, starting at verse 24.

"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever."

You know from reading my other journal entries that I have a membership to an athletic club. I go two or three times a week to exercise and keep my body physically fit. My routine has been to run on the treadmill for 20 minutes, getting my heart rate high enough to burn calories and make my heart physically stronger. Then I spend about 45 minutes lifting weights to strengthen and tone my muscles.

But what about my spirtual fitness? Do I have a spiritual fitness plan? For a long time, I did not. I've developed a morning routine of reading scripture, praying to God -- thanking Him for all of the blessings in my life and then asking for forgiveness of my sins, as well as praying for others in my life.

Maybe if I wrote out a spiritual fitness plan, it would look something like this:

1. Read my Bible every day.
2. Spend time in prayer every day.
3. Pray for others.
4. Do at least one loving thing for someone else each day.
5. Try to please God in all I do.

Father, I pray that You will help me to train myself spiritually so that I might run the race to heaven...and win! Amen.

Day 63 - I Blew It

It's 7:11 a.m. and I'm once again at my kitchen table with my steaming hot cup of coffee and my Bible. It's pitch black outside still and the house has a deep chill to it. The outdoor temperature is 32 and the indoor feels slightly higher than that. I'm huddled with my extra puffy and warm red slippers on my feet while the central heat tries to make the indoor temperature comfortable.

Yesterday was an all-around good and decent day. We celebrated my coworker's 50th birthday party at work, I was very productive, and things seemed to have a very nice flow to them throughout the day.

I arrived home at 5:15, greeted my 2 year old's caregiver, discussed their fun day together, and wished her a happy weekend.

My 10 year old had already placed a pizza in the oven for dinner, so the aroma filled the house. My eldest daughter had requested time with her girlfriends at her high school football game that night, along with a sleepover.

It was going to be a quiet, seamless evening, for sure.

My husband telephoned to say he was on his way home from work and to meet him at the athletic club. It's our routine to work out together, side by side on the elliptical machines, several evenings a week. The athletic club has a large workout center, racquetball courts, saunas, plus a fabulous hot water natural spring-fed pool and accompanying lap pool. There's also a large indoor climbing and play center for children, with slides and rope ladders and a pit of balls. For the toddlers, there's a mini-version of the same with daycare providers licensed and trained.

So I dropped off my middle daughter at her play practice -- she's playing Oliver in our local theater's Christmas play, "Oliver Twist" -- and drove the youngest to the club. My youngest loves, loves, loves this place. She squeals with excitement when I ask her if she'd like to go. She's never cried when I've dropped her off to work out. In fact, she's run into the room and begun playing before I can even set down her diaper bag and sippy cup.

We arrived at 6:47 p.m., two minutes past our scheduled drop-off daycare time. I swipe our club passes and tell the front desk clerk -- a middle-aged man with no people skills -- that my 2 year old has a daycare arrangement and please print off her ticket for entry.

He says, "You're late. There's nobody here to watch her."

"But my appointment was scheduled for 6:45 and it's now 6:48. I don't understand." My toddler is running circles around my legs she's so excited.

"No, it says here that your appointment was for 6:00, and because you didn't show up on time, I sent the worker home." He's looking through his bifocals at the daycare drop-in information.

"Okay, see, I'm getting really irritated. This is the second time this month this has happend to me. You wrote down the wrong time. I couldn't possibly make it here by 6:00. I wouldn't have said 6:00. I said 6:45." My voice is cracking and I'm starting to tremble.

Front desk guy stands up tall and holds his large shoulders back and speaks to me in a very rough voice, "Even so, you're 3 minutes late!"

I'm completely ticked off now and I holler back, "Listen, this is the second frickin' time this has happend to me in less than a month...and if it happens again, I'm going to pull my membership! This is absolutely ridiculous!"

The middle-aged front desk man with zero people skills yells at me, "Hey! Quit talking to me like that!"

That's when I saw out of the corner of my eye the head of the gym sneak into her little office and close the door. She'd heard the whole thing. And instead of coming to her employee's assistance, she ducked out.

I marched myself right into her office and demanded she help me.

At least she has a few people skills, calmed the situation down, and told me that the owner of the club would call me on MOnday. Whatever. I've still driven over here, my toddler is running amok behind the desk now, pulling papers and gym equiment down off of the shelves.

My husband shows up, I explain the situation...and instead of him backing me up in my anger, he calmly says, "Oh, no big deal. I'll watch the baby in the toddler zone while you go and work out."

I wanted to run and hide. I had totally blown the WHOLE situation.

My non-Christian husband behaved in a far more Christian manner than I had! I was 100% embarassed...and 100% impressed with my husband.

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Romans 7:15. "I am not acting in a way that I would like, but I am doing the very thing I hate."

Lord, forgive me for my anger and my attitude towards the front desk employee. Help me to be more peaceful...and thank you for my husband's attitude in that situation. Amen.

Day 62 - Temptations and Trials

Today I woke up to black sky and a chilly house. Fall has come. I crawled out of my warm bed and made my way downstairs to the kitchen where my programmable coffee maker had hot coffee ready. Poured myself a steaming cup, sat down at my antique kitchen table with the lights on low, and opened my Bible.

This morning, I read from the book of James. This book was written by James, brother of Jesus, and was written to encourage our faith in Christ.

Chapter 1, verses 2-3 says this: "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance."

This is definitely a time of trial in my life regarding my work situation. I've come to depend on the income, depend on the health benefits, depend on the paid sick days and the paid vacation time.

But God is shaking things up a bit. I can't depend on that income any longer. With the drastic reduction in pay, I will now have to depend on my God to supply all of my needs.

This is a time of character-building for me, certainly. And I want to tackle this trial head-on and come out on the other side having benefitted greatly from it.

I don't know the outcome. It's a tad bit scary...but I am trusting. Trusting that my God has this under control and He knows "why" this is happening.

Verse 5: "If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him."

So my prayer today is this: Lord, give me wisdom in this struggle. Give me the faith I need to persevere despite the bleak outlook. For in You, I have all of my needs met, even before I ask. Amen.

Day 60 & 61 - Trusting in the Lord

My work situation is bizarre still. The official job vacancy was "opened" so I could apply. Only the rate of pay has dropped siginificantly...$10,000 per year, to be exact.

It's goofy and strange and a REALLY long story, but I'll shorten it up. I was brought back on with this position after our business bit the dust. I was hired very quickly as a "temporary" employee earning a wee bit lower than when I held this job before our adventure into owning our own business. The pay structure shifted while I was gone...so now I'm stuck with the current offer on the table, as stated above.

That just won't work financially. I mean, currently I have $20 left over after every paycheck. So to drop $10,000 annually simply won't work. I'll have to find something else...which I've been looking into...but all avenues seem to be road-blocks. Argh!

But I spoke with my employer who will try to get a pay exception...it's a bit iffy.

I have moments of nausea and nervousness...but for the most part, I wake up, get dressed for work, pray, and trust in the Lord.

I have to trust in Him. I've asked Him to lead me and guide me. So the reason for this bumpy road back down the mountain and into the safe meadows below doesn't terrify me...but it does make me wonder "why." I already know the answer. It doesn't matter "why." It just IS. So I will trust in my God...

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"Trust in the Lord with all your heart; and lean not on your own understanding... in all your ways acknowledge Him...and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

Day 59 - Speaking God's Word Out Loud

I belong to an on-line women's prayer group. There was a woman who posted her story of her battle with breast cancer. In her story, she stated that every day, she spoke out loud God's scripture on healing, God's word on guidance, and God's supernatural abilities.

She said she overcame her cancer in record time. In fact, she said the doctors were amazed at how quickly she recovered and was 100% healed.

So I thought I would apply that same principle to my life and my job situation and my family. I wrote out three scriptures taken from the book of Philippians, and spoke them out loud today, believing with all my heart and soul that God can and will be in control and will guide my life and my the lives of my family members.

I will post these scriptures for you to read. And I will be speaking these prayer out loud daily to see how this works in my life, as well. I'll keep you updated on the results.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, and with thanksgiving, make your requests know to God, and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:4-7

"I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13

"And God will meet all my needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:19

Days 57 and 58 - Still Seeking the Lord

It's been 58 days since I started to reconnect with my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ...and I've made progress, although it's been a tad bit slow.

I've been discovering things about myself along the way, too...and things about my marriage. I'm slowly finding my way in these areas, as well.

Life seems to be finding a bit more balance, which I like. We are getting into more of a routine, which I really like. My husband's job is going well. He is enjoying it and is finding ways to improve the business for the owner. He is finding his groove there, and I am thankful for that.

My children seem to be more balanced emotionally now that my husband and I are more balanced and routine. Praise God for that!

My job situation still hangs in the air, but I have a sense of peace that God is in control and will guide and lead me, whatever happens; whether I end up earning too little in my official "rehire" and subsequentlyhave to move on and find something else...or whether the Judge is able to negotiate with HR and rehire me at my current rate of pay...or even whether I do something altogether different. I know that God is guiding.

I was struck by a thought this past weekend. Even though our business venture failed and we lost our shorts, God was leading. I am thankful we are back in Helena, in our Victorian home that we adore, and my older girls are back in the school system they have been a part of since Kindergarten. I can't explain why God led us there...only to fail...but I know God led us there for a reason that I probably won't understand until I reach heaven.

I am still looking for a new home church here in Helena. It seems that every church I attend has some aspect to it that either I don't like, or my husband doesn't like, or the children aren't comfortable with. So we are still searching that way, too. But my Bible is my companion, once again, and that is a good start.

Thank you, Jesus, for your plan for our lives. I pray that we will be obedient to hear your voice and follow You. Amen.